Home or Away

I am a stay at home wife/mom.

It sounds small doesn't it???...so most of the time....I add, but my husband's a pastor and I teach piano lessons and I'm a small group leader and I homeschool my kids....like all that is going to get me more street cred with the working moms or other SAHM.

And that's just LAME.

Some women want to work outside the home. I have loved teaching and secretarial work that I did during the first 19 years of marriage. I have found satisfaction and have enjoyed the extra income and the adult interaction. I also know the struggle to balance the schedules and take care of my family and frankly...you ladies that work outside the home are heroes of your own right. I know much of it is out of necessity and I applaud you for the personal sacrifices that you make for your family. I am also aware that some of you LOVE your work....and what could be better ...getting paid for what you love to do?

But a couple of years ago, God opened the door for me to stay at home. And I was ready to walk through it. Although I loved my job, I felt, for me, my place was at home. This doesn't make me better or worse of anything.....I just am telling you my story.

So, while I am a relatively new SAHM....with just two years under my belt...here are a few things I have learned....maybe they can help someone else out there that feels like they need to add an addendum to their SAHM title.

1. I am smart. Just because I stay at home all day, doesn't make me stupid. Now before you go thinking that someone has told me I am stupid...no one has....except maybe me. I see women who have climbed to the top of their employment ladders and I'll be honest, sometimes I feel small and simple because I don't know the ins and outs of business or nursing or law or teaching. But no other woman has ever called me stupid....except that other woman in the mirror. And that woman is not telling the truth. She's underestimating my ability to balance our bank accounts and plant a garden and get a stain out of any article of clothing. She forgets that I read and watch the news and follow Fox News on Facebook.

2. I am creative. I may not be designing the next best website or the interior of some gorgeous hotel, but I was made in the image of a creative God and that makes me a creative being. In the past I have felt guilty for wanting to be creative...for spending money on being creative and even taking the time to do something beautiful. These are all thoughts that the enemy (devil) wants to encompass us with so that we will not glorify God with our creativity.

3. I am tired...sometimes. Not all the time...but there are days that after I've finished school and made lunch and picked up the house that my body is tired. And ...sometimes I lay my head back and take a 15 minute charge nap. And everybody thanks me. Believe me.  It's better this way.

4. I occasionally leave the house. LOL...There's myths on both sides of this coin. Some believe that SAHM are never really home..they are out lunching and shopping. And then there's the other side...the side of homebound, shriveled up, housecoat wearing SAHM. I joke but it's funny that some people believe it can only be these two ways. I find that when I need to get out I do...and when I don't I am more than content to stay home.

5. I am not necessarily a good cook just because I stay home. This is an area that June Cleaver didn't help us in....all dressed up when Ward came home every night, dinner and the paper waiting on his attention.....LOL. My poor man. I am an average cook. Am in constant search for better recipes and would never claim to know my way around the kitchen too well. Just because I am a SAHM does't mean the magic ladle fell down and ordained me a good cook. Although a girl can wish and better herself.

And my list could go on and on.

I wrote this because sometimes as women we can presume to know why someone stays home or why someone works out in the workforce...but the truth is....we need to stop. Stop worrying about how others are inclined, stop worrying that some women might not have a home cooked meal on the table for Taco Tuesday, stop wondering how they afford to do this or that. And we need to just encourage each other. Lend a hand if we can and rejoice when someone gets a promotion at work or when someone's cake doesn't stick to the bottom of the pan.

Go get 'em ladies! Do your thing...whatever it is that God has called you to....home or away.

Mom Lessons

I was talking to a friend today about VBS and because we are moms and we can multitask we also talked about a hundred other things too. I know...we are genius.

In the middle of our conversation we started talking about how quickly our kids are growing up...like so quick that the words..."Even so, Lord Jesus come"... came out of one of our mouths. We were talking about the guilt most moms....even us, feel when we aren't able or don't choose to play with our kids or do something with them when we have a spare minute or two ...or maybe even an hour.

Let me be clear...I'm not talking about neglect. I'm not talking about leaving your kids for hours and hours and not providing for them properly. I'm not talking about being an absentee parent.

I'm talking about the obsession of occupying every spare minute of our kids time. I'm talking about feeling false guilt when we aren't entertaining their every waking moment with games and movies and shopping and amusement parks and travel and sports. It seems in our efforts to be good parents we've equated good with entertainment...with busyness....with an unbalanced perspective on what's good for our children and with a distorted and yes, even unbiblical view of parenting.

Growing up my mom was the epitome of a homemaker...she worked in our home everyday to be sure it was well taken care of, our yard was landscaped due to her green thumb and she managed to raise three productive kids, was the caretaker for my down syndrome uncle and worked and served in our church and community. What she didn't do....was entertain us 24/7. She was a wife and mom and her responsibilities in those two areas she took very seriously but I don't remember her playing blocks or dolls or Lego's or spending her waking hours stressing over how we were going to spend our summers.

What she did do....Once a month she made the trek to SAM's to buy groceries. SAM's was about 45 minutes from our house and most of the time I accompanied her on these trips. We'd do the shopping, just the two of us and then we'd stop at McDonald's and buy and large fry to split and two drinks. I remember it like it was yesterday....Driving the navy blue Chrysler Fifth Avenue through the drive through....sharing the fries on the long drive home and sipping my coca-cola. I remember us talking and I remember her making me feel so important and special during those trips. I remember conversations we had like it was just yesterday. It cost $2 and 1.5 hours roundtrip. These SAM's trip transformed my adolescent years.

I remember her service towards others....and how she allowed us kids to be a part....from senior citizen trips to Helen, Ga...and helping at the crisis pregnancy center and coordinating our nurseries at  church. But it wasn't just her....she encouraged us to serve too. As we grew older, I remember my brother and I both willingly being involved in bus ministry and the homeless shelter....and now I realize that it's largely due to the example she set for us. She showed us the joy you receive by serving others. And these are my special memories....and now they've become mom lessons. Lessons that speak louder than her basketball game attendance or vacations....although they are memories that fill my heart with much fondness. Those memories of how she made me feel....important, special, valuable, loved, cherished, cared for....those are the memories that I want my kids to feel towards me...and towards the Lord.

And I know all kids receive and give love differently but at the end of the day I don't want it to be filled with so much activity that my kids can't hear my heart towards them or God's heart to them. I don't want them to look back on childhood wondering if I loved them because they were smart of athletic or if God loves them just because they are "good". I want there to be memorable moments when they heard the words from me...."You're amazing...not because of the goals you scored or the grades you made or the speed of your pitch. You're a fantastic kid because you're created and fashioned by a God who loves you and wants you to know Him!" After all...if they learn that lesson, haven't they learned the most important lesson?

So if you're a mom like me, trying to figure out how to make the most of long summer days and the too hot days of July...maybe we can join together to commit to have those sweet talks and conversations and maybe we can give that one on one attention with a cold ice cream cone or a coca-cola or evening a large fry from McDonald's. Maybe we can agree to slow down..just a tad....and remind our kids that they are special and unique and individual...created by a God who desires a relationship with them. Maybe we can model loving Him and loving others. And maybe we can serve together with them...once or twice this summer so they can see the world is bigger than just their little circle...so they can see what's important goes way beyond good grades, busy schedules, the World Cup, and the safety of their own nest.

Maybe we can learn this mom lesson together.