Junior High Revisited

I was twelve, in the seventh grade and about as awkward as you can possibly imagine. Here's the picture to prove it:

I was insecure. I had horrible teeth...that were just about ready to get braces. I was nearly blind although I had boycotted my glasses this year. I was an average student. I had a crush on a boy who didn't give me the time of day, and let's not even get started on my hair. I'll just tell you that in the fifth grade my mom should never have agreed to let me get that Dorothy Hamill haircut....because when you let it grow out it looks like this.

The other day I was thinking about how life is so very much like junior high. There will always be some physical trait I don't like about myself, there will always be something that I am not great at doing, there will always be someone who doesn't give me the time of day, there will always be evidence of bad decisions. It's exactly like Junior High...over and over again...

if you let it be. What I didn't tell you are some of the other GOOD things that were going on when I was in the 7th grade. That was the year the music pastor at our church ask me to start playing regularly at all the services. It was also the year that I started playing basketball and hitting a pretty good percentage of my three point shots from the top of the key. It was the year I started working in the bus ministry at our church and the year that I began keeping a journal. That journal also led to my first ever writing competition which resulted in a first place ribbon.

I'm not bragging. I'm just proving a point. Lately I've been having to remind myself that God is always busy working on me. Some of that work is unpleasant. It's refining. It requires seeing things about myself that I don't like. The ugly parts of my heart. But in that same work and that same time He is producing something that is pleasant and good and first place. I may have to work through a bad haircut to see the beauty of a bus ministry but perspective plays a huge part in how we feel about ourselves.

Before you write yourself off, before you throw in the towel because your circumstances or situation is painful or overwhelming or lousy, be sure to list the good that He is working out in your life. That's what I'm preaching to myself these days and reminding myself that I don't want to be in junior high forever.

Curly Sue

In an effort to fulfill one of my new year's something or another's...I got a kinda new look today at the hairdresser. As a throw back to the 80's or maybe 90's...or heck...I had a perm in 2000 too...I went curly again....for no other reason than I wanted change...and maybe to drive my very stylish friends crazy! We'll see how long it lasts...the perm, the style, the smell....most all of this will depend on how long it takes to fix in the morning!

Conflict of Interest

Ever felt like things were going so fast that if you stepped on the brakes there would be more damage than you could handle? That's how I've been feeling lately. Life in the fast lane is dangerous!

I don't normally blog about things when they are bothering me...I usually wait until I have recovered and can see the light or silver lining. But, truth be told, I am mid-stream walking against the tide...and I don't like it too much. It's a personal battle- one between me, myself and I.

Doing what is right isn't always easy. Someone wise said that- not me (in case you were wondering). It's a great lesson that I have been teaching my children. It's also a lesson that I have been re-learning.

God knows my heart wants to please Him. I've seen the way He works things out and I'll follow Him because He's proven Himself over and over again. Sometimes there's that conflict of interest that happens between my heart and my head though. So, I'm not convinced I will do what is right on my own. Instead, I am trusting Him once again to give wisdom. I'm asking- trusting, that He is going to give it...just like His Word tells us.

Blog Searching

Today I have indulged myself in cyberspace. After a busy week....and an even busier week to come, Bruce boldly suggested (before he walked out the door to go to Casting Crowns without me!) that I take the day off (Nice of him considering- no, I'm not bitter). Anyway, after browsing some of my blogger friends sites, I decided to do a little blog searching for some topics that interest me. So I went to Google Blog Search and entered the following words...

Farmhouse Decorating

Shabby Chic Decorating

Country Living

Primitive Decorating

Buying Homemade

Simple Living

Vintage Decorating

Community Gardening

Children's Photography

And hours later, I came up for air! It was so much fun. The results were a smorgasboard to amazing people (women mostly) who are using their creative abilities to enhance their environments....home, yard, church, school and more. It was awesome! Sure, I could have been doing about a thousand other things, but in the midst of all the serious stuff going on, it was sure nice to escape to a different world....one highly creative and decoratively beautiful.

I suggest you try it sometime. Just type in your favorite hobby or interest and explore the world! I've got lots of ideas to try and the creative juices are now flowing. I'm sure you'll be seeing some of the results!

Happy searching!

Surprise...It's Octuplets

Can you imagine hearing those words? Surprise...it's octuplets! Those words were heard by the proud California parents of 8 little tiny lives this morning. WOW! The news reports on the 20,000 plus diapers that they will go through in just one year! Think about all that potty training (see yesterday's post) SHOOT ME NOW~!

Anyway they were saying the weights of these tiny babies this morning on TV and it brought back such a flood of emotions. If you know our Savannah story...you'll probably want to stop reading now, but for those of you new to me...we have our own little miracle story.

On August 26, 2002 after a weekend of bed rest, swelling and overall just not feeling quite right, I was put into the hospital. I was 27 weeks pregnant with Savannah and not doing good. My kidneys were failing, my blood pressure had skyrocketed and a host of other serious complications. After being catheterized, fasting, eating tons of ice, getting shots to boost Savannah's lung development in the womb and more. The Dr. said, "In the morning, we will either decide to keep you in the hospital for the remainder of the pregnancy (3 months) or we will deliver the baby. Secretly, he had a hallway conversation with Bruce regarding my danger signs, and complications and had told him to prepare for the worst...and I do mean the worst. Losing me...losing the baby....brain damage, blindness and more could be complications for Savannah.

It was a horrible night, but despite the tossing and turning, I felt better the next day and felt sure the Dr's would just keep me in the hospital. No such luck. God had different things scheduled on my calendar that day.

The Dr. wasn't nearly as impressed as I though he would be and promptly told me they'd be prepping me for surgery (C-section). I was horrified....I had never been prepped for anything before! They wheeled me into the OR and began strapping my hands down and told me to count backwards from 100 while they placed this mask over my face. I remember 99 and that's it! I had NO idea they were completely putting me under to give birth! At 10:27, August 27,2002, Savannah was born, weighing in at 2 lbs, 6 oz. 13 inches long. There was a brief yell...(according to Bruce) and then our babystinson was taken away to the Neonatal ICU.

I woke up in the recovery room. In shock...wondering pretty much what had happened. They had me drugged up with magnesium sulfate and more to counteract all the things going wrong with my body. I wasn't coherent for at least 24 hours. I remember people from our church coming and going...but everything was very clouded.

The next afternoon came and I got to see Savannah. They wheeled me down in a wheelchair. Everything in my body was screaming...you've just had a baby by C Section! We scrubbed in from fingertip to elbow, put on sterilized gowns and walked to where our little baby was lying.

Her small crib was covered in saran wrap, to keep her body temp up. We couldn't touch her. She was on a ventilator, struggling to keep her oxygen levels up. She was red, dry skinned and things were visibly underdeveloped. I remember wanting to touch her, hold her, love on her. But there was none of that. Not for a long time.

The good news is...after 90 days in the NICU we were able to come home... Weighing 4 pounds 10 ounces. We survived numerous infections, ventilators, PIC lines, spinal taps, feeding tubes. babystinson (my email address) became Savannah Stinson. She slowly gained weight. After six weeks we finally got to hold her. We put between 80-100 miles on our car everyday for the entire duration of her stay...you do the math.
We are all good now...She's 6...and healthy as a horse on most days!

As I watched the coverage this morning of these pint sized miracles that God has given this family in CA, I can only identify with two things...the weight of the children...and the heavy weight of responsibility all of us who are raising and loving children feel.

If you've endured this long post....let me hear about your little miracles!