When the Music Fades

Currently on the Christian radio stations there are a plethora of songs that are anthem/ballad style and it's super easy to get my mouth moving, belting out the lyrics without even really thinking about what I'm singing at all. Maybe you've been there...catchy beat, nice rhythm, awesome recording artist, great lyrics....and you find your head bopping, toe tapping, mouth humming, words spilling out...because after all, you know this song. And if you're like me, pretty soon I'm singing about Jesus taking it all, asking Him to bring the rain, raising my white flag. Unintentionally, I'm singing words I've not really thought about.

Because, what if Jesus Brought the Rain.....

Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain

Is that what I really want...anything that brings Jesus glory. What if that entails losing something close to me? What if it means losing someone close to me? What if it means I lose my worldly possessions? When the music fades and all your left with is the words, are we still singing with such reckless abandonment?

I'm ashamed to say, I'm not most of the time. Losing people, things, stuff, friendships, jobs, lives, hopes, dreams. That's tough stuff. And often our mouths quit moving. The pain is too deep, the hurt too close, the grief of loss too tender and we become mute. Our praise ends, our worry picks up. Our heart hardens and soon we are singing a different song. One of sorrow and lamenting and worrying and complaining....and one that says Rain Rain Go Away...come again some other day! 

I want the words that sing from my mouth to be words that I'm living. I want my heart to echo complete surrender...waving my white flag high to heaven....even if that means I lose something. How does that happen? Daily, by the minute surrendering to whatever brings Him glory. Whatever....pain, joy, peace, unrest, anguish, sorrow...whatever brings Him glory. And these words are easier to type than to live....just like the words to these anthems we sing in our churches, in our cars, in our homes, in our showers. And that is the reason we surrender. Daily. By the moment. As often as necessary. Even now. This second. Surrender.

Change Me

Change my heart oh God...

Make it ever new

Change my heart oh God

May I be like you.

The congregation number 200 or so. The sermon was finished and God was working. People at the alter sniffled...the baptistry waters were stirring and the soft sound of a collective body of believers sang softly those words...Change my heart Oh God. 

And that's what's happening. One by one the cry is going up...change me....change my heart...change everything about me....my habits, my motives, my affections, my sin...change it all. That's white flag surrender. 

As I stood with the church that evening, I am excited about what the future holds. Could we be on the hem of a revival? What does it look like? What will it change? How will we know? I have no answers. Most weeks I sit there just thankful and humbled that God is allowing my family to be a part of something so uniquely beautiful in the world today. A perfect church...certainly not. That's laughable purely from the point that I am in it...and I understand my wretchedness as a sinner. But I am thankfully indebted to the One who redeemed me....paid the price for my ignorant sin and who is making me beautiful and new every day. 

So I join with those who sang those words Sunday night...

Change my heart oh God...

Make it ever new

Change my heart oh God

May I be like you.

White Flag

I'm sitting here...the eldest just tossed her cookies and the youngest is singing at the top of his lungs in the shower, Chris Tomlin's, White Flag....and Bruce is out of town and I'm knee deep in grading phonics papers for my class of 18 first graders. And giving up is looking pretty good right now. Only it's not the right kind of giving up. It's the poor pitiful me...look how bad I have it...My life is so busy...poor me kind of giving up. (And I hear you saying "Spare me, join the club, you're not the only one"...and I am already sick of hearing my own complaining.

Our church's theme for the next year is "Take Over...Surrender...White Flag". And as I sit and contemplate all the things that surrender means....none of them includes vanishing from the face of the earth...which if I were completely honest, temporarily, sounds good. Instead, it means giving it all up to the Lord and letting Him take care of it. Trusting that He will take care of it. Loving that He will do His part to juggle the kids, the house, the school stuff, the Bible study...Knowing He can take way better care of things than I could ever. And that's really where I want to be.

I want to be that woman who is not easily flustered by life. The one who is calm and cool and well yes, even collected (although I'm not sure what that looks like). I want to be the one that is selfless and uninhibited when God asks me to do something. I want to think of others more and, instead of, myself....and that's hard when your hands are full of pins you're juggling.

So, I'm surrendering. Not because the church is having a theme, but because God says He can do more...more with my time, my talents, my treasures, my kids, my class, with me....than I could ever do in my own power. His exchange rate is prime. My overwhelmed, pitiful life for His Abundance. Sounds like a pretty good deal to me. I'm raising my white flag.