Wednesday, June 1, 2011

My Will.....

We finalized our Wills yesterday...yep, the kind you make when you're thinking about all the things that can happen to you when you are flying in a plane over the ocean and are 3, 133 miles away from the people you love. Truth is, we should have done this years ago...but what's that they say about hind sight?

It's funny that as we were thinking about who to give our kids to and the life insurance money and all our meager costly estate, it kind of dawned on me....this is pretty much the only thing under the sun that I get 100% say in and have 100% confidence (well, as close to that as possible) that it will be carried out exactly like we have it set up. It seems like things are set up so that in dying I will get exactly what I desire.

Hmm.....there's some deeper truth to that! Do you see it? I've been wrestling with pride lately. These thoughts have been running through my head (if you think I am perfect this is going to dispel those thoughts for sure):

1. I want to be heard
2. I want to be appreciated
3. I want to scream at the top of my lungs
4. I want people to understand me
5. I want ....I want .....I want

Boy, I'm annoyed at myself for just seeing that in print! But, the truth is that anytime more than a few sentences that run through my head begin with the word "I" then I can be pretty sure there is a prIde issue at hand. In dying to my wants, desires, emotions....there is somehow a freedom. I get exactly what I was looking for all along....someone to listen, a God who thinks I am special, someone who hears my faintest whisper and my deepest longings, someone who understands my thoughts before I even know them. I get exactly what I want when I die spiritually. I get everything...I get everything.

So, why the struggle? Why the struggle to be alive in the world we live partake in the temporal things that it affords us? Why the struggle to fit in, to be a part, to be understood? I don't know, except that my flesh cries out for it....yearns for the satisfaction of being a part of something, accepted by someone and loved. 

What I am growing to understand is that all those things I am feeling, wanting, hoping for...are found when I die to my will and take hold of God's. His desires for my life are far greater than the words of any man or woman on earth. His plan will bring me more satisfaction, completeness and experience than the best life coach on earth could orchestrate for me. Dying to this flesh, desire, will....that's the part that takes practice....every day, hour, minute....dying to this "need" to be whatever my flesh cries out for and embracing this death-type freedom than in Jesus Christ we are ALIVE....Alive in Him....

That's His will for my take hold of abundance in HIM and discard the grave clothes of this world!

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