We're starting a series at church on the family. And the first week is on dads. I always cringe because in so many homes dads are absent...some physically and some emotionally and too often spiritually....even in so-called Christian homes. The differences between Christian homes and non-Christian homes are becoming less and less obvious. So as I think back to my imperfect...yet wonderful childhood I was thinking of my own dad and the things that he did to help influence who I am today...for better or for worse...here's some of what I know.
1. My dad went to church. And his family went too. Every Sunday. Every Wednesday. It wasn't a question of would we go to church...ever. He modeled for us even before an accountable age, that it was good to go to the house of the Lord. He modeled submitting himself to teaching and preaching and worship that filled his heart and soul and made him stronger in his walk with the Lord.
Oh...did I mention he also worked on Sundays. Most of my childhood my dad left as soon as church was over and headed to his sales job. He hated working on Sunday's....but he also needed a job....so he worked Sunday afternoons and rarely ever missed a church service. It was his priority. It was important to him. Was he ever tired? Was he ever spent? Was he ever empty? Yes....all the more reason he went to church. He modeled faithfulness. Did he have to? Would people have understood? I don't know...it just never came up. He was his own man though and I doubt what anyone would have said would have mattered much anyway, if he felt like he was doing what the Lord wanted him too. By his faithfulness I learned to be faithful, to love my church, to submit myself to sound Biblical teaching.
2. My dad was fun. He did special things that weren't costly with his kids. Bringing home a candy bar for each of us on Fridays after a good week at school, taking us to a Braves game, videoing every one of our basketball games, shooting hundreds of free throws with us, playing UNO. We just hung out. He wasn't overly involved in any personal hobbies except woodworking and even that wasn't priority.
By this, I learned that life is full of wonderful fun experiences meant to be shared with others, I learned that little things mean a lot and that sometimes just surviving the week deserves the reward of a candy bar.
3. He dated my mom. And by date I mean....like every day. You know how when you were dating and your date would leave your house and you'd walk them to the door and give them a little kiss. Well, my parents did this every single day of my childhood. Except it wasn't just a little kiss....no...cue soap opera dramatic kiss. And of course we were grossed out....but one thing we knew...our parents loved each other. And then every month they would have an evening out. Just the two of them....while me and my brother and sister stayed home and ate TV dinners (which by the way, was a little highlight for us...yes, we were weird). By dating my mom, and loving her the way he did, it made me realize that life long love in marriage doesn't just happen, it's cultivated, nurtured and even scheduled.
4. My dad said no. At a point in my teen years, a guy quite a bit older showed some interest in me. As most girls would have been, I was flattered and actually returned some of the feelings. There were some secret glances and smiles and notes passed between us.....until he approached my dad. I remember my mom and dad telling me that there would be no relationship. I remember how mad and hurt and embarrassed I was. How humiliated I felt because my dad had spoken directly with this young man. I remember the tears and the journal entries and the frustration I felt. And yet, my dad didn't change his mind or give in or even stretch the rules for me. He said no...and by saying no, he was proving his love for me. He was protecting me. He was handling my heart like someone who really cared. And well.....now as a parent...I can only hope that Bruce and I do the same thing with our own kids. By saying no....my dad was saying a better yes....a yes to my heart being protected and guarded when I was too young and immature to understand. By saying no, and sticking to it, he was showing me that he knew what was best for me, that I could not manipulate him, that my emotions would not rule him. He was saying no FOR me....no to the hurt I might have experienced, no to my sneakiness and no to the foolishness the situation would have brought into our family.
I could write so much more...but I only want to say that when my dad died when I was 18, he had already taught me so much about life, love, God and people. He chose wisely for himself. He chose to be a husband and a dad. And today....through that I see that as an adult, although he isn't here on earth, I have been over the top influenced by him.
He missed the special moments that girls dream of having their dads there for...
Meeting my future husband
My wedding
My college graduation
My children's births
Major life decisions
But he, without even realizing it, prepared me for those things in his own way. His life-way.
That's what dads need to know today. So many things CAN influence your kids...but you have the choice to prioritize those things. Make the important things the main things and let the other stuff fall to the wayside. Be an over the top influencer in your kids lives. They will thank you later.
Showing posts with label Dad. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Dad. Show all posts
Saturday, September 6, 2014
Monday, March 5, 2012
What Happens When Godly Men Die Young
Today marks the 21st anniversary of my father's death. There's no way to put it gently. It is what it is.
But I was thinking about all the things that he taught me while he was alive. Little things that now I know are the big things in life.
1. Treat people with respect. He did...and because of that he was respected.
2. Be generous. With your time, your resources and your talents. He was a great videographer and I can't tell you how many times he videoed basketball games for others so they would have something for their kids to remember.
3. Don't be something you aren't. I loved that he walked humbly. He never pretended that he was perfect, but he aimed for godliness.
4. Invest in your kids. He worked a late shift so he could help homeschool us kids. He taught me all I know about math and science. He made me shoot 50 foul shots a day. He spent time reading God's word to us and pouring himself into his family.
5. Work hard. He did. At home, at church and at his job. From being an awana commander to teaching the special needs adults to carpentry and his paying job, I don't remember too many lazy days in this man's life.
6. Date your spouse. It was not a surprise to us anytime our neighbor girl was called in to babysit. It was Dad and Mom date night. There was smooching at the front door daily...but date nights were special...mom dressed up and dad looked sharp.
When Godly men die, their children miss them. Terribly. But it's not without the hope of seeing them again. When Godly men die, the testimony that they lived and breathed lives on...in their children, in their spouse...in their workplace...in their churches...in the world. When Godly men die....hearts break because we know we've lost a man of God...a warrior in this spiritual war...a protector for a family...a courageous leader. When Godly men die...we don't get over it...we relive the precious days with them over and over in our heads....because it makes us stronger...more sure that their lives mattered and that their message...God's message...the only real message.... is everlasting.
pretty sure my mom may kill me for this picture
But I was thinking about all the things that he taught me while he was alive. Little things that now I know are the big things in life.
1. Treat people with respect. He did...and because of that he was respected.
2. Be generous. With your time, your resources and your talents. He was a great videographer and I can't tell you how many times he videoed basketball games for others so they would have something for their kids to remember.
3. Don't be something you aren't. I loved that he walked humbly. He never pretended that he was perfect, but he aimed for godliness.
4. Invest in your kids. He worked a late shift so he could help homeschool us kids. He taught me all I know about math and science. He made me shoot 50 foul shots a day. He spent time reading God's word to us and pouring himself into his family.
5. Work hard. He did. At home, at church and at his job. From being an awana commander to teaching the special needs adults to carpentry and his paying job, I don't remember too many lazy days in this man's life.
6. Date your spouse. It was not a surprise to us anytime our neighbor girl was called in to babysit. It was Dad and Mom date night. There was smooching at the front door daily...but date nights were special...mom dressed up and dad looked sharp.
When Godly men die, their children miss them. Terribly. But it's not without the hope of seeing them again. When Godly men die, the testimony that they lived and breathed lives on...in their children, in their spouse...in their workplace...in their churches...in the world. When Godly men die....hearts break because we know we've lost a man of God...a warrior in this spiritual war...a protector for a family...a courageous leader. When Godly men die...we don't get over it...we relive the precious days with them over and over in our heads....because it makes us stronger...more sure that their lives mattered and that their message...God's message...the only real message.... is everlasting.
Monday, February 6, 2012
He is Able
A friend and I talk often about what it is like to be daughter's without fathers. She lost her dad a few years ago and mine's been gone almost 22 years now. Somehow...the pain is the same. Time has healed some of the ache, but mostly, we talk about all the things we wish they could have experienced with us. I think about the host of things I have missed the most about not having him here these last 22 years...meeting Bruce..the walking down the aisle at my wedding..the ministry that God called me to, the birth of both my kids and what I knew would have been a tender ear towards our struggle with infertility and miscarriages, watching the grands grow, watching me grow. And I think about the things I've missed by him not being here...his wisdom, his smile, his heart for giving, his patience, his ability to create anything from his wood shop...(boy would he love all the pinterest ideas I could throw his way!), seeing him with his grandkids....and the list could go on and on.
It's tough, this grieving process. It takes a lifetime to get over....and by then, if you're fortunate enough to have a loved one who knew Jesus, you get to be reunited with them. This past weekend Bruce and Savannah attended a father daughter dance in our community. I was reminded as they readied themselves for the night out that these will be the memories that Savannah gets to cling to one day when Bruce is gone. These are the moments that she will look back and think about how much she was loved and cherished by her dad. These moments will shape her view of men and eventually once day her husband. These are the memories that she will relive over and over with him.
I'm thankful for this time. I know it could be gone in a moment. These days...hours...minutes are being held in the palm of God's hand...and can end in an instant. I also am keenly aware that if they did God is able to extend grace and peace to grieving, sorrow stricken souls that cry out in the horrible pain of loss. It's difficult to understand why lives are snuffed out before our acceptable timetable. I think God chooses people who can radiate HIM to endure this incredible grief and loss because it is in our weak and vulnerable state that He is able to be strong for us. Strong so others can see HIM getting us through.
Is God helping you through a difficult process right now? Look into the eyes of the one who loves you more than your earthly father, husband, child or friend...and know He will be for you when you can't be anything. When the pain and hurt and anxiousness and anger are too much....He is able. And that is enough.
It's tough, this grieving process. It takes a lifetime to get over....and by then, if you're fortunate enough to have a loved one who knew Jesus, you get to be reunited with them. This past weekend Bruce and Savannah attended a father daughter dance in our community. I was reminded as they readied themselves for the night out that these will be the memories that Savannah gets to cling to one day when Bruce is gone. These are the moments that she will look back and think about how much she was loved and cherished by her dad. These moments will shape her view of men and eventually once day her husband. These are the memories that she will relive over and over with him.
I'm thankful for this time. I know it could be gone in a moment. These days...hours...minutes are being held in the palm of God's hand...and can end in an instant. I also am keenly aware that if they did God is able to extend grace and peace to grieving, sorrow stricken souls that cry out in the horrible pain of loss. It's difficult to understand why lives are snuffed out before our acceptable timetable. I think God chooses people who can radiate HIM to endure this incredible grief and loss because it is in our weak and vulnerable state that He is able to be strong for us. Strong so others can see HIM getting us through.
Is God helping you through a difficult process right now? Look into the eyes of the one who loves you more than your earthly father, husband, child or friend...and know He will be for you when you can't be anything. When the pain and hurt and anxiousness and anger are too much....He is able. And that is enough.
Monday, March 7, 2011
20 Years of Grief
Isn't that an enticing title? 20 years of grief? But if you've ever lost someone you loved then you know the grief never really stops, it doesn't ever get better, it changes and you change, but it never goes away completely. Isn't that encouraging? Yeah..I know.
But before you click onto one of the blogs to the right....the ones about decorating and child rearing and things way more fun and entertaining.....let me tell you a few things I've learned from losing my dad...20 years ago.
I remember getting ready for class my freshman year of college and getting a phone call saying I needed to get a suitcase packed and head to the airport. My dad had had a brain aneurysm and things were grim. I had never flown in an airplane before and was scared...that compounded when I realized I would have to change planes in St. Louis. I remember my mom saying quietly, "bring a dress". I knew then she had an idea he wouldn't make it. I arrived home just in time to make the decision with my family to take dad off life support. He would never have wanted to live like a vegetable. He had lived a vivacious life of basketball with us kids, teaching Sunday School, homeschooling us kids, loving my mom...never in a million years would he have wanted to be kept alive by a machine. So somewhere around 10pm on March 5, 1991, my dad met Jesus. My mom was with him, and me, my 16 year old brother and 13 year old sister stood outside the doors of the ICU and waited for them to call the code. Shortly after, a tear stained cheek mom said confidently "the joy of the Lord is our strength". And truly that has been the theme of her life.
In a moment when grief could have consumed her every word....she chose the truth that is in God's Word. She chose truth. TRUTH. It would have been easy (and not necessarily wrong) for her to have come through those doors, fall to the ground, shaking her fist toward God, screaming "WHY? WHY? WHY?" But in those moments of extreme grief...when only the truest words are spoken....the words on her tongue were comforting and soothing and TRUTH. Those words have also been written on the tablet of my heart...and remembered over and over when times in my own life have been tough.
Over the years I've learned a few things about grief....here are my lessons:
1. Grief doesn't end. It changes...what once caused you great joy or enjoyment may now bring you to tears...not because it is bad or negative or even painful but because it reminds you of something. Jelly Beans, Five Mile Creek Movies, whistling...these all at certain times have affected me that way. Instead of avoiding those moments and memories...embrace them. If that means crying...do it....if it means experiencing it....do it. Don't avoid it because it's painful. Remember it because it was wonderful...and in some way connects you to that person.
2. Express your emotions. Others feel them too. You don't have to be strong. No one expects it....or wants it. They want you to be real.
3. Allow your church to minister to you. This helps them fulfill God's command to take care of the grieving. If you retreat...they can't minister to you and later...you will complain because you will feel they have forgotten. Let them bring a meal, help with chores, your kids, your yard, your pets or anything else.
4. Find a verse and claim it. God's Word is the ONLY word that you can count on. People say good things, encouraging things......and STUPID things. The only words that you can believe and act on 100% of the time are GOD's.
5. Get counseling. REAL counseling. Not retail therapy, friend therapy or chocolate. Your church can help you find someone....or may offer someone on staff to meet with. Don't be afraid to get real about how you're doing. These professionals are used to it...they can handle it....even help.
6. When you're ready....smile. This may be 2 weeks, 2 days, 2 years, 2 months from the date of mourning....but it will come...and you'll be glad for the changed experience. Don't feel guilt. Remember the enemy (satan) wants nothing more that for you to be submersed in your grief for as long as possible.
7. Most of all know that God means this for good in your life. That's a tough pill to swallow. I remember thinking "how on earth could God think this is a good thing....a wife without her husband, children without their dad?" and then I realized that what I characterize as GOOD and what God equates with GOOD are two different things. He sees the whole picture while I only see a portion and most of what I see involves the past. I do believe this was the only way that my family made it through this.
I'm thankful for those 18 precious years I had with my dad. Now I can even say I am thankful for the past 20. God's been faithful....after all...He knows a thing or two about losing someone.
Has God taught you anything through the grief He's allowed you to go through. I'd love to hear about it.
But before you click onto one of the blogs to the right....the ones about decorating and child rearing and things way more fun and entertaining.....let me tell you a few things I've learned from losing my dad...20 years ago.
I remember getting ready for class my freshman year of college and getting a phone call saying I needed to get a suitcase packed and head to the airport. My dad had had a brain aneurysm and things were grim. I had never flown in an airplane before and was scared...that compounded when I realized I would have to change planes in St. Louis. I remember my mom saying quietly, "bring a dress". I knew then she had an idea he wouldn't make it. I arrived home just in time to make the decision with my family to take dad off life support. He would never have wanted to live like a vegetable. He had lived a vivacious life of basketball with us kids, teaching Sunday School, homeschooling us kids, loving my mom...never in a million years would he have wanted to be kept alive by a machine. So somewhere around 10pm on March 5, 1991, my dad met Jesus. My mom was with him, and me, my 16 year old brother and 13 year old sister stood outside the doors of the ICU and waited for them to call the code. Shortly after, a tear stained cheek mom said confidently "the joy of the Lord is our strength". And truly that has been the theme of her life.
In a moment when grief could have consumed her every word....she chose the truth that is in God's Word. She chose truth. TRUTH. It would have been easy (and not necessarily wrong) for her to have come through those doors, fall to the ground, shaking her fist toward God, screaming "WHY? WHY? WHY?" But in those moments of extreme grief...when only the truest words are spoken....the words on her tongue were comforting and soothing and TRUTH. Those words have also been written on the tablet of my heart...and remembered over and over when times in my own life have been tough.
Over the years I've learned a few things about grief....here are my lessons:
1. Grief doesn't end. It changes...what once caused you great joy or enjoyment may now bring you to tears...not because it is bad or negative or even painful but because it reminds you of something. Jelly Beans, Five Mile Creek Movies, whistling...these all at certain times have affected me that way. Instead of avoiding those moments and memories...embrace them. If that means crying...do it....if it means experiencing it....do it. Don't avoid it because it's painful. Remember it because it was wonderful...and in some way connects you to that person.
2. Express your emotions. Others feel them too. You don't have to be strong. No one expects it....or wants it. They want you to be real.
3. Allow your church to minister to you. This helps them fulfill God's command to take care of the grieving. If you retreat...they can't minister to you and later...you will complain because you will feel they have forgotten. Let them bring a meal, help with chores, your kids, your yard, your pets or anything else.
4. Find a verse and claim it. God's Word is the ONLY word that you can count on. People say good things, encouraging things......and STUPID things. The only words that you can believe and act on 100% of the time are GOD's.
5. Get counseling. REAL counseling. Not retail therapy, friend therapy or chocolate. Your church can help you find someone....or may offer someone on staff to meet with. Don't be afraid to get real about how you're doing. These professionals are used to it...they can handle it....even help.
6. When you're ready....smile. This may be 2 weeks, 2 days, 2 years, 2 months from the date of mourning....but it will come...and you'll be glad for the changed experience. Don't feel guilt. Remember the enemy (satan) wants nothing more that for you to be submersed in your grief for as long as possible.
7. Most of all know that God means this for good in your life. That's a tough pill to swallow. I remember thinking "how on earth could God think this is a good thing....a wife without her husband, children without their dad?" and then I realized that what I characterize as GOOD and what God equates with GOOD are two different things. He sees the whole picture while I only see a portion and most of what I see involves the past. I do believe this was the only way that my family made it through this.
I'm thankful for those 18 precious years I had with my dad. Now I can even say I am thankful for the past 20. God's been faithful....after all...He knows a thing or two about losing someone.
Has God taught you anything through the grief He's allowed you to go through. I'd love to hear about it.
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Fantastic Dads
The media wastes no time informing us of the large mass production of dead beat dads. Thankfully I didn't have one....so I won't be giving any new briefs on that topic today. I was blessed with a fantastic dad for 18 years, and when he passed away it was possibly the most life changing event I have experienced to date. He taught me more about life, God's Word, hard work and respect than any other human being. He was fantastic.
And...this week past week I have had the opportunity to spend quality time with my new stepdad. Many of you will remember my mom remarried in October after being a widow for 19 years. This week ended up being so special. We had no big plans and spent most of our time just visiting. Mom and Tom arrived for a five day visit and left this morning after making a plethora of new memories. Tom has a wonderful way of making you feel at ease. He's funny, kind, generous and has a huge fan base in the under 4 footers in our home. God knew just what we needed after all these years.
My brother became a dad on Christmas day last year year. His little Sydney has already worked her magic on her daddy and is pretty busy calling the shots in their household. Daddy Andy is learning all about the do's and don'ts of fatherhood and is becoming another fantastic dad. He's juggling a career that includes non-traditional work hours and he's managing to still find time for cuddles and kisses from his baby girl.
My father in law manages to keep our family equipped with family recipes from our ancestors. He's up to date with the going ons in our community and he loves spending time with his kids and grandkids. He's the best navigator of country back rounds I know!
And saving the best for last...and certainly not least, I thank God for the father of my own children. He is amazing. He shares the weight of parenting with me. He plays, instructs, disciplines, laughs, guides and spends time with Savannah and Tucker. Their faces light up with joy when they see him coming. He is loved by many, but none more than us. We are blessed to have him.
Not many families can say they have 4 men who are fantastic role models. Thank you Lord for these amazing men in my life and in the lives of my kids. What a gift...what a legacy....what a treasure!
And...this week past week I have had the opportunity to spend quality time with my new stepdad. Many of you will remember my mom remarried in October after being a widow for 19 years. This week ended up being so special. We had no big plans and spent most of our time just visiting. Mom and Tom arrived for a five day visit and left this morning after making a plethora of new memories. Tom has a wonderful way of making you feel at ease. He's funny, kind, generous and has a huge fan base in the under 4 footers in our home. God knew just what we needed after all these years.
My brother became a dad on Christmas day last year year. His little Sydney has already worked her magic on her daddy and is pretty busy calling the shots in their household. Daddy Andy is learning all about the do's and don'ts of fatherhood and is becoming another fantastic dad. He's juggling a career that includes non-traditional work hours and he's managing to still find time for cuddles and kisses from his baby girl.
My father in law manages to keep our family equipped with family recipes from our ancestors. He's up to date with the going ons in our community and he loves spending time with his kids and grandkids. He's the best navigator of country back rounds I know!
And saving the best for last...and certainly not least, I thank God for the father of my own children. He is amazing. He shares the weight of parenting with me. He plays, instructs, disciplines, laughs, guides and spends time with Savannah and Tucker. Their faces light up with joy when they see him coming. He is loved by many, but none more than us. We are blessed to have him.
Not many families can say they have 4 men who are fantastic role models. Thank you Lord for these amazing men in my life and in the lives of my kids. What a gift...what a legacy....what a treasure!
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Tribute to a Father
Today is the anniversary of my dad's death. It's been 18 years. I've now been without him as many years as I had him. Seems strange since those memories are so close to my heart. I've done a little reflecting over the last few years, about what I really miss the most by not having him here on earth. Here's a list:
1. I miss that he will never meet Bruce (my husband)
2. I miss that my kids will never know what an awesome man he was
3. I miss that my mom will not grow old with the man she gave her heart to in 1968
4. I miss that he will never be here to give me advice on how to raise Tucker...since he obviously knew something about raising a strong willed boy!--if you know my brother, you don't have to ask how!
5. I miss the thoughtful things he did, like bringing home a blockbuster movie and candy bars for family movie night.
6. I miss how devoted he was. I think he video taped every basketball game my brother, sister and I ever played...and we all played about 5 years....3 different teams.
7. I miss how he protected me from people and places that might bring me harm.
8. I miss how he kissed my mom at the front door everyday before he left for work.
9. I miss his hilarious sense of fashion...he was color blind!
10. I miss his dedication to things eternal...people, the church, the Word of God.
He was an amazing man. His son is the greatest example of who he was. My brother walks, talks and acts like him. Sometimes it almost feels like he's around when I am around him. What a feeling that is!
He's missed. Those who knew him- loved him, those who loved him...were blessed.
1. I miss that he will never meet Bruce (my husband)
2. I miss that my kids will never know what an awesome man he was
3. I miss that my mom will not grow old with the man she gave her heart to in 1968
4. I miss that he will never be here to give me advice on how to raise Tucker...since he obviously knew something about raising a strong willed boy!--if you know my brother, you don't have to ask how!
5. I miss the thoughtful things he did, like bringing home a blockbuster movie and candy bars for family movie night.
6. I miss how devoted he was. I think he video taped every basketball game my brother, sister and I ever played...and we all played about 5 years....3 different teams.
7. I miss how he protected me from people and places that might bring me harm.
8. I miss how he kissed my mom at the front door everyday before he left for work.
9. I miss his hilarious sense of fashion...he was color blind!
10. I miss his dedication to things eternal...people, the church, the Word of God.
He was an amazing man. His son is the greatest example of who he was. My brother walks, talks and acts like him. Sometimes it almost feels like he's around when I am around him. What a feeling that is!
He's missed. Those who knew him- loved him, those who loved him...were blessed.
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