I Am Afraid

I've lived a lot of my life being careful...

careful not to offend...
to be nice...
to act right...
to take the high road...
to keep my nose clean...

But I've done these things mostly because I've been afraid..

Afraid I would offend you
Afraid I wouldn't be accepted
Afraid I would be misunderstood
Afraid I wouldn't be liked
Afraid I would turn you away from Jesus
Afraid I'd get in trouble

But I'm kind of over it.

It has gotten me no where.

And as I've been studying God's word about it...it really isn't biblical.

Kindness is God's way....but so is honesty.
And sometimes kindness isn't niceness.

Truth is God's way....and sometimes that's a hard pill to swallow.
But it doesn't change the fact that lies and half-truths and anti-biblical opinions are poison.

Acceptance with man is a far cry from acceptance with God.
And He accepts me....a freckly faced southern girl that is insecure and unsure.
Who never knows quite the right thing to do, say or wear..  so she plays it safe. Nice.

But lately my fears are changing....

I'm afraid if I don't walk in love and truth and boldness that my daughter might not either.

I'm afraid if I don't learn to speak with that balance of truth and love that HIS voice might not be the one heard after I'm gone.

I'm afraid if church is just someplace I go because as the pastor's wife it's the right thing (yes, even me)...that I will have led a life full of Sunday's and Wednesdays that are nothing but hypocrisy.

I'm afraid if all I contribute to this world is niceness...then my influence will disappear like a vapor....like I NEVER really lived.

I'm afraid if all my son sees is a mother who allows herself to be ruled by her emotions then he will not be equipped when choosing a spouse for himself one day.

I'm afraid that God will find every work I've done on this earth just smoldering pathetic pile of ashes because I was so worried if you would like me or not.

Wow...it's been like a wake-up call. And not a fun one. But these are fears that need to overtake me...not the ones that are full of self absorbed "I's".

So ...it's time ....time to be afraid for the right reasons.

What about you? Do you struggle with people-pleasing? With thinking being nice is always the right way?  Do you allow mistruths to define you because you are too afraid of the cost of confrontation? Do you worry about your kids seeing your insecurities?

Let's make a pact..let's pray for each other...let's seriously consider the damage we are doing in our homes and in our communities.....and let's turn it around. Let's be willing to talk about the tough stuff but instead of worrying about our feelings ....worry about what God says. Let's quit being offended and be Biblical. Let's worry about teaching our kids to weigh it all by the scale of God's Word...not emotions, or political correctness or niceness.

Let's quit being afraid about the wrong things.

I'm in....what about you?