I've been dreaming of the day that I would be staying home as a full time wife and mom. And the time is now. After working in some form or fashion for the last 20 years (10 of them as a mom), I am overwhelmed and in awe that God has heard my cry to stay home with my kids and concentrate on that calling in my life. To say this road has been an easy one to pass would be a lie. We've counted the cost of becoming a one income family and decided it is totally worth it. I've wondered if I will be going crazy sometime in the middle of our homeschooling year next November or December and have determined, that I'm sure somewhere along the way, I'll end up sending a SOS flare up to the sky. But..in all the unknowns and costs and fears, one thing is certain, I have watched my God direct us each step of the way, and I know that same God will take care of all the incidentals the rest of the way.
In September of last year, I started teaching a Wednesday Night small group of ladies at my church. We did a book studying using Priscilla Shirer's Resolution for Women. We were bopping along quite nicely until I was preparing for week five. I was sitting in my chair in the front living room and remember exactly the feeling that came over me, when I read this:
5. A Resolution To Devote My Best to God’s Priorities For Me
I will seek to devote the best of myself, my time, and my talents to the primary roles the Lord has entrusted to me in this phase of my life.
And it hit me. Like bricks falling off a truck or a football player being tackled....either way...it was rough. I had been burning the proverbial candle at both ends of the stick. I was trying to juggle all the mom stuff, wife stuff, church stuff, school teacher stuff, friend stuff and I was tired, sick, run down and felt myself becoming irritated with things that used to bring me great joy. I definitely wasn't giving my best to any of the God-given priorities in my life. I was giving my best to things that I chose for myself and the priorities that God had given me were suffering. And I knew it.
Over Christmas break I had planned to overhaul my house, thinking that if I could just get a handle on things that I could put this gnawing feeling behind me and refocus with a fresh start. But instead I ended up with the flu and bronchitis and was wiped out. I hadn't felt good in months, the Dr. looked at me and said, "rest".
But I didn't want to rest, I wanted to work in my house and cook meals and do all the things that I never had time to do because of the other things I was juggling. But I went to bed for a few days, and as I laid there I knew what I needed to do. And in the back of my mind, it's what I have desired for years and years but for one reason or another couldn't/wouldn't do. I needed to quit my job and stay home and give my best to my husband, our kids and our church. Because, that's what God has called me to for this phase of my life.
I will never have a 10 and 7 year old again. Tucker and Savannah are growing up and the time will be gone before I know it. God gave me a preacher husband and for as long as I can remember we've been better together in ministry than separate so I want to serve with him as much as I can. I want to aim to be the Proverbs 31 woman whose home is in order, children are in order and whose husband can depend on her.
It amazes me that God has allowed everything to work out beautifully. His favor....undeserved...at work once again.
I'm thankful for my years teaching and in other professions along the way. I'm happy that I had the privilege to teach for three years at our church/school. But now it's time to put that energy into my own family and see where that takes us! Today truly is the first day of the rest of my life!