2014 in the Rear View Mirror

The best day...by far..this year...

Wasn't the day we moved into our new house...although that was amazing.

It wasn't the day we got our puppy...although seeing the kids so happy was pretty great.

It wasn't the day I got to spend with friends in Tyler...although after two years apart...that was so special.

It wasn't the day I got to spend with my mom on the quaint historical square of our town....although that was memorable.

It wasn't the breathtaking view of the ocean in Maine...although my eyes could barely take in the site.

It wasn't watching the church minister in our community...but that made my heart swell. 

No...those were awesome days...some of the best I've lived so far. God granted me many pleasurable moments...But this year they didn't beat out what Jesus has done in my heart.

I started the year feeling defeated, torn and perhaps, at best, empty. I had bought into the lies of the enemy. The stupid, pathetic, arrogant lies.

But.. I am not defeated...I am victorious. I am not torn....his Son made me whole. And I am filled to overflowing with His spirit working in me. But I had lost sight. I had allowed circumstances, my own thoughts and even the words and actions of others to grab hold of my heart. I believed lies because understanding the truth didn't FEEL honest. Because feelings lie. The enemy lies. 

I lie to myself. Sometimes.

And I hate it. I hate when satan's lies sound more believable that God's truth. I hate when my mind accepts his lies and embraces a jaded and ugly lie because believing God is just too good to be true. 

But when you lose hope. That's what happens. When you forget who is in control. That's what happens. When you let the enemy climb to a place of authority in your life...that's what happens. When you let people tell you your worth...that's what happens.

I knew what I needed to do. Most of the time we know what needs to be done. We know what is right, what is good for our soul and where we need to go. And so I sat in the lap of the Father a lot this year. Crying, hurt, angry, disappointed and I let Him heal those places that no one else can...not my husband, not my friends, not an apology, not my mom or my kids. We all have those places...that we hide from everyone else. Those hidden places where we don't let people in for fear of what will be revealed. But God sheds light on those dark places. He has his own way of exposing them, cleansing them and healing them. And over the last few months, I've been walking a little more confidently knowing He can be trusted with all those thoughts, doubts, wounds...in fact He's the only one that can be trusted completely.

So maybe you're struggling as we start a new year. Maybe you've had a rough one. Maybe your heart just isn't in whatever God's called you to do. Maybe you feel defeated, torn and empty. Maybe it's time for a climb into the Father's lap. Maybe it's time for His comforting embrace. Maybe you need a reminder that you are His. Maybe your heart can slowly heal too.

I'm looking forward to this next year...staying close to the Father so that I can climb back up anytime I start being tempted to believe the lies. A little more prepared to fight the good fight. Joyful about the future. Anticipating good things and things that aren't so good but that will draw me nearer...and deeper to Jesus....because that is the safest place to be...any day of the year.

If you're struggling, I'd love the privilege to pray for you. Leave me a comment below.

Looking forward to blogging much more in 2015! So stay tuned! 

On the 2nd Day of New Years….

I've thought a lot about what I need to be resolving to do this year. Seems all over the blogs I read, the Facebook friends I follow, the tweets I read …even instagram is full of inspiring quotes and pledges to do everything from the mundane to the extraordinary. And yet, here I sit, not really sure what to say I'm pledging my motivation to. Maybe because it's when you resolve and you do your part, you expect good results…like dieting = lose weight or keeping organized = saved time or clipping coupons = saving money. But what happens when you do your part…you resolve…and follow through and things don't turn our like you think they should.

See…that's one of the lessons I've been learning the past year. Sometimes, you don't get to have control. Sometimes you can do the right things, you can follow God's plan as good as anyone and still things don't turn out like you think they should. Sometimes your resolve is not enough. Sometimes the chips fall where they may and you're left holding the dip (or whatever…cause I've never really understood that cliche').

By no means am I claiming perfection (just in case you've never seen me really mess up things and think that's what I was saying). But what I am saying is that sometimes as hard as I may try to obey God, follow His word, believe He has a greater plan…sometimes things look worse than when I didn't care.

Just ask Noah…I mean, how do you think he and the Mrs. must have felt as they climbed aboard the ark with their 3 sons and their wives…made one last plea for people to get on board and then heard God shut the door. Surely they knew then they had followed God's plan, but what about their hearts and humanity as they listened as those around them succumbed to the waves and water. Surely there wasn't great rejoicing because they had followed God's plan…surely they wondered if this wasn't a worse plan…a plan that couldn't possibly be right. A plan where people died and met eternity in an unbelieving state of heart.

Think of our own Jesus…a sweet baby…a manger…and yet 33 years later brutally beaten….hanging nearly naked, dead upon a cross…how could this possible be the resolved plan of God..the better way? Certainly the surge of pain through an earthly mother's heart begged to ask God….WHY? HOW COULD THIS BE THE BETTER WAY?

Sometimes the better way is messy. Sometimes our good resolutions don't always end up looking so good. Worth it??…oh yes….Just ask Noah or Jesus...but how it leaves us feeling, how it leaves us looking, how it leaves us wondering….is messy. And instead of feeling like you accomplished something wonderfully beautiful….you're left wishing you didn't have to feel anything at all.

But here's the catcher or the clincher or whatever…I'm not responsible for the end result…..that's up to the Lord. I'm responsible for the obedience to His voice, His word, His call. Sure it may look like a poor reflection of me and people may not understand or care and they may mock as Job's friends asked "Where's your God now?" But it doesn't matter…because He trumps every thing that man thinks. His plans are higher and deeper and wider and steeper. WE CANNOT FATHOM THEM! All we know is that after the trying and refining and purifying He promises we will come out of it as gold. Valuable, treasured, worth more than we could ever imagine, priceless….and truly there is nothing more than I want to resolved to be.