Scarred Up

I'm pretty scarred up... real scars from childhood injuries,
2 c-sections, some dermatology scars...
And each scar has a story...
Of how I survived. Each scar is a reminder that although there was pain and hurt there was also a time of recovery...
That in every situation I have healed and that scar is just a reminder of the healing that has taken place.
The same is true spiritually speaking... I have scars, hurts,
Bumps and bruises...
some my own fault and some, honestly, the fault of others. And yet, I'm learning I can pick at the scar and reopen the wound or I can use my story to help others heal too. I've often thought staying quiet about my scars was the key, but I'm realizing more and more that when the time is right to tell your story, God will make a way for you to tell of His healing, his recovery process,
His therapy for your soul... and His glory will be revealed in places and spaces you've never dreamed of. And that makes the scars worth it.

One Hour Cleanup

I'm not gonna lie...

Last week I just about hit my breaking point.

Life seemed disorderly. I was being pulled in all sorts of directions. Clean clothes were a well sought out commodity and I couldn't find my keys.

Now before you go thinking I am usually a neat freak....let me assure you that is not the case. I usually have a stack of something to go through on my kitchen counter, there's usually a pile of dog hair that I missed somewhere when sweeping, I keep my bedroom door closed for a reason and there is always a load of laundry to be washed and a toilet to be swished. But usually, at first glance things can look pretty tidy.

But not last week. And I was turning into the Incredible Mrs. Hulk because it looked like the four little pigs had taken up residence in my home. It was beyond the norm.

Bruce realized I was near "hulk green" on Saturday morning after he was already at church working. It had been a crazy week with the install of a new sound system and other ministry related things going on and I knew he was tired too. I had tried to hold back, but I was at the breaking point that no man ever wants to see their wife reach...the hide under the covers for days with peanut butter cups and ruffles potato chips breaking point.

When Bruce realized I was about to lose it, he came home. But first he stopped at Whataburger, and picked up food. I guess he realized it would be better if I wasn't hangry too! We sat around the kitchen table and divided up the household chores with the kids and we got busy. In one hour the house was picked up and smelling clean and all that was left was the kids rooms (which they are responsible for). I felt so much better. Order had returned to our home.

Spiritually speaking we can find ourselves in the same scenario. Life can get crazy and we miss spending time with the Lord on a personal level, then we miss a church service or two, we start scheduling things around life instead of around what God has for us and we lose fellowship with other believers. It can happen quickly because that is how the enemy operates...quick, stress-filled, hurried decisions that he makes us feel are life and death, when in reality, we just need to slow down, do a one hour clean up of life and carefully evaluate what has us stressed out or too busy.

One hour in the scheme of things is nothing. It is such a small investment in your sanity. And just like with my house, one hour can be the difference between the Incredible Hulk and Mrs. Incredible! Take the time to nourish yourself...take the time to clean up spiritually on a regular basis. If we don't we become burdened by the filth we live in and consumed by our own circumstances. God made a better way. Daily communion, cleanup with Him. Imagine that. He is always making a way of escape for us. What a good God!

Complaint VS Concern

Ever wonder why you don't make progress with your good ideas when you share them with others?

It's all in presentation....

I love a good idea. A solution. A better way.

I hate complaining. Gossip. Pot Stirring.

A complainer comes and presents all the negatives but no solutions.

Someone who is concerned comes with solutions and ideas for making things better, and they are willing to help.

There's always room for improvement. There's usually more than one way to do something. If you have a better way, find a way to share that idea in a way that doesn't knock the wind out of the people listening to you. You might have to think about it for a bit; it's likely if you react quickly you'll be complaining.

If you're in the habit if complaining. Stop. It does NOTHING to build up the kingdom of God and only stirs up trouble. If you find yourself isolated, check your complaining. It's burdensome to be around those who are constantly complaining. People will start avoiding you...except for the gossips...they will still be there. Lucky you.

James 1:26 If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person's religion is worthless.

Ephesians 4:29 Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.

Mic Drop Moments

The State of the Union Address was on television Tuesday night. The president was applauded by some and hated by others. That fact is nothing new. But where we are as a country is new...or at least new to me.

We are in a place of constant uproar. Things never settle down. For someone like me who needs some quiet each day, this is difficult. It's affecting our families and relationships. I have family members who I don't even have a relationship with because they can't talk about anything but the government and I refuse to talk about it, because I know it will only cause a deeper wedge between us. It really is heartbreaking.

It's the enemy again...stealing, killing and destroying. I hate him. I hate the power he has in the world. I hate his forces of evil that do his work and will and I hate the damage he has done all around me. And sometimes if I am not careful I can think he has the upper hand and then I am reminded...

And just like that, like a mic drop, I am reminded that though I am walking around in this sinful world, what I have because I have Jesus is greater. Greater than the things that anger me, greater than the things that feel like they are overwhelming, greater than this world's views on the things that I hold dear and precious to me. He is greater. He will get the last word. 

So if you're like me, and the things that cross your news feed are just too much to bear sometimes, take courage and hope from the Word of God....He is greater. He will win. He will get the victory. 

Teachable Tuesdays....New Pajamas!

For Christmas I got new pajamas...the kind that are soft and comfy and that you start thinking about around 3pm when your eyes start to droop from a carb overload lunch or late night binge watching the night before. These were what I call replacement pajamas. You see I have a pair of well worn blue polka dotted PJs that I've had for years. They are "broken in". Most ladies know what this means but just in case let me explain. The shirt has long ago been discarded and traded for a soft t-shirt that doesn't necessarily match. The feel of the t-shirt is much more important than the style. The pajama pants are clearly worn...the waist drawstring is frayed and knotted and perhaps has even partly come out in the laundry. There could be a few small holes and even some paint stains from the time I had a pajama craft day. These jammies have seen better days.
But last night as I was getting ready for bed, I reached for the old faithful pair of PJ's. The comfort of the well worn fabric, the familiar feeling of softness....all so welcoming ....even tho...the new pajamas from Christmas were staring me right in the face. But I chose familiar, old and stained.
This morning, as I looked down at my old ratty looking pajamas God reminded me that He has new clothes for those willing to leave the comfort of the familiar. When we become part of his family our filthy rags, our ratty grave clothes can be left behind because much like the father of the prodigal son, God the Father has sent His son to give us a robe of righteousness. I don't have to wear these old clothes. I have new clothes because He has made me new. I don't have to stay in the filth of my sin stained garments.
And isn't that comforting? Isn't that just about the best news ever? I'm so grateful I don't have to walk around looking like a forsaken child. I have the choice to walk in newness. Thank you God for the giving us fresh clothes to walk in today.

Vomit and Doggy Gas- When the Day Doesn't End Right

School started back today.

So, on Monday I wanted to get the house in order, get all the Christmas decorations back to the attic, groceries bought, cars cleaned out, laundry done, meals planned....you get the picture. I had even prepared the family for the epic post holiday clean-up. They were enthusiastic  less than thrilled with the agenda...and even imagined to get themselves a spend the night away from home invitation from some really good friends. So, being a reasonable mom, I said "yes" to the invite and that dad would pick them up at 10am to get started on chores. 

We worked hard...but I tell you...even working hard we didn't get it all done. My kitchen table is covered in Christmas decorations and the washing machine still has a load of towels in it.

And then school started back today ...and I managed to get dinner in the crockpot before I left the house at 6:45am...and lunches were packed and my class was sweeter than ever today, and I even exercised after school....(can I get a fist pump??) and I drank 6 bottles of water and if you know me that's a huge accomplishment....and things were going along smoothly....until...

Tucker threw up. I'm telling you this kid throws up more than any kid I know. And he's requesting grape medicine and saltines. And now I am suffering through an episode of The Flash with Tucker and the dog curled up next to me. And while this might all be sweet and I am sure I will look back on this with loving and fond sentiments...I can't get the smell of vomit out of my nose...and I'm pretty sure the dog has gas...And in this moment, it's sort of hard to remember all the good that happened today.

And isn't that just like the enemy...helping us focus on the bad rather than the good. Helping us to be negative instead of positive. Helping us see half empty instead of half full. Helping us to wonder where God is in the midst of the less than appealing. Helping us to question...to think we know better...to get mad...to believe there was a better way. And so we have a choice...to fight off the enemy with the Word of God, or to let the enemy get the victory...to let Satan devour the good, the profitable, the true, the good report or to proclaim victory in the places that God has delivered us. 

God is on our side. We can't let a little vomit or doggy gas rob us of the victories He has won for us. God is on our side. No amount of laundry or crowded kitchen tables can rob us of the joy of the Lord. 

God is on our side. We won't let Monday's, tornados, cancer or lay offs keep us trusting Him.

God is on our side. We aren't going to let temper tantrums, toddler messes, houses that won't sell or teenage attitudes delay our responses of gratitude each day.

God is on our side. We will protect our marriages, we will train our children, we will stand up and speak up.

God is on our side. We will trust. We will pray. We will focus. We will live in truth.  

Satan will not win. He will not rob us. He will not kill us. He will not destroy us. He is defeated. He has been conquered. He has been undone, by the blood of Jesus Christ. We don't need to be afraid or skittish or wondering if He has this day or any other day covered. He does. End of story.

So if your today ended up looking a little different than you anticipated...remember...we know the one who goes before us, He knows us by name, He is not surprised, He is familiar with our story....He wrote it. Trust the author. He knows how this ends. 

Finding Balance in the Everyday

I am the last person who should be blogging about balance.

But God's been teaching me some important lessons these last weeks and I've got to record them...even if it's just for me...but most times...I know others who are a little off balance (LOL) and maybe these God lessons can help you too.

I realized I was off balance years ago. It's when I fell head first in love with crocheting....and I decided in a 48 hour period of time I would crochet 20 cotton dishrags so I could give one to every lady in our tiny church in Beaumont. Which meant I would spent 20 of the next 48 hours crocheting. And in the remainder hours I would tend to my household responsibilities, make the food for the ladies meeting and decorate for the meeting....and maybe...just maybe sleep a few hours. So I crocheted and crocheted and crocheted...until my arms were about to fall off my body. And then I cooked and decorated and hosted the ladies gathering and then I slept(after it was over)...I was a mess by the time the event started....sleep deprived, sore "no please don't hug me" arms, and giddy with exhaustion. Not the good giddy...the kind where everything is funny....hysterically funny....I knew I had bit off more than I could chew.

But yet, I've done it again....countless times actually. But now it's different. There are other people involved.....kids who are watching me juggle, hear me complain when I am tired and most of all are taking in my attitudes towards serving them and others. Now...the stakes are higher. So I've got to get this in check.

God's been teaching me something about this balance. About being called into service of my family first, then any other ministries He sets before me. As a wife, my first duties are to Bruce. And then the kids....yes....then the kids...after Bruce. Not a popular stand at all to take in our kid-first society but I'm gonna tell you something....If he's not first (after God) then you're doing it wrong. Savannah and Tucker see the way we treat each other, how we speak about each other and how we serve each other. Statistics show they will choose spouses largely on what they see from their own parents....Scary, huh? I'm blessed with a husband who treats me like a queen. I'm a very fortunate wife.

The second thing in the balancing of everyday is that my kids don't need everything right now. They might think they do, but if I can teach them that life isn't an emergency and that patience in living and getting and giving is the way to go then I will have added balance to their lives and mine. The urgency they might feel to acquire something can be great insights into what they value and even to some degree what they idolize. There are great spiritual truths to be talked through and taught through if we take the time.

Lastly, I'm finding balance in my service to others. There are many groups of people in the Bible that we are told to serve. The widows, orphans, hungry, outcast, the grieving, the heartbroken.... to name a few. I have no choice but to find something to do to serve these ...I've been commanded to...it's not a choice...In fact....it's a sign that I have in some form true religion....true relationship with the Lord. How I serve them can be done in a variety of ways....but there's one thing for sure....I can't accomplish that if my life is so full of other stuff that I can't do or think or pray or meet with them.

I'm thankful for the lessons God's taught me in the midst of my unbalance....I'm thankful He can see this mixed up heart and know the motives of a woman who takes on too much, juggles more than she should and takes her eyes of the one who walks on water because she sees a cruise ship off in the distance. He rescues me in spite of my spiritual ADDness and give me great hope that He who has begun a good work in me will be faithful to complete it. Thank you Jesus.

What about you....what gets you sidetracked? What leaves you feeling off kilter? How do you stay balanced?

I Am Afraid

I've lived a lot of my life being careful...

careful not to offend...
to be nice...
to act right...
to take the high road...
to keep my nose clean...

But I've done these things mostly because I've been afraid..

Afraid I would offend you
Afraid I wouldn't be accepted
Afraid I would be misunderstood
Afraid I wouldn't be liked
Afraid I would turn you away from Jesus
Afraid I'd get in trouble

But I'm kind of over it.

It has gotten me no where.

And as I've been studying God's word about it...it really isn't biblical.

Kindness is God's way....but so is honesty.
And sometimes kindness isn't niceness.

Truth is God's way....and sometimes that's a hard pill to swallow.
But it doesn't change the fact that lies and half-truths and anti-biblical opinions are poison.

Acceptance with man is a far cry from acceptance with God.
And He accepts me....a freckly faced southern girl that is insecure and unsure.
Who never knows quite the right thing to do, say or wear..  so she plays it safe. Nice.

But lately my fears are changing....

I'm afraid if I don't walk in love and truth and boldness that my daughter might not either.

I'm afraid if I don't learn to speak with that balance of truth and love that HIS voice might not be the one heard after I'm gone.

I'm afraid if church is just someplace I go because as the pastor's wife it's the right thing (yes, even me)...that I will have led a life full of Sunday's and Wednesdays that are nothing but hypocrisy.

I'm afraid if all I contribute to this world is niceness...then my influence will disappear like a vapor....like I NEVER really lived.

I'm afraid if all my son sees is a mother who allows herself to be ruled by her emotions then he will not be equipped when choosing a spouse for himself one day.

I'm afraid that God will find every work I've done on this earth just smoldering pathetic pile of ashes because I was so worried if you would like me or not.

Wow...it's been like a wake-up call. And not a fun one. But these are fears that need to overtake me...not the ones that are full of self absorbed "I's".

So ...it's time ....time to be afraid for the right reasons.

What about you? Do you struggle with people-pleasing? With thinking being nice is always the right way?  Do you allow mistruths to define you because you are too afraid of the cost of confrontation? Do you worry about your kids seeing your insecurities?

Let's make a pact..let's pray for each other...let's seriously consider the damage we are doing in our homes and in our communities.....and let's turn it around. Let's be willing to talk about the tough stuff but instead of worrying about our feelings ....worry about what God says. Let's quit being offended and be Biblical. Let's worry about teaching our kids to weigh it all by the scale of God's Word...not emotions, or political correctness or niceness.

Let's quit being afraid about the wrong things.

I'm in....what about you?

Artificial Intelligence

I am not into science...or anything related to it. I don't even really know how I made it out of high school without a better knowledge....oh wait...yes I do. Artificial intelligence. It's the same way I've gotten through many predicaments in my life. Knowing just enough to get by. (Computers, math, crafting, gardening....the list could go on....I bring the phrase "jack of all trades, master of none" to a whole new level.)

But it seems like God has a sense of humor and since I homeschool a seventh grader and third grader, I'm having to study science again....and artificial intelligence is not getting me through this. It's getting real...the struggle, the disinterest, the boredom of science. I'm sorry I've tried. It's hard to understand and frankly I don't wanna...I want to go read a good book or pluck my eyes out or pull weeds.....anything...but science.

I recently found myself having those similar words with God over an issue in His Word. You know the ones we like to skim over. For me, it's the ones that I struggle with the most....the ones that talk about my sin, my hurts, my failures, my disasters...I like to just read over those verses in righteous artificial intelligence and go on to the ones that talk about someone else's sin or just make me feel better. I want to hear all about God's grace and love and His care for me....but I don't want to dwell too long when He's talking about a sin I struggle with or He strikes a nerve. I don't want to understand my sin or what His word says about it any more than I do science...really.

Now don't get me wrong. I believe we should walk freely...out of bondage and embracing the things of God that make us live differently. I believe we should be changed by what we've experienced so that we don't walk with our heads hung in guilt and shame. But in that same gasping breath I want to also say that I believe we don't like to think too long on what we've been rescued from and every now and then, it's good to park it for a little bit and remember the goodness and faithfulness of Jesus. To pause over those hard verses. To reflect.

When I read over a verse in the Bible that hurts me a little....it's a reminder that He is still working on me..that I am a grand design...that I have more to learn. It reminds me of where He's brought me from. It's humbling. And instead of skimming or skipping over it because it is hard, uncomfortable, uninteresting, boring or (cough, cough) convicting, I'm trying to stay there for a moment....trying to figure the scripture out...trying to be uncomfortable in His presence....IT IS UNCOMFORTABLE sometimes....and while He is my greatest friend....He is also my Holy Lord...and I am so not...holy sometimes. And that makes it uncomfortable.

At the end....at the last breath....I don't want an artificial intelligence. I don't want to be the faker...who knows all the good verses and can get to Hezekiah the fastest (don't look...it's not there) ...the one who can spit out scripture but has no real personal understanding of the work of God in their own life because they've skimmed and skipped over verses that were hard or challenging or convicting. I want wisdom and knowledge and discretion. And I will only get that by becoming a student of Jesus and His Words....not by pulling a science stunt...and just getting by with the help of a few notecards and a friend who takes good notes. I've got to dig in myself...stick it out in the awkward and hard and uncomfortable places and THEN....those verses about grace and love and peace and comfort mean infinitely more to me because I see where He's brought me from.

And I don't know about you....but there's nothing artificial about that.

You Can Only Wash Your Face with Antibacterial Soap for So Long...

Romans 12:2- Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

I stated in an earlier post in January that I got some pretty good facial wash for Christmas from my sister. It's supposed to be renewing my skin....taking off the dead scaly skin and rejuvenating my skin to look like I'm 16 again...or hey...I'll take 26 or even 36!!! You know....you can only use that hand soap on the bathroom counter so many years before it starts taking a toll on your skin. And after more than 20 years of just using whatever I had, I noticed my skin wasn't handling it as good as it did in my first 2 decades....the last two have not been as kind! LOL. My skin was dry, scaly, blemished, the wrinkles were more defined and there were even uneven skin tones (GASP).

So after a month of using the miracle facial wash, guess what?

They are all still there.

WHAT?!?!

Yes, you heard right.....because it's going to take more than a month to heal the damage I've done to my skin all these years. In fact, it might never heal completely. There will be remnants that only I know about...maybe a scar or a dry patch or even something I cover up with concealer (which I just bought my first tube of EVER this past weekend....because I finally replaced the lightbulb over the mirror in the bathroom and I was like WOAH Girl! You need some concealer.....you gotta cover those dark circles up pronto). It's going to be a long ongoing process.

And that's how it is spiritually speaking...The "ing" in renewing in Romans 12:2,  makes this word unending. It's a continual process of renewing our minds...cleansing and rejuvenating. It's a habitual practice of hydrating our lives with the Living Water. No book, or commentary or well known teacher or even your preacher can renew your mind (I know this because I'm married to my preacher and he's been trying to change my mind about football for about 22 years now...and it's not worked yet!)-- It's just not possible for someone else to renew my mind....It's a process I have to be in the habit of making happen. Just like cleansing my skin everyday....The process of renewing my mind only happens when I am consistently obedient to the promptings of the Holy Spirit and the commands found in His Word,  to clean up the dirty, dry, scaly places in my life.

So maybe you, like me, sometimes find yourself feeling old, dried up, scaly or dirty....remember renewing your mind....is a process that is ongoing. It's not a one time face lift that happened at salvation. It is part of our sanctification process. We have not arrived. We are a work in progress....and one day we will be perfectly complete (Praise the LORD!)...but until then, we've got to get into the daily routine of taking care of our minds....focusing on the things of God and allowing His Spirit to heal the broken places and renew us.

Just like there are benefits to taking good care of your face....there are good benefits to renewing our mind...it says "That ye may be able to know the good and perfect and pleasing will of God". That's a benefit none of us can really afford to miss.

Disclaimer: I have nothing against antibacterial soap....when used properly....it serves a great purpose...just like books and speakers and preachers and your mom's advice. It's when we place our trust in those things and depend on them to renew us that we buy into the lie that something other  than Jesus can do that job. And that isn't happening. 

Underwhelmed

The January blues, the thick of raising kids, responsibilities, service, church, education, work, food....

All areas of my life that I have a habit of feeling underwhelmed in. Ever been there...You start out...excited...anticipating and then something happens. I remember my first day of college...so excited. I had new clothes, new books, I was out on my own living in a dorm, I had $1000 in the bank that I had saved and the world was my canvas. I remember our first ever church job. The excitement of planning youth activities and getting to know the members. I remember household remodels that started out soooo fun....new paint, new moldings, new looks.

And then the mundane ordinary regular old days set in. The tests come, the youth work gets hard, the remodel costs more than expected. And instead of feeling excited and happy and energized. You feel tired and underwhelmed by the project or circumstance. It lacks the sparkle, the shine, the magazine look.

But let me tell you something. Life happens on the ordinary days. Beautiful life happens in the thick of the remodel. Projects come to life with hard work and determination. Babies become children and then become adults smack dab in the middle of dirty diapers and crazy schedules and messy buns and driver's ed. Life isn't all mountain top experiences. If we lose the days spent in the valleys or on the climb we've lost much. I've got to pay attention to God's hand everyday..not just the days that are wonderful, overwhelming beautiful and perfectly put together. I need to watch Him work on test days, and bad weather days and construction days and diaper days.

He's up to something. He's looking down on the landscaping of our lives. He sees the bigger picture. He knows where the next mountain is. And in the underwhelmed and ordinary steps of life, we can trust His skills. His navigation is perfection. I don't need to give up or give in.

Psalm 139:7-10 says,
Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence? If I ascend to heaven, you are there! If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there! If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me.

If you're a child of God...pretty much this means you cannot get rid of Him. His spirit is with us in every situation, good or bad. In the overwhelmed and the underwhelmed and every tiny place in-between. It's too much to even take in..kind of overwhelming, huh?

Maybe you've heard this song... It's become one of my favorites lately.

When God's Not Moving Fast Enough

Many Sunday mornings I am rushing my family out the door. Because of our commitments at church, the four of us are out the door by 7:45am every Sunday morning. Dressed, hair fixed, clothes ironed, teeth brushed....and ready to serve the Lord with gladness. Ha....I wish that were the case all the time.

Instead it goes something like this....

"Get UP! Get dressed! No! You're not wearing that! Hurry Up! Have you brushed your teeth? Put your shoes on....Yes, you have to wear socks. Comb your hair. Did you brush your teeth? Eat something! Who left the toilet seat up???!!! Did you turn the curling iron off? Everybody have your Bible? No, you can't have beef jerky for breakfast. Get to the car. Hurry Up. Lock the Door. Did you turn the iron off? Did you lock the back door? Did everybody eat....????"

No one sees this day with the urgency that I feel about it every single week. I prepare....but still...no one moves quite fast enough for me. Everyone's just moseying around like they have all the time in the world. Everyone but me. I'm the one barking orders, stressing out, feeling anxious to get everyone out the door in time to recover from the hectic morning in the three minutes it takes us to drive into the church parking lot. Anybody with me??? Please tell me I am not alone!

The same thing's true with waiting on the Lord. I start out good. I plan...I plan to pray and read my Bible and I bookmark articles to read on waiting on God and I listen to all the latest and greatest Bible scholars talk about waiting on the Lord. And I stay focused and my patience stays intact. Until the Sunday Mornings of the waiting room. The days where there's more going on and I don't stay focused, and I don't pray and I don't plan for the anxiousness that is pounding in my heart....and then I start barking orders at God.

"I don't like this, God. I don't want to wait. I want this fixed now! Fix it God! Hurry Up! This doesn't feel good. I hate this! I don't want to pray....I don't want to read...I don't like your timing...I don't want to learn from the waiting. How could you care about me and leave me so lonely? Speed up Lord! Make something happen! I don't want to wait anymore. I'm tired. Worn out. Sad. Angry. Discouraged."

Every felt that way? I have. And I'm so thankful that God can handle my words...and my feelings. He understands our heartache.  And just like that three minute ride to church each week helps calm me down from a stress filled morning, after I have a moment to think about waiting on the Lord, my heart knows, that is really the only place I want to be. And I calm down, knowing He is in control. He's not lost track of time. He's not overdue. He's not left me lonely or forgotten.

These verses have comforted me in times that I've felt God wasn't working fast enough. May they encourage you also.

Psalm 27:13 – 14, NIV I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.

Psalm 37:7, NLT Be still in the presence of the LORD, and wait patiently for him to act. Don’t worry about evil people who prosper or fret about their wicked schemes.

Psalm 27:14, NLT Wait patiently for the LORD. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the LORD.

Philippians 4:6-7, ESV do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Psalm 33:20-22, ESV Our soul waits for the Lord; he is our help and our shield. For our heart is glad in him, because we trust in his holy name. Let your steadfast love, O Lord, be upon us, even as we hope in you.

2014 in the Rear View Mirror

The best day...by far..this year...

Wasn't the day we moved into our new house...although that was amazing.

It wasn't the day we got our puppy...although seeing the kids so happy was pretty great.

It wasn't the day I got to spend with friends in Tyler...although after two years apart...that was so special.

It wasn't the day I got to spend with my mom on the quaint historical square of our town....although that was memorable.

It wasn't the breathtaking view of the ocean in Maine...although my eyes could barely take in the site.

It wasn't watching the church minister in our community...but that made my heart swell. 

No...those were awesome days...some of the best I've lived so far. God granted me many pleasurable moments...But this year they didn't beat out what Jesus has done in my heart.

I started the year feeling defeated, torn and perhaps, at best, empty. I had bought into the lies of the enemy. The stupid, pathetic, arrogant lies.

But.. I am not defeated...I am victorious. I am not torn....his Son made me whole. And I am filled to overflowing with His spirit working in me. But I had lost sight. I had allowed circumstances, my own thoughts and even the words and actions of others to grab hold of my heart. I believed lies because understanding the truth didn't FEEL honest. Because feelings lie. The enemy lies. 

I lie to myself. Sometimes.

And I hate it. I hate when satan's lies sound more believable that God's truth. I hate when my mind accepts his lies and embraces a jaded and ugly lie because believing God is just too good to be true. 

But when you lose hope. That's what happens. When you forget who is in control. That's what happens. When you let the enemy climb to a place of authority in your life...that's what happens. When you let people tell you your worth...that's what happens.

I knew what I needed to do. Most of the time we know what needs to be done. We know what is right, what is good for our soul and where we need to go. And so I sat in the lap of the Father a lot this year. Crying, hurt, angry, disappointed and I let Him heal those places that no one else can...not my husband, not my friends, not an apology, not my mom or my kids. We all have those places...that we hide from everyone else. Those hidden places where we don't let people in for fear of what will be revealed. But God sheds light on those dark places. He has his own way of exposing them, cleansing them and healing them. And over the last few months, I've been walking a little more confidently knowing He can be trusted with all those thoughts, doubts, wounds...in fact He's the only one that can be trusted completely.

So maybe you're struggling as we start a new year. Maybe you've had a rough one. Maybe your heart just isn't in whatever God's called you to do. Maybe you feel defeated, torn and empty. Maybe it's time for a climb into the Father's lap. Maybe it's time for His comforting embrace. Maybe you need a reminder that you are His. Maybe your heart can slowly heal too.

I'm looking forward to this next year...staying close to the Father so that I can climb back up anytime I start being tempted to believe the lies. A little more prepared to fight the good fight. Joyful about the future. Anticipating good things and things that aren't so good but that will draw me nearer...and deeper to Jesus....because that is the safest place to be...any day of the year.

If you're struggling, I'd love the privilege to pray for you. Leave me a comment below.

Looking forward to blogging much more in 2015! So stay tuned! 

Comparison

"Comparison is the thief of joy".....ain't that the truth.

I don't remember my parents comparing me to anyone...but I remember from an early age being compared to others....because....I was short.

It happened in the first Thanksgiving program I was in at my school in kindergarten. The song....Five Fat Turkeys Are We (Pretty sure they aren't singing that one any more....it's not PC). Line up shortest to tallest...and immediately all the tallest went to the back row and all the shortest stayed in the front row. and then they arranged us again...tallest to tall and short to shortest. And there I was..the shortest of the short.

That situation followed me pretty much my entire elementary school career. And middle school. And college. Comparison robbed my joy more than once...when I wanted to stand by a friend, or have a better view of the audience or wanted to hear the harmonies better in a choir.

As an adult I've managed to do the self comparison thing at Emmy winning levels. In my twenties...comparing what I didn't have to what others had.....babies.

In my thirties comparing my body image, my parenting style, my home and even my walk with the Lord robbed me of the joy of embracing the gifts that God had given me.

My fortieth birthday came and went with a bang....seriously funny stuff happened and something not so funny happened too. Something clicked (it wasn't my hip). I realized I had managed to have friends and loving family who loved me just the way I am....and even more importantly I had a God who didn't compare my walk with Charles or Andy (Stanley) or Beth (Moore) or Ann (Voskamp). He looked at me...and wanted nothing more than for me to live this incredible life designed just for me to honor and glorify Him with. Through my strengths, my weaknesses and my goofiness and my insecurities. He didn't want me to be comparing my height or weight or parenting or talents or anything else.

And what's happened? Well two years later...God's helping me embrace this girl he designed. I'm still prone to wander, but I am learning to love who he made me to be....

A woman after His heart
A wife to an amazing man
A mom to two fantastic kids
A unique pastor's wife
A friend
An antique/junk loving collector
A journaler
A Cheerleader (for my family, friends and church)

And I don't have any other standard except the ones that God outlines for me in HIS Word. And believe me ...that's enough! I've spent too many years wondering if I measured up or if I was doing anything right....Let me tell you...that's exactly where the enemy wants us. And there's no amount of doing things right that will fix that. Only embracing this plan God made and designed for you will really bring you lasting joy and fulfillment. I'm glad for the wake-up call. And for the reminders of what a work He's doing in my life. He is making all things new in me. Something beautiful.

So if you're finding yourself in the season of comparison....lacking the joy God longs for you to have...be encouraged to embrace the person God created you to be ....not for yourself....but because it honors and glorifies our creator.

More at ...https://bible.org/article/who-does-god-say-i-am

Using What You Have

I'm on a mission to use as many of the groceries I have in my house right now before the move at the end of the month. Needless to say our meals are going to be getting more and more interesting as the month moves along. However, using what you have is a concept of good stewardship that I really need to be more mindful of on a regular basis.

As I was thinking about this, I thought even how much more this concept runs true spiritually speaking. Each week I sit under 4 plus hours of sound biblical teaching, have my own personal time with the Lord and then I read more than a couple really inspirational blogs and books regularly. But how many times do I actually use what I'm learning...the Biblical instruction, the good ideas, the use of God's word....it does me no good to have it if I am not striving to apply it to my life. This is an area that I can become so complacent in...much like the groceries that are shoved to the back of the pantry...I know the can of peas is back there....and in a pinch I can use them...they aren't my first, second or even third choice...but if I am super hungry and it's all that's left...I can make do. I CAN eat them. Sometimes I find myself treating my spiritual life the same way. Rating the goodness of the verses, trying everything BUT going to the Word...looking at it with distaste as if it was not good for me.

It's a trap. One set by the enemy to entice us to go towards other fixes for our issues. But the only real fix for ourselves is His Word. It's the best there is. Friends might have good advice and well intentioned counselors might encourage your heart, but in the middle of the night when all that stands between you and your thoughts is the Word of God....realize.. you've got everything you could ever need. Right there.

The Voice

"I think I'm depressed....seriously don't know if I can handle anything else."

Ever gotten a text like that from a friend like that? I have...and truth be known...I've even sent a text like that. And if we are honest....and I hope we are....whether we've sent the actual text or not...I'm fairly certain that we've all felt that way before. It's reality...sometimes life is tough. Sometimes life hurts. Sometimes life sucks the life out of us.  Sometimes we add an LOL or a HaHA....and what we really mean is this is rough...I am about to give in. Sometimes we loose track of the voice.

Sometimes the voice inside my head is louder than the voice inside my heart.

There....I've said it.

Recently after one of those kinds of days....after being brutally honest with my pitiful self....after I ate a big bowl of my feelings...after I cried...after I got mad at myself...I heard that heart voice. Why after? Because I was listening to the loud voice in my head....my flesh. Because I'm human. Grossly human.

I know "people" who live with the loud voice of the head blaring in their ear. It's the way they live...consumed by the voice of the enemy. That's not the way God wants us to live. That's not the way we were made to live. That's not a way to live. So how do we squelch the voice that's in our heads that says things like...

"I'm not good enough"
"I'm too tired"
"I'm not worth it"
"Nobody cares"
"It's all too much"

Well as I learn this lesson with you..these are some things I am finding out. The heart voice speaks quietly...gently. Be still....listen carefully. Lean in. 

I'm learning that God's message of acceptance is so hard to believe that sometimes I don't. It's so contrary to what the world's message is....I don't have to be anything...not nicer, not thinner, not a better mom, not a perfect wife, not employee of the month. He accepts me just the way He created me.  I don't need to measure up to anyone.

He wants more for me....That voice in my head has three goals....Kill, steal, destroy. The voice in my heart...comes to give me abundant life. Do I even know what that looks like? Well if you thought it meant you'd be richer and more successful and more influential and more liked...well...you're wrong. If you know anything about what Jesus valued as important you know that the things that He loved the most...that brought Him the most was that His children learn to walk in truth. (III John 2:4) And the only way we learn to walk in the truth is to be faced with situations that we are forced to choose...to choose the truth....and to walk in it. That means we are going to face tough, challenging, hard days.

Bottom line...as I'm learning...is the way to hear the voice in my heart...is to be still, listen to His words and choose to do them. Man, oh, man....that kind of bypasses some very flesh -gratifying behavior...like eating my feelings or complaining to a friend or even beating myself up.

Let's do this....Let's walk taller and stronger because we're listening to the voice in our hearts ...It's time to listen to the voice of truth.

Carry Ons

So in packing for four people for just eight days you might would think it's a simple task...no big deal. And truly...the actual packing of 8 outfits for 4 people is not really that heroic. The suitcases were pretty much 90% packed yesterday. Today's the day of odds and ends...shoes, toiletries and last minute freshly washed clothes will be thrown in right at the end.

But today is also the dreaded "carry on" packing. You know...that one small bag that is going to hold enough items for survival during your 4 hour flight. The "carry on" packing looks different for all four members of our family...

Bruce- computer, Bible, notepad, phone charger

Gina- books, lifesavers, magazines, Bible, phone charger, important information for the trip, makeup

Savannah- travel pillow, jacket, iPad, chargers, books, Bible, doodle pad, phase 10 cards, duct tape, earbuds

Tucker- travel pillow, iPad, headphones

It's tough deciding what you're going to include in your carry on. What is worth the cost your back will pay as you lug your backpack through the airport? What will you really need? What will you have time to do? Will you really use everything you've packed? Is it really a necessity?

I'm pretty sure I should ask those same questions regarding the spiritual and emotional baggage I carry in my life. What burdens are worth the cost of the pain it takes to bear them? What things do I really need in my life? What things do I have the time to do? Are these burdens necessary? Will I be able to use what I am carrying to bring glory to the Lord?

As I think about those questions myself, I know that I carry weight that is unnecessary sometimes. Sometimes I carry the weight of guilt, unforgiveness, inadequacy, pride. Those are carry ons I was never meant to bear. Instead...burdens like lost souls, the burdens of my family in Christ, a broken heart for those who have walked away from the Lord, the weight of the fruit of the spirit....These are the carry ons that I should be weighted down with. Those are the things that our Savior carried while He was on this earth...as our example...may our hearts break for what breaks His.

So many times I'm burdened with things I was never meant to carry. Maybe you find yourself in that situation. What can we do? I'm glad you asked....Here's what I am learning:

1. Empty your carry on. Lay out your burdens before the Lord. Ask Him to take the things that you have no business carrying. Leave those items with Him. You can't carry what you don't have. And ..don't be an Indian giver....you know...the kind of person that says you can have these...but then makes all these exceptions...if you take care of it properly, if you don't ever get rid of it, until I want it back...

2. Fill it up. After leaving your baggage with the Lord, fill your bag with things that bring joy to the heart of God...the fruits of the spirit are an excellent place to start. As a Christian love, joy, peace....should be overflows of what Christ has done in your life. Pack your carry on to the brim with those qualities and others that reflect the heart of God.

3. Get moving. Don't babysit your burdens....they don't need you. You left them with Jesus....and He's pretty much wiped them out...defeated them at the cross. If you keep coming back to check on them, you exceed the limit of your carry on. And there's a cost for that. Sometimes the cost is a lack of peace or joy....which are crowded out of your carry on because you've replaced them with fear or doubt or some other sin. When you get moving in the right direction with your carry-on filled with things that glorify the Lord, you can't help but walk confidently, strong in the power of the Lord.

So...happy traveling. May your load be lighter and your steps ordered by the Lord. After all He's the best pilot for the journey you're on.

When I Don't Want to Do Right

There is going to be some truth here on the blog today...so hang on.

There is sometimes a struggle within me between the correct way to behave, react, be.....and the way God wants me to behave, react, be. Sometimes might be understanding it....it goes on. A LOT. And I feel a little like Paul from the Bible who says,

"I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do." Romans 7:15.

Ever feel that way?

I've been a Christian for 36 years. I know what the Bible says about the way I should live. I even know the general rules of society that are just good manners. But sometimes I lose sight of those reminders, manners, principles...even commands...like Tucker loses sight of his morning chores.

Sheesh. Walking the Christian walk is hard stuff. It's a challenge daily to lay aside the things that I think need to be said and done and replace them with God's plan of humility and grace. I'm no expert but I am learning that His way is always best. Always. It might be hard to set aside what my flesh so naturally wants to be doing but it only takes one misspoken word or action to remind me that His way helps me avoid foot in mouth disease!

Of course, I'm thankful for God's grace that covers my share of multitudes of sin BUT....I don't want to embrace a false liberty that allows me to live like a heathen while claiming..."God will forgive me." I want to be victorious in this walk with the Lord. I want to claim His word as my sword and shield as I fight my own flesh, let alone the things the enemy throws my way. The battle is hard...duh...it wouldn't be called a battle if it wasn't. It's harder without protection and armor, actually impossible to have any real victory. So I am challenged to pick up the armor daily and put it on. It doesn't do any good just knowing about it. I've got to use it. His armor is the only protection against the enemy.

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Ephesians 6:13

So if you're like me...struggling to be who you are and who God created you to be...struggling with doing what's right verses just knowing what is right....Take heart. Yes, there's forgiveness but there's also a defense against yourself...God's armor...Pick it up, dust it off, put it on.

What To Do When Your Server Is Down

Computer problems are a hassle, inconvenient and frustrating. I remember about 7 years ago when I sent my first text (yes, I was behind the times) I wondered how anyone could be so dependent on technology and now just a few years later I find myself tapping my computer when the high speed just isn't fast enough. And when the server is down...well pass the ice cream because between two kids and Bruce and I...somebody is going to be stress eating. We are such first world people. Thankfully we have a couple of genius friends who know just about everything there is to know about our gadgets that when we are down...they get us up and running pretty quick. Bless them.

But lately it's been hard not to notice that physically my "serve" has been hit or miss. Oh...don't get me wrong, I've been doing and going and accomplishing but my heart has been tired and worn and I've been depending more on me than on the One who never fails. So last week we went to GA to visit my family and I had some time to think about and pray about my attitude and my serve. And here's what I was reminded of:

--Jesus was the ultimate example of "serve". And yet, even He had to take time away to recharge with the Father. He went away to the garden, to the mountains and who knows where else during his earthly ministry, for the purpose of rest and renewal. Close, intentional communion with God will do that. But He didn't stay gone forever. After His 40 days, He came back ready and willing to do whatever God asked Him to.

--My attitude is important as I serve. His word says, "Serve the Lord with gladness", in Psalm 100:2, is a command ...not a suggestion. I normally enjoy serving my family, my church and my community. But when my attitude isn't plugged into the joy found in Christ, I'm miserable. I find myself complaining about mundane things...laundry and dirty socks and hair in the sink and emptying the dishwasher. What I was reminded of on my getaway is that there are no mundane tasks assigned by God. I'm a wife and mom..that's my job description...and my service to my husband and children should be with joy filled gladness even when there's spilt milk and crumbs on the table.

--I serve the Worthy One. On earth it's easy to think about who deserves our service- family, church, friends, country, the poor. But the truth is, our service should be to the Lord. Whatever we are doing..to whoever we are doing it to...for whatever reason we are doing it. And when my eyes are fixed on Him and I am filled with His Spirit to walk and do the things that He has scheduled for me to accomplish, I'm unstoppable.

A couple of practical things to do when your server is down:

1. Get in God's word and be encouraged.

2. Stay faithful in fellowship with your church.

3. Confess known sin.

4. Ask God to reveal unknown sin and ask forgiveness as He does.

5. Fellowship with Godly people who will encourage you.

6. Recharge. And then get busy again...(Repeat as needed)

7. Ask God to show you His plan for your service. We can't do it all. He has a place designed where you'll be most effective.

8. Remind yourself of what you've been saved from.

9. Defeat Satan by quoting scripture

10. Ask God to stir you up to do good works. Why? So others will be drawn to His spirit in you.


I've returned....revived and recharged to serve my family, friends, church and community by doing the things that God wants me to be busy doing. I have the ability to say no to the things that God does not call me to. And I have the desire to say YES to the many things that I can do. He's gracious to give me so many opportunities to share His love and care for humanity. I'm thankful to be His hands.

Purging

I've spent the bulk of January cleaning out stuff.....closets, cabinets, dressers, under beds, under couch cushions, hutches and baskets and everywhere else. It's been a complete overhaul. I have done a smaller version of this every January since I've been married but this year it was extreme. And truth is...I still have more left to do, but I don't want to get obsessive about it so I've given myself this week off from the whole mess.

And it is a mess. The sorting, the deciding if I keep or if I discard, the throwing away massive amounts of things, the bagging up the rest, the dirt and dust left behind. It's a gross task that I don't get very excited about doing....Until I start seeing the results.

A clean and organized pantry.
Dust free baseboards
Socks all matched up
The ability to find the remote control

and my list could go on and on.

It's the purging of all the unnecessary that allows us to live more. As we have cleared out old toys and puzzles and games, it's reminded us of the things we do have. It's been in the purging that we have become more grateful, more aware of the material blessings that God has given us. It's been in the purging that we've seen our excess...our greed...our consumption of stuff. And that's a hard pill to swallow. It's this purging that has revealed not just the junk in my house, but the junk in my soul. The excess things, the dirt and the grime that can build up from neglect and hoarding. It's been a spiritual wake up call...that hits the heart and the pocketbook.

Purging is constant. In our home as things come in..things need to go out. Spiritually as I consume God's word, I should find a way to pass that along to someone else who might need it too. It's when our souls become greedy that we begin to hoard the goodness of the Lord....like it might run out. We become selfish and keep our stuff for ourselves..all the while we are actually creating a big mess of clutter and uncleanliness.

My goal is stay on top of the clutter...both physically and spiritually speaking.