Yesterday at church I was uncomfortable. The message was on God's holiness and the explanation of Isaiah 6 was almost more than I could handle. God's holiness, something I will never ever begin to understand...by definition...I can't. But to hear how Isaiah saw the angels and to here about just the tiniest piece of God's garment filling the temple. Can you try to even visualize the vastness? And what about the pillars shaking with the fullness of His glory. It was just too much. As I sat there I was once again reminded how small I am in the scheme of His holiness...and reminded that in spite of that...His love for me is BIG...His desire for me is LARGE and His grace is ENOUGH to bridge the gap between my utter unworthiness, to this holiness that He wants me to get a glimpse of.
Then Sunday Night I was even more uncomfortable as we studied the rich man and Lazarus found in Luke. The question was posed "Do people in hell have more concern for the lost than Christians here on earth. The rich man was begging for an opportunity to share Jesus with his friends and family because he was experiencing hell. There was no question...he didn't want them ending up with him. Then the illustration of Paul...being willing to give up (if He could....but he can't) his salvation so that Israel will come to know Christ. What kind of love would be willing to do that?
I don't know...but I left church feeling like I was missing the mark and in desperate need of this zeal that both these messages contained. Sometimes these messages hit me but by Sunday evening I've brushed those feelings aside and moved on to thinking about the upcoming week and all the to-do's it holds. This week I think I'm going to sit on this uncomfortable feeling and allow this conviction to expose all these horrible inadequacies so that forgiveness and grace can do it's perfect work. I don't want to gloss over or shove to the side the uncomfortableness that I feel right now. I want to soak in it. Deal with the thoughts that are flooding my mind and then marinade in the promise of new mercy every morning, sufficient and amazing grace and beauty for ashes.
God's still working on me. Thankfully.