Helping Our Kids Overcome Rejection

I was twelve the first time I remember being rejected or treated unkindly by people I trusted. I had fallen into a group of mean girls without really knowing it. Until I became their prey. I remember how I felt when I finally realized I was the butt of all their jokes. I remember that awful sinking feeling. I remember wondering if everyone else had seen it coming...or better yet, were they all laughing too. It was horrible...and not in the mom can take me to get ice cream and it will be all better then sense. The feelings were long lasting...and eventually influenced the way I made friends in the future.

So here I am 30 ....30 long years later. And I am beginning to face these same issues with my own kids. And it hurts almost as bad worse than it did back in 1984. And it isn't gender specific. In fact Tucker was hurt before Savannah was....which seemed a little weird to me. But it happened.

The thing is, I can't change the fact that the world is full of mean, unkind, careless and thoughtless people who do not filter their words. In fact, sadly, if I am honest, I've even contributed to that audience before. But what I can do is train/discipline my kids to respond correctly and Biblically when treated in a less than desirable way.

Here's a few things I am working on....maybe they will help you with your kids too:

1. Consider immediate forgiveness. If it's something that is trivial could I forgive them quickly and minimize damage to the relationship? Sometimes this can happen if it's a first time offense or if kids were just joking and took it a little too far. Sometimes we don't have to make it a big deal.

2. Consider the source. Is this someone who lacks self-control with their words? Were they showing off, trying to one up someone else? Don't feel like you have to correct a fool. They don't take it well.

3. Is there truth to what's been said? Even if said with hurtful intentions, sometimes we can grow if we can sift the truth from what's been said.

4. Is it habitual? Is the meanness a pattern that is present consistently in the person's life? Is that the type of person you want to be known with?

5. Process the words said to/about you. Is that what God thinks about you? What does His word say about you? His words are the most important the only ones that matter.

6. How can you communicate with the offender that He/She has hurt you? What if they don't care? What if they just continue? Sometimes they might not even know they hurt you. Sometimes they might not have been paying attention.

7. No matter how hurt you are, you can always be kind. Sometimes kindness is quiet and sometimes the kindest thing you can do is confront. But whatever you do, react is such a Christ-like manner that it is obvious you are coming out of great love for them. Sometimes your gentle spirit might be just the thing God uses to soften their hearts.

So many time I hear parents say, "Find new friends", or "We'll show them", or "Sticks and stones...", but the facts are that if we don't teach our kids how to process the world's actions on their lives, we will raise our own generation of "mean" kids....because they do not know who they are in Christ. They will retaliate with the same meanness and hatred and pride that mean kids do today...it will look no different and the cycle will continue.

Let's take the time to invest in our kids the Biblical way God designed for us to handle our differences. His word is full of instruction on that. He has not left us in the dark.

I'd love to hear how you help your kids cope with rejection, mean kids, hurtful words....leave a comment if you've got a tip.

Overheard

Tonight I overhead Tucker trying to convince Savannah to play nerf army war with him. The set up goes something like this...

Army men are lined up across the kitchen counter
Children are on other side of kitchen bar, armed with nerf guns
Someone yells "SHOOT" and they see who can shoot the most guys down. I know, lovely.

Savannah wasn't really in the "mood" to play but,  in an effort to convince her, Tucker says...

"We don't even have to put any money on it this time." What???? THIS time?????

Have my kids been gambling behind my back????

BRUCE!!!!!!!!!!!

Excuse me while I go spend some time in prayer for my kid's gambling addiction.

4 Suitcases

The mess is enormous. Between the clean laundry on the table and the 4 open suitcases at my feet, not to mention scattered Legos and a few pieces from a newly acquired western town set on the floor, life is a little messy.

Bruce and the kids are headed to camp Monday morning, but before they leave, I leave for Georgia to be with my stepdad who has just had hip replacement surgery. I'm driving with a friend who will keep me company and awake as we drive into ATL around 1am Monday morning.

So, that being said, I'm trying to get everyone packed up so that Bruce, bless his heart, won't be responsible for any of the wardrobe choices. He has good intentions...truly he does. But somewhere between orange and fuchsia, the lines of color get blurred and some of his color combinations resemble more cartoonish flavorings than what I like my kids to be wearing. Besides, he has enough responsibilities to take care of today.....getting the car ready for me, buying snacks for the trip, getting the ice chest ready, loading the cars up....

Does anybody else feel like they're moving everytime they go out of town????

Choosing Us

I'm recording this moment in the event that in just a few short years I need a reminder that at some point in their lives....they chose us.

Mondays are fundays around our house. Bruce is off and we typically are recovering from a busy Sunday. Yesterday was no exception and so last night as we were deciding how we would spend Monday, we gave the kids several choices:

1. Go to the movies...get popcorn, drinks...the whole nine yards.

2. Pack up a picnic lunch and go to the local park and play.

3. Enjoy a PJ day with mom and dad, complete with games, netflix, wrestling (Tucker's request) and music.

Ding Ding Ding!!! They chose #3. As much as I would have enjoyed a movie, or even the 90+ degree heat....I was thrilled they chose us. We enjoyed a day of Apples to Apples, Mario Kart, practicing TKD, listening to Toby Mac, watching Saved by the Bell and a yummy dinner of homemade spaghetti and salad. Truly a day we all needed. Oh, and yes, Tucker (7yo) and Bruce (42) had their wrestling match. The loser can hardly walk....I'll let you guess who that is.

So...in the future..when I'm wondering if they ever really enjoyed being at home, with us, I'm coming back here...to remind myself...one Monday...they chose us!

Your Home Under Fire

I was reminded today at lunch that my home is under fire.

A godly woman spoke the words I've thought a thousand times.

"There is no place Satan wants in more than your home." 

Within the walls of our homes are the things that most women cherish the most...our husbands and our children. Not much else matters when counting our tangible blessings. But, what I've been pondering lately is what can I do to protect and shelter my home from the fiery darts of the enemy. I know that the world is wrestling for my kids and my husband...and me, but I want, within the walls of our home, for there to be some sense of safety. A sheltering place, a refuge, a place where we've prepared and prayed and planned for the distractions of this world to be less.

Is it possible?

I don't know. (I say that a lot). I guess there are no guarantees but I'd like to think that God would honor our efforts to prepare our homes as a sanctuary for holiness, as a place where Satan and his agents are not welcomed by invitation. Here are a few things that we're working on at our home to safeguard our greatest treasures.

1. Pray together... at meals, at bedtime, at devotions, when you hear a siren, when someone is sick, when something good happens, when you're fearful. Pray out loud together. This models for your kids that you go to God in everything. I found out a neat little tidbit at the end of the school year with my kids. Bruce always took the kids to school since I left to teach so early. He was out of town towards the end of the year and we were riding together to school and one of the kids piped up that it was their day to pray. Seems that they had been taking turns praying on the way to school all year long. Way to go dad!

2. Censor your media viewing...Whether it's TV, magazines, music videos, the internet. I've been too lax in this area in the past. Although we've had a boundary it hasn't been near what it should be and unfortunately many of the attitudes and actions and vocabulary that kids pick up are influenced heavily by TV. So, earnestly pray about and be aware of what your kids watch...and what you watch too. Just because you're an adult doesn't mean that you're untouchable. The attitudes of the enemy are not selective when he throws his fiery darts.

3. Talk about issues. The dinner table is a great place to talk about what's going on in the world (given that your kids are a little older). Healthy debate and biblical foundations can be formed and polished if you know how God's Word applies to issues. This not only helps your kids form a Biblical worldview, it also keeps the up to date with current events and issues that they may be faced to defend of take a stand against. Home is a great place to practice defending your faith.

4. Keep perspective of eternity. There's an old saying that says "Don't be so heavenly minded that you're no earthly good". I've meet people through the years (and might have actually been that person in some instances) that knew so much about what God's word had to say, yet the way they conveyed their information was so contrary to the love filled way God presents Himself. We can't grow weary in doing right. God's word tells us we will reap what we sow. However, if all I do is produce a generation of children that knows the legalities of God's word without the heart knowledge of Christ Jesus, I may instead raise a generation of arrogant, self consumed, holier than thou kids, who only know rules and not grace. Eternity is about grace. Remember that.

5. Treasure you time with your spouse. If like most couples, it's not near as much as you would like, but nevertheless, don't underestimate the power of a thirty minute talk over the grill, 15 minutes of quiet time before the kids get up or a once a month date night. Satan wants nothing more than to get you so busy so that you can't fit time with your spouse in your schedule. It's those moments spent in conversation or just in quiet comfort that your relationship is renewed, strengthened and made more fireproof. Neglect this point and you'll probably move from happy to lonely to looking for something to fill your heart vacancies...and that's where you'll need the fire department...because your home will be under fire.

Of course this list isn't exhaustive. We could talk for hours about ways to safeguard our most valuable commodities. I'm wondering, what would you add to the list.... share it in a comment.

When Little People Teach Big Lessons

This summer has been a little different around our house. I've been in the midst of preparing to teach a new grade at school. I'll be going from pre-school teacher to 1st grade in a few weeks, and that has meant a lot of prep work to wrap my mind around. I've also been adjusting to being the mom of the pastor's kids and if my radar wasn't up before regarding my kids behavior...my poor kids...nobody is as hard on them as me! And then we've been extremely busy ...but who cares...so are you.

BUT, my kids have taught me a few really good lessons this summer...and I thought I'd pass them on to you.

1. You need at least one pajama day a week.

2. Your perspective changes when you are in a home made sheet fort. The world goes away for a few minutes and even laundry can't hinder you from taking a break!

3. Re-runs of Seventh Heaven and Heartland are just as good as the first time....especially when you didn't see them the first time.

4. Even moms can win at Mario Cart....when the kids let her!

5. Dinner may take 5 times longer to prepare, but nothing beats two kids in aprons helping.

6. It's ok to have a pile of flip-flops at the door. Makes going out for a quick snow cone, or to chase the ice cream truck down much easier.

7. Housecleaning is easier with Toby Mac blaring. I apologize to my elderly neighbors.

8. Hide and Go Seek in the house is way more fun if you tag with a nerf gun.

9. Never throw away random nuts, bolts or screws you find. Tucker learned to use the screw driver this summer.

10. I'm not getting this time back. Fill it will love and memories. In a flash it's all you have left.

Hope you're enjoying the last few weeks with your kids before school starts back! I know I will!

Spring Break Lessons

There were a few lessons that I learned on my first long trip with the kids by myself:

1. How much longer? and are we there yet? sound much better if you (the mom) have earplugs in your ears. This lesson was learned on this trip and will be experienced on the next one.

2. There comes an age when little boys don't want to go into the girls bathroom anymore. I'm guessing the age to be 6. Since that is the age of Tucker and he reminded me very loudly that HE was not a GIRL every time we stopped!

3. All Christian radio stations in the deep south do their Share-a-thons during spring break. Louisiana and Mississippi really need your help to keep Christian radio going....I had listened for so long I almost called in and committed money myself!

4. When the gauges on your car look a little wonky...it's nice to have a phone so you can send your husband a picture and he can forward it to the man who really knows how to fix your car.

notice left gauge....something ain't quite right...even I know that!

5. Sometimes mechanics are nice....especially the one in Brandon, Mississippi at the Buick/GMC dealership.

6. When a car catches on fire five cars ahead of you, it's going to be a hot, smelly, long delay....especially when the last exit was 14 miles back.

7. Douglasville, GA needs better traffic flow. I do not recommend stopping in their city to use the restroom (super gross) or get a drink. It took us 40 minutes to get back on the road because of crazy traffic.

8. I do not know how to use my defrost properly and should learn to do this before my next long trip. However, I knew there was a reason I had the kids pack their blankets. Sure came in handy when trying to wipe off the inside of the windows.

9. There are some times when jumping on the bed should be mandatory...like after 7 hours in the car.

10. Did you know that if your hotel key card and your cell phone are too close together in your purse that the security strip on the back can deactivate? I didn't know that either. Until I tried to reenter my room and had some...technical difficulties.

Good luck on your next trip!

Making Cents

This week I've priced over 100 children's garments to be placed in a consignment sale in March. I've been saving them up for a while and then I found a couple of boxes of baby clothes in the shed...I decided it was high time. Good gravy. I'm really wondering if it's worth it. By the time I print the tags, buy the safety pins, rummage up some hangers and make sure that everything is relatively wrinkle free I'll be second guessing myself for sure.

But, I made a kind-a-sorta goal to try to manage our money better this year and I think this is an easy way that I can recoup some money for S and T's summer clothes. I love the thought that I might not be out any $$$ for their summer clothes!

If you're in East Texas, check out Sellebrate Kids. It might be just the thing you're looking for to sell or buy used kids clothing.

Do you resale you're kid's clothing? Where? Consignment? Garage Sales? EBay? I'd love to hear your tips!

Quiet Hour

Because life is busy and loud and crazy I take a quiet hour. 

During the school year I don't know how I would make it if I didn't take a quiet hour. Usually this happens between 2-3pm, after lunch is eaten and a load of laundry started and kids are settled. I set the timer on the stove and announce...."it's quiet hour." By now the kids know what this means....no TV or electronics or any kind and no bothering mom unless someone is bleeding. Usually they grab a book to read, the play dough, the Lego's, a game or something else that makes little to no noise and they play together ....quietly.

I've decided that even though I'm not working this summer that we will still observe quiet hour at some point every day. This will help keep me on speaking terms with my children....because as much as I love them.... I need silence for 60 minutes a day....silence that involves not worrying that they are tearing the house down or catching something one fire. I need to recharge my battery, clear my mind, blog, read a book or shut my eyes....or heaven forbid....talk to a friend on the phone or go to the bathroom uninterrupted!!!  

Today there wasn't even a whine when I said it was time for quiet hour 

could it be because of this????

Yes...they were busy doing hard things this morning with me out in the yard. Thanks Kids!

Doing Hard Things

A couple of years ago I read a book entitled, Do Hard Things. This book is the personal story of two brothers whose parents weren't afraid of teaching their boys the value of hard work, determination, perseverance and goal setting. From school work, to chores, to Christian living....these boys have exceeded the average and excelled in areas that even most adults only dream of.

I've been thinking about my expectations of my own children and what I am teaching them by my life and by my instruction lately. We are out of school for three months and I don't want this to be a summer full of channel surfing and sun bathing. While there will be time for that, I want them to learn a little about teamwork, hard work and determination. So, we started with some simple chores yesterday.

Scrubbing down cabinets

 Does Anyone Else have a tupperware cabinet that looks like this?????

All in all this lesson only took about 20-30 minutes, but let me tell you what was neat to see later in the day. When Bruce got home he asked the kids what they had been up to and they were eager to tell him about their chores they had helped with. There was a certain pride in learning to organize and scrub....and doing something a little more difficult than just making a bed or gathering laundry....which yes, they still have to do!

So....here's a question....What kind of chores to do have your kids do? Do you think it's important to teach them harder things (in all areas) or can it wait til they are older and bigger? I'd love to hear your thoughts on these points. 

Things I'll Miss

As I was cleaning the house a little today I almost got frustrated with some of the clutter that seems to appear on a daily basis. Then I remembered how quickly the years are flying by and that actually these things that might frustrate me now, will be some of the very things that I miss the most. My list looks a little something like this:

I'll miss...

1. Matchbox cars lined up on the edge of the bathtub where Tuck has lined them up to dry off after a splash in the bath with him.

2. Savannah's many markers and other writing utensils that I find in every nook and cranny in the house. What a creative little chick she is becoming.

3. Fighting over the computer with my kids. They both love investigating and surfing....almost as much as me!

4. Laundry....every last piece. As I was doing the mountain of laundry this week I was thinking about how much my kids have grown this year alone. Jeans I bought Tucker at the beginning of the school year barely fit him now....and I wonder have I done what I could to help him grow in the love and admonition of His heavenly Father too.

5. Happy Meal toys....or the like. My feet are like magnets to these little things! On the floor at midnight seems to be the most likely place my feet me them!

These are just a few of the things I was thinking about today as I worked around the house. Those moments that sometimes frustrate me the most turned into a little time of reflection and nostalgia when I remembered how far God's brought this little foursome of mine. He's been so faithful and good. These things I'll miss will grow and grow as the kids do, but hopefully we will be embracing each of those seconds with love and care...being careful not to miss them and the opportunities each one brings.

How 'bout you? Anything you'll miss?

Friday Funnies

1. It's possible that judgement was slightly skewed when Tucker was permitted to buy "toy" handcuffs this week.

2. Along those same lines, I don't think it's a good idea for Tuck to watch the X Games on ESPN.

3. In cleaning out Savannah's closet with her this week, she discovered on her own that she has a slight addiction to journals, notebooks and pens.....hmmm....wonder where she gets that from?

4. At school yesterday morning someone went on and on about how "thin" Bruce was looking. Yeah, he's had the stomach flu. I didn't get that lucky. What a jumpstart to his diet!!!

5. I was cracking up when Tucker was telling someone....in his most serious tone, that Buddy from Cake Boss was now going to come on TV in the afternoon....but Buddy would be the Kitchen Boss on the new show. Tucker was using hand motions and everything when he was making the commercial for the show!!!

Where Love Grows

Aren't there moments in parenting that you don't know how it happens but you feel your love grow for your kids? I think I love them as much as I possibly can...and then they go and do something that is so sweet, adorable, loving, kind...and I feel my heart expanding with room for just a little more love.

I guess it's a little like finding out your expecting baby #2 and wondering..."Can I love another child as much as I love Baby #1"....and 9 months later you realize....YES!!! There's room.

With the break in school and a few days of chillin behind and ahead of us, I am thankful for the opportunities to watch my kids in action....playing, cooking with me, running errands, cuddling on the couch and whatever else. When we talk and look at each other eye to eye, I swell up and yes, sometimes even tear up thinking of the wonderful gifts God has given us in these two.

Thanks God!

Notes to self....

1. If you are going to work with 4 year olds you must stock up on Vitamin C.

2. If your son gets silly gas at the dentist, it's likely that he will be mean the rest of the day.

3. Be nice. When people treat you like leftovers....be nice.

4. Hold stuff loosely...or not at all.

5. Do not do my kid's homework. Let's get real....the teacher can tell.....especially when my kid is 4!

6. When Savannah asks if she can "PLEASE" do the laundry.....let her....after you've sorted it.

7. Remember God's in charge of the plan....my job is to obey.

8. Make time to find out what my kids are learning/comprehending/hearing/understanding at school and church. Make sure it's truth.

9. Encourage my husband more.

10. Laugh ....as much as possible.

Everyone Needs Compassion

According to the dictionary, compassion is a deep awareness of the suffering of another coupled with the wish to relieve it. 


Over the last few years God's really been working on softening my heart. I've been a pretty cut and dry kinda girl most of my life, but when I get into God's Word I notice that Jesus handled so many situations very personally. He connected differenlty with the woman at the well, the leper, Nicodemus and even His own mother. No two interactions were the same! But, His goal was the same...to draw them closer to Himself. He was compassionate. 


A few years ago I had the opportunity to be part of a non-profit and my eyes and heart were opened to the many situations which people find themselves needing compassion. Whether it was a physical, spiritual or emotional need, some of these people where just looking for compassion. More recently I've spent a few moments with a young mother who just buried her 20 week premature baby...and I assure you, she needs compassion. An elderly widow who I've had the honor of getting to know this summer also reminds me that she needs compassion.


Because this attitude only comes from the Lord, I'm so blessed to know He's working on me. It's a little uncomfortable sometimes. I find myself making sure I have tissues in my purse in case I need them...or someone else does. But more than tissues...I find myself needing to be equipped with God's Word, so that in that moment, when God allows, I can speak His words of compassion over a friend, young mother, widow, needy, overwhelmed one that God places in my path. 


In the last few years, Laura Story penned the words to the now well known song, Mighty to Save. The first line says, "Everyone needs compassion, a love that's never failing, let mercy fall on me"  I love nothing better than to hear my kids singing this loudly as we drive down the road. I think that's how God must feel when He sees us demonstrating compassion to this hurting world.

When you have a few extra minutes..

This weekend I've been blessed to have a few extra minutes to stop, catch up with friends, check my email, answer my email (!), browse online and think about totally random and not so important things. It's been nice.

Sometimes I am so focused on what I need to get done in a day that I don't allow myself any downtime. My mom raised us kids with the understanding that for at least 1 hour a day we would have quiet time in our room. Quiet time....most of us moms would give up caffeine or chocolate (OK, maybe not) to have an hour of uninterrupted quiet time. I've seen a few of my FB and bloggy friends mention that they too observe the "Quiet Hour" (which might just become my own personal Happy Hour without the alcohol!), and it reminded me that I had hoped to establish that at my home this summer too.

Just think of all the things you could do during your "Quiet Hour"! Here are a few of my own ideas:

1. Read- a book, my Bible, a magazine
2. Craft- scrapbook, stamp, crochet, cross stitch
3. Listen to music....not Disney, kidsbop or Imagination Movers!
4. Blog
5. Browse etsy.com
6. Call my out of state family or a friend
7. Take a shower or long bath
8. Spend some time in the garden

I'm getting HAPPY just thinking about how I am going to spend my hour each day this next week. Aren't you? How would you spend your time?

Rainy Days and Mondays...

This week's weather forcast appears to be bringing some much needed rain to my neck of the woods...and I am already thinking...What on earth am I gonna do with the kids?

So I've started making a list....maybe it can help you on your next rainy day or Monday....they don't have to always get you down!

1. Make a tent....the kind with kitchen chairs and an old sheet.

2. Rent a movie ON DEMAND. It's gonna cost you $3.99 for something recently in the theaters or you can grab an older one for $2.99 or so....but the benefit is 2 hours of happy, occupied kids. OR watch something you have on hand...for free!

3. Tackle a project....clean out a closet or sort through toys. It won't take all day but you will all feel like you haven't wasted the day....then reward yourselves by taking time to....

4. Bake cookies

5. Make homemade playdough

6. Read together

7. Finger paint.

8. Write letters to grandparents (or draw pictures)

9. Play tournament games...checkers, Candyland, Connect Four, Uno, Monopoly, Wii

10.  Order Pizza for delivery

And if all else fails......PLAY IN THE RAIN!

So, what do you do with your kids on bad weather days?

Talk To Me Tuesday

I'm thinking about the summer....dreaming of July 1, when mine really starts (last day of work!) But just as soon as I start dreaming....it turns into a nightmare...You know. It goes something like this:

We sleep in a little later, eat a leisure breakfast, do a few chores, play outside before the blistering temperatures get the best of us. Then we eat lunch, read a little....and then........WHAT? It's 2 in the afternoon and 150 degrees outside. What do we do?

That's what I want to know. How do you beat the summer afternoons (or mornings) of boredom with your kids? I want to know!

Talk to me....(AKA...leave a comment)

A Good Day Consists

.....of getting kids up early
....of digging in the dirt
....of planting
       snapdragons and gladiolas and inpatients and Shasta daisies and sunflowers
....of sitting outside for lunch
....of hoeing rows
       for onions, potatoes, spinach, carrots, peas and broccoli
....of weeding
      clover and wild onions
....of cleaning outdoor furniture
....of picking up sticks and pine cones and straggling pecans
....of a cold, tall glass of tea to quench my thirst
....of dark soil
....of hubby helping
....of a boy with a watergun
.....of a girl afraid her hands are gonna get dirty so she wears her winter gloves
....of cleaning ponds and filters and pumps
....of kittens playing
....of cackling  laughter
....of a little sweat
....of some dirt under my nails
....of a good shower
....and my sweet family of helpers

....yes, that makes for a pretty good day at my house.

Eavesdropping

Today I overheard Tucker saying something like..."Deet (his name for Savannah) you're my sister." to which Savanah told him "You were adopted".....hmmm, funny since I distinctly remember carrying him in my womb for almost 9 months. What in the world?????

Don't worry...I cleared it up.