The First Day....of the rest of my life

I've been dreaming of the day that I would be staying home as a full time wife and mom. And the time is now. After working in some form or fashion for the last 20 years (10 of them as a mom), I am  overwhelmed and in awe that God has heard my cry to stay home with my kids and concentrate on that calling in my life. To say this road has been an easy one to pass would be a lie. We've counted the cost of becoming a one income family and decided it is totally worth it. I've wondered if I will be going crazy sometime in the middle of our homeschooling year next November or December and have determined, that I'm sure somewhere along the way, I'll end up sending a SOS flare up to the sky. But..in all the unknowns and costs and fears, one thing is certain, I have watched my God direct us each step of the way, and I know that same God will take care of all the incidentals the rest of the way.

In September of last year, I started teaching a Wednesday Night small group of ladies at my church. We did a book studying using Priscilla Shirer's Resolution for Women. We were bopping along quite nicely until I was preparing for week five. I was sitting in my chair in the front living room and remember exactly the feeling that came over me, when I read this:

5. A Resolution To Devote My Best to God’s Priorities For Me

I will seek to devote the best of myself, my time, and my talents to the primary roles the Lord has entrusted to me in this phase of my life.

And it hit me. Like bricks falling off a truck or a football player being tackled....either way...it was rough. I had been burning the proverbial candle at both ends of the stick. I was trying to juggle all the mom stuff, wife stuff, church stuff, school teacher stuff, friend stuff and I was tired, sick, run down and felt myself becoming irritated with things that used to bring me great joy. I definitely wasn't giving my best to any of the God-given priorities in my life. I was giving my best to things that I chose for myself and the priorities that God had given me were suffering. And I knew it. 

Over Christmas break I had planned to overhaul my house, thinking that if I could just get a handle on things that I could put this gnawing feeling behind me and refocus with a fresh start. But instead I ended up with the flu and bronchitis and was wiped out. I hadn't felt good in months, the Dr. looked at me and said, "rest". 

But I didn't want to rest, I wanted to work in my house and cook meals and do all the things that I never had time to do because of the other things I was juggling. But I went to bed for a few days, and as I laid there I knew what I needed to do. And in the back of my mind, it's what I have desired for years and years but for one reason or another couldn't/wouldn't do. I needed to quit my job and stay home and give my best to my husband, our kids and our church. Because, that's what God has called me to for this phase of my life. 

I will never have a 10 and 7 year old again. Tucker and Savannah are growing up and the time will be gone before I know it. God gave me a preacher husband and for as long as I can remember we've been better together in ministry than separate so I want to serve with him as much as I can. I want to aim to be the Proverbs 31 woman whose home is in order, children are in order and whose husband can depend on her. 

It amazes me that God has allowed everything to work out beautifully. His favor....undeserved...at work once again. 

I'm thankful for my years teaching and in other professions along the way. I'm happy that I had the privilege to teach for three years at our church/school. But now it's time to put that energy into my own family and see where that takes us!  Today truly is the first day of the rest of my life!

Now and Later

So, I took a very unplanned blogging hiatus over the last month. I should have seen it coming. My posts had become less and less over the last year and when I started teaching full time in September...well my goose was cooked. I never anticipated the amount of work teaching 18 first graders would be...and in the next breath I'll mention that I also didn't anticipate what a blessing they would be to me over the last four months.

I've pretty much been in survival mode and life's been living me instead of me living life - Not a mode I would recommend by the way. It just seems like between family, church, school and kid's activities there has been little to no time for me to think, process, meditate, pray, be still before the Lord. And then there was the fact that my father in law was diagnosed and died of lymphoma in just a matter of one month. It's been quite an overwhelming fall. So, as with most things in life, I've wondered exactly what God was up to, what should I be learning, what was the purpose for all this.

And it's not that I have all the answers, but God has showed me a few things that I'll be bringing into 2013.

I read and taught through Priscilla Shirer's Resolution for Women this fall. Resolution #5 I still haven't signed...mainly because I knew I couldn't or wouldn't be able to keep the resolution...

It reads: I resolve to devote the best of myself, my time, my talents to the primary roles God has entrusted me at this phase of my life. 

And after many a frustrated end of the day, feeling like I've cheated those closest to me, I've decided that 2013 is the year of my family. The family who deserves my best. The husband who deserves to be treated with the best of me instead of the half spent wife who is barely hanging on to her sanity. The kids who deserve a mother who has the energy and the time and the love to train them in the way they should go.

And all the while I hope to not intentionally cheat the others in my life that I love...so I'll be learning to say "no" and to modify my commitments so that I can get back to the basics. And I'll be praying that I accept the grace God gives me to do this and that others will give me the grace I need to do this. And maybe...just maybe by the end of 2013, I'll be able to sign resolution #5...having made this season of family life a priority.

A couple of things I need to do to devote myself, my time, my talents to the primary roles of wife and mother that God has entrusted to me at this phase of my life are:

- become a more organized housekeeper
- cook more
- teach my children basic housekeeping chores
- begin teaching my children basic cooking skills
- be a more wise time manager
- simplify home inventory
- set up local savings account for kids
- teach my children to spend money more responsibly
- serve together with my kids
- read missionary biographies with children
- keep better record of answered prayers with family

By no means do I want my family to be my "idol". But I can't stress to you the amount of conviction on my heart when I realize how great a need there is for godliness in this world, and how little I am doing to help model and plant that godliness into the next generation. I feel great responsibility and now it's time to put action to those feelings.

This phase of life won't last forever....that's kind of the harsh reality of it all. These moments will be replaced with empty nests and college tuitions and grandchildren. And then there will be all the time for all those ministry things, those job things, those hobbies, those women's groups...all those things that I may have a moment or two for now to give a little to.....Later there will be time for those to be the priority. And later will be here before you know it!