Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Filling the Void

Void- Empty space, hollowness

It happened to me the other day. The kids went to the grandparents after school. I was home alone. I had cleaned for most of the afternoon, finally finished, and sat down to watch a show on TV that I had DVR'd. I got all comfy and settled in, and then this thought flitted through my head:

"You should get a snack". 

I started thinking about it....food. I starting thinking about how good a bowl of chips would be. At one point I might have even taken my feet off the footstool to actually proceed into the kitchen. And then it hit me....I wasn't hungry. I had just eaten lunch 2 hours before. I didn't need anything....I was full, satisfied.

I was trying to fill a VOID. I was alone, which doesn't bother me....except that I don't know what to do with my time. It's such a rare moment these days for me to be completely alone with nothing to do. I was trying to make the food be the "something" I was going to do during that time. This particular "void" wasn't because I was unhappy, angry, lonely or depressed....it was because...given a few spare minutes of time....I'm not sure what to do with them. 

It was like a break through. Funny term for me....but it's like since then, I can identify when I am starting to feel bored....or empty. I've even made a little list of things that I can do when that happens:

1. Read my Bible
2. Pray for myself (since generally I think people have a hard time doing this)
3. Write a thank you note
4. Meditate on scripture
5. Call it what it is
6. Read a book
7. Go for a walk
8. Journal
9. Be in the moment....I don't want to miss even this part of the journey...I want to feel even this!
10. Listen to music.

God's all over this change in thinking....it's so reverse from what I used to think. I remember when I would think "I deserve this snack. I've worked hard all day, watched the kids, cleaned house ....insert chore here, I deserve to sit on the couch and eat this yummy snack and just relax." And those weekly (ahem...daily) snack stops have been part of the reason I am where I am today. So, just the thought changing process that is going on in my mind is evidence that God cares about what is happening to me...He's filling that void in my life.

This is my prayer: Psalm 107:9: "For He has satisfied the thirsty soul, and the hungry soul He has filled with what is good."

1 comment:

Jamie said...

Perfectly said Gina! I am praying for you and I have a mental list of things to do instead of snacking. Its funny how much I can find to do with myself. :)