Mom Doubts

If there was ever a book that intimidated homeschool moms everywhere, I'd venture to say it was this one. 12 years of homeschooling on the line. 12 years of choosing curriculum, writing out lesson plans, making sure everything she needed to know has been covered. 12 years of hoping I wasn't ruining her life. 12 years of second guessing. 12 years of sitting together at the kitchen table. 12 years of grading, training and praying.

And now it all boils down to this.

4 hours

April 13

OK...ok....ok....maybe I am being a bit dramatic, but haven't we all been there. We stress about things that we really have no control over. We doubt whether what we've done has been enough. We worry we didn't give them enough opportunities. We wonder if we have prepared them enough. 

And here we are....

thinking this one test will determine her future...

that one test will test all she knows...

that one test will prove you did your job...

that one test will make or break your reputation...

Good Grief!!!! Stop the presses!

The reality is, raising kids, no matter how they are schooled, is hard work. It's the biggest and toughest and most rewarding and fulfilling work we will do. But all the pressure isn't on us! Yes, we have a responsibility to train them and teach them God's word. But the end result, the final word, the way it all ends up....that's in God's hand. He already knows what path they will take. He knows if they'll pass that ACT with flying colors or it they'll need a couple of tries to show their best effort. He knows it college or tech school or no school is in their future. He knows the where and the what and the how of college decisions and He knows your child so intimately, that as a loving father would do, He wants to guide them and lead them as they make decisions that will honor Him.

So what's our part???

From what I gather from God's Word it's consistency in talking about the Lord with our kids. It's making Him a normal part of everyday conversation. It's teaching them God's Word. It's being diligent. It's loving them enough to discipline them. It's guiding them as they get older and teaching them to take ownership of their own spiritual life with the Lord. It's being an example. And it's a lot of grace and forgiveness for when WE mess up. 

So whether your kids are small or they're heading off to college soon...or somewhere in between...It's not too late or early to start these habits of good parenting. It's not too late or early to focus on the qualities that will really help them as an adult. It's not too late or early to be an example. And it's not too late or early to accept all the grace and forgiveness God gives us and them. 

So mommas....young and older.....place your doubts in God's hands. He's got this. Do your diligence in raising your kids to love Jesus...But even that isn't ultimately up to you. Just do your part and leave the rest with Him. He loves them more that you could anyway. 

Deuteronomy 6:6-9

 And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.

Teachable Tuesdays

As a mom of two teenagers I have some anxiety about how quickly the years are passing by. I hear people say things like....

Time, slow down

I wish I could turn back time...

I wish I could put a brick on their head so they'd stop growing

Time flies

It seems just like yesterday they were....

But the truth is we only have a good 18-20 years (more or less) with our kids living under our roof. And what we do with that is important. 

And while I hear parents wishing time would slow down....what I see parents...me, you, them... doing is a bit contrary to that...

I see makeup on girls when they can barely tie their shoes on their own.

I see high heels and a runway walk before daughters have learned to comb their own tangles out of their hair.

I see boys worried about hair gel and skinny jeans before they are old enough to need deodorant.

I see boy/girl relationships forming at earlier and earlier ages.

I see parents endorsing and enabling behaviors and habits that put sons and daughters as kings and queens of household and we wonder why there's no respect for parents. 

And I realize...maybe just now... that I kind of sound like a fuddy duddy.

But the truth is we as parents are talking out of both sides of our mouths. We say we want to savor their days but really do we? Those younger days are hard...they are the formative years of potty training and manner learning and respect giving and sharing toys and demonstrating kindness and providing a firm and consistent Biblical foundation. Whew...I am tired just thinking about all the work that requires of us as parents and let's face it....in our world today, we don't get accolades or facebook likes or retweets when we are doing this hard and important work. But post that picture of "Betsy" with her gel nails at her 6 year old birthday party and everyone thinks it's "so cute" or "watch out boys here she comes". 

I struggle just like the next mom to provide that balance of age appropriate fun and Biblical standards with my kids. The struggle doesn't stop once they are teenagers. Now it's clothing and activities and hobbies and yes, still teaching respect and manners and kindness and all those important virtues that make for responsible and upstanding adults.

Parents..

We need prayer....we need to pray for God's wisdom. 

We need friends.....we don't struggle alone. There are others who are really trying to do this parenting gig well. We need to partner with each other, praying together, supporting each other with Biblical instruction.

We need to get in the Word. There is no substitute for the parenting manual. And yes, God did give us one. His Word has all the answers. All the principles. All the guidance you need. And while I've read some wonderful books on parenting throughout the years, I always come back to the perfect source. The Bible. 

We need to be the parents. We need to dad-up and mom-up. We need to quit letting the world tells us how to raise our kids. We need to quit letting our kids tell us how to raise our kids. We need to do the work. We need to be tired at the end of the day...from parenting....from doing our job. From building strong foundations and teaching our kids the way they should go. 

I had a hard time writing some of this because I'm at a stage where I need to be more diligent in some of these areas. I don't have it all figured out. But I want to do it right. Each stage. 

How 'bout you? Do you feel the struggle? How can I pray for you? 

Teachable Tuesday- What I Want My Kids To Learn in 2019

Savannah is 16, a junior. She's a college shopping, self-employed entrepreneur, piano playing, teenager...and if I had half the gumption she has when I was her age, I'd be famous...but that's not really what's important in life, is it?

Tucker is 13, a seventh grader. He's a fortnight playing, drum beating, basketballer. He is hilariously funny and mostly kind and doesn't mind being in the spotlight...his confidence whether warranted or not is strong.

As I sit here at the dawn of a new year, knowing that time is ticking away with Savannah and before you know it Tucker will be outta here, I'm so thankful that God has allowed me to be a mom. It is not wasted on me, that some women do not have this opportunity. I'm also keenly aware that I can't jump in during their teen years and decide I want to teach them how to be "good people". And so, years ago, I asked God for wisdom...and have been doing so ever since.

So last year I worked hard on integrity issues...things like honesty and truth. These were things that were heavy on my own heart and so since I was working on them, I tried to teach my children. There was talk about things that were hurtful and dishonest and there was talk about how we should handle them. There was talk about making God's Word the ultimate, supreme truth in all things and how that would be more and more and more important as they grow up because our world is so full of lies and twisted truths (lies) and mistruths (lies). Have we mastered these things??? Absolutely not...and we won't ever have them perfected. But we made progress and I worked hard to take everyday moments that could have been passed off and instead made them into teachable moments God could use to grow them and mature them in their own walk with Him.

So this year.... Biblical Kindness. That word...KIND....it gets a bad wrap sometimes. Sometimes it looks like helping someone across the road and sometimes it looks like sharing truth in love from God's Word...even when it doesn't feel good. So, how do we teach our kids to be kind without being walked all over or without them being taken advantage or....or even look gullible or stupid? We teach them Biblical Kindness. We teach them to walk like Jesus did. We teach them that Jesus was just as kind when he tipped the tables in the temple as when we met the unfaithful woman at the well. We teach them that true kindness will never contradict God's Word. We teach them when it's worth reaching out and when it's casting your pearls before swine.  We teach them that silence, a hug, a cup of water or a moment of your time is sometimes the kindest thing you can offer. And we teach them that bullying and hate are never acceptable.

So that's what I am aiming to teach this year. How about you? What are the things that you are hoping to instill in your kids this year?

Walking in Truth

III John 1:4- I have no greater joy than to hear my children are walking in truth.

After nearly 25 years in ministry there is nothing that encourages my heart more than hearing how people that we have had the joy of leading and serving are still faithfully and joyfully serving the Lord and walking in the truth of His Word. Enough years have passed that we have had the overwhelming privilege to hear of so many stories of how God has led people we love, how He has carried them, how they have followed Him during times of joy and sorrow and how they have grown to love Him more and more. I can definitely see how John the Beloved could write these words. 

As a parent, I want the same for my kids. I want them to learn to walk in the Truth. This world has some crazy lies and misconstructed ideas that they will try to get them to buy into, and it's my job for now to teach them how to walk in truth so they don't get side swiped into believing the lies. 

Yesterday I was having a conversation with Tucker (12) and we were talking a little about the struggle of moving and leaving his friends. I let the talk go on for a few minutes because I think it's important for him to share his thoughts and also because he is a boy and he was having "feelings" so I wanted to maximize on listening...but after a few minutes I said, "I know this is hard, but can you see any way God has provided or done anything good during this time?" After a moment he said, "He has already found a friend for me there (new home)." You can't imagine how excited I was to hear him say this. This was the truth. God has already provided him a friend there and Tucker was voicing the truth. Satan would like nothing better for Tucker than for him to believe that this was a tragic situation, that he would be lonely and alone for the rest of his life, that no one would reach out and that he would never find a friend. I know this sounds dramatic but isn't that exactly what the enemy does...makes us believe the absolute worst situation or conflict or circumstance is the truth??? When it's all a big fat lie. 

There is joy when we hear our children are walking in truth, but before the joy there has to be guidance. We have to model the process. We have to teach our kids how to navigate through the hurdles of lies and the roadblocks of deceit that Satan orchestrates. We have to teach them what the Bible says, how to apply it to our lives and how to ask the right questions and seek the right answers when they are faced with a tough situation. 

This doesn't happen by chance. We have to get busy.

Love and Hate

Proverbs 8:13- Let those who love the Lord hate evil.

I am quick to tell you I don't have this parenting thing figured out. At the end of most days I feel somewhat overwhelmed by the influence the world has over my kids, society, the church, my home and the lost. I hate the evil in the world. 

I watched yesterday as yet another social media source was exposed for its graphic content. The shootings in our schools are outrageous. The drug and alcohol epidemic is rampant and my list of finger-pointing sins could go on and on and on. Some of these things (and other evils in this world) I don't have any control over and yet some, admittedly, I do. 

But here's the thing. Christian parents have boxed evil into "really bad things", while ignoring the small, baby steps that led us to the "really bad things". For instance, Savannah was about 3 (now nearly 16) when I noticed how a popular children's TV channel was dumbing down all adults, but especially dads. The casual and humorous disrespect of adults was subtle but it was there. The irreverence towards the home and the rise of childhood, tween and teen "wisdom" began to be more prevalent. And now, it's no wonder that these 15-18 years olds that we allowed to be indoctrinated by culture and TV are the same ones thinking they know best about just about everything. 

Here's what I am saying. It starts small. And somewhere in all this our love for God has to spur us on to hate evil. And if we don't hate the evil that is enticing our children (and us), do we really love God? I know I am asking a hard question...believe me, I am asking myself too. Bruce and I struggle like most parents to find the balance between holy living and being in this world but not of it. But I am asking myself this question today...Do I love the Lord? Because if I do, His word tells me I will hate evil. Hate...a word that is strong and powerful...a word that we've become accustomed to feel ashamed for saying in today's society for fear of being told we are unaccepting, intolerant or uninclusive. But God's Word trumps the world's word...He says...if you love me, hate the evil...hate the things that I hate, hate the things that entice your children to love anyone, anything more than me. 

We've got to wake up. Evil creeps in and wants to steal our kids by the age of 3-4. Right after the lullabies stop, the evil in this world will be enticing our babies. It's happening. Let's love the Lord enough to hate the evil. And although I don't have all the answers, I know we can start by being more aware and not being afraid to be.the.parent. We can also practice loving the Lord together as families by worshipping and talking about the Lord not just at church, but in everyday conversations that keep the doors open to talk about the hard things kids face today.

I don't know about you but I am so tired of hearing of our kids being sucked into the evil of this world. Let's get back to teaching them to love the Lord. Let's get back to hating evil. Let's get back to paying attention.