Ill-Equipped

To be certain of God means that we are uncertain in all our ways, not knowing what tomorrow may bring. This is generally expressed with a sigh of sadness, but it should be an expression of breathless expectation. - Oswald Chambers

This quote sums up the feelings I have been struggling, striving and wrestling with lately. Today it was used in Bruce's sermon and I felt like a chord struck my spirit. Finally! Someone put into words how I have been feeling recently. I'm struggling with this calling God has on my life during this season. I feel unworthy, uneducated, ill-equipped and scared. Yet...I am trying not to respond to things through these enemy-induced feelings. I'm learning to claim His worth, His wisdom, His provision. I am learning that my midnight talks, meditations and early wake-up calls from Him are divine appointments.

For a while I feared the things God was calling me to tackle. I feared because I felt like there was no way I could do it. And I was right. There is no way I can do this thing He wants me to. It's too big, too hard, too overwhelming. There's no way I can do it. I don't want to. I want to see it accomplished but I am sure that my fingerprints won't be on it. Yet over the last few months I've changed...I'm willing now. I'm willing to do my part, to lead, to work, to pray, to sweat, to dig, to plant, to water, to harvest...but along the way...I want people to see something - someone bigger. The ONE who can make a real difference...eternal in lives.

I wait with breathless expectation to see what God will accomplish. Wait with me.