The Voice

"I think I'm depressed....seriously don't know if I can handle anything else."

Ever gotten a text like that from a friend like that? I have...and truth be known...I've even sent a text like that. And if we are honest....and I hope we are....whether we've sent the actual text or not...I'm fairly certain that we've all felt that way before. It's reality...sometimes life is tough. Sometimes life hurts. Sometimes life sucks the life out of us.  Sometimes we add an LOL or a HaHA....and what we really mean is this is rough...I am about to give in. Sometimes we loose track of the voice.

Sometimes the voice inside my head is louder than the voice inside my heart.

There....I've said it.

Recently after one of those kinds of days....after being brutally honest with my pitiful self....after I ate a big bowl of my feelings...after I cried...after I got mad at myself...I heard that heart voice. Why after? Because I was listening to the loud voice in my head....my flesh. Because I'm human. Grossly human.

I know "people" who live with the loud voice of the head blaring in their ear. It's the way they live...consumed by the voice of the enemy. That's not the way God wants us to live. That's not the way we were made to live. That's not a way to live. So how do we squelch the voice that's in our heads that says things like...

"I'm not good enough"
"I'm too tired"
"I'm not worth it"
"Nobody cares"
"It's all too much"

Well as I learn this lesson with you..these are some things I am finding out. The heart voice speaks quietly...gently. Be still....listen carefully. Lean in. 

I'm learning that God's message of acceptance is so hard to believe that sometimes I don't. It's so contrary to what the world's message is....I don't have to be anything...not nicer, not thinner, not a better mom, not a perfect wife, not employee of the month. He accepts me just the way He created me.  I don't need to measure up to anyone.

He wants more for me....That voice in my head has three goals....Kill, steal, destroy. The voice in my heart...comes to give me abundant life. Do I even know what that looks like? Well if you thought it meant you'd be richer and more successful and more influential and more liked...well...you're wrong. If you know anything about what Jesus valued as important you know that the things that He loved the most...that brought Him the most was that His children learn to walk in truth. (III John 2:4) And the only way we learn to walk in the truth is to be faced with situations that we are forced to choose...to choose the truth....and to walk in it. That means we are going to face tough, challenging, hard days.

Bottom line...as I'm learning...is the way to hear the voice in my heart...is to be still, listen to His words and choose to do them. Man, oh, man....that kind of bypasses some very flesh -gratifying behavior...like eating my feelings or complaining to a friend or even beating myself up.

Let's do this....Let's walk taller and stronger because we're listening to the voice in our hearts ...It's time to listen to the voice of truth.

Carry Ons

So in packing for four people for just eight days you might would think it's a simple task...no big deal. And truly...the actual packing of 8 outfits for 4 people is not really that heroic. The suitcases were pretty much 90% packed yesterday. Today's the day of odds and ends...shoes, toiletries and last minute freshly washed clothes will be thrown in right at the end.

But today is also the dreaded "carry on" packing. You know...that one small bag that is going to hold enough items for survival during your 4 hour flight. The "carry on" packing looks different for all four members of our family...

Bruce- computer, Bible, notepad, phone charger

Gina- books, lifesavers, magazines, Bible, phone charger, important information for the trip, makeup

Savannah- travel pillow, jacket, iPad, chargers, books, Bible, doodle pad, phase 10 cards, duct tape, earbuds

Tucker- travel pillow, iPad, headphones

It's tough deciding what you're going to include in your carry on. What is worth the cost your back will pay as you lug your backpack through the airport? What will you really need? What will you have time to do? Will you really use everything you've packed? Is it really a necessity?

I'm pretty sure I should ask those same questions regarding the spiritual and emotional baggage I carry in my life. What burdens are worth the cost of the pain it takes to bear them? What things do I really need in my life? What things do I have the time to do? Are these burdens necessary? Will I be able to use what I am carrying to bring glory to the Lord?

As I think about those questions myself, I know that I carry weight that is unnecessary sometimes. Sometimes I carry the weight of guilt, unforgiveness, inadequacy, pride. Those are carry ons I was never meant to bear. Instead...burdens like lost souls, the burdens of my family in Christ, a broken heart for those who have walked away from the Lord, the weight of the fruit of the spirit....These are the carry ons that I should be weighted down with. Those are the things that our Savior carried while He was on this earth...as our example...may our hearts break for what breaks His.

So many times I'm burdened with things I was never meant to carry. Maybe you find yourself in that situation. What can we do? I'm glad you asked....Here's what I am learning:

1. Empty your carry on. Lay out your burdens before the Lord. Ask Him to take the things that you have no business carrying. Leave those items with Him. You can't carry what you don't have. And ..don't be an Indian giver....you know...the kind of person that says you can have these...but then makes all these exceptions...if you take care of it properly, if you don't ever get rid of it, until I want it back...

2. Fill it up. After leaving your baggage with the Lord, fill your bag with things that bring joy to the heart of God...the fruits of the spirit are an excellent place to start. As a Christian love, joy, peace....should be overflows of what Christ has done in your life. Pack your carry on to the brim with those qualities and others that reflect the heart of God.

3. Get moving. Don't babysit your burdens....they don't need you. You left them with Jesus....and He's pretty much wiped them out...defeated them at the cross. If you keep coming back to check on them, you exceed the limit of your carry on. And there's a cost for that. Sometimes the cost is a lack of peace or joy....which are crowded out of your carry on because you've replaced them with fear or doubt or some other sin. When you get moving in the right direction with your carry-on filled with things that glorify the Lord, you can't help but walk confidently, strong in the power of the Lord.

So...happy traveling. May your load be lighter and your steps ordered by the Lord. After all He's the best pilot for the journey you're on.

Boston Bound

In a few days my family and I along with 11 others from our church will be headed to Boston to help do some work at Boston Baptist College. 

While there we will be remodeling an apartment where guests from around the world stay while they visit the campus for teaching or meetings. We will also be scraping and painting various areas around campus, planting flower beds, washing down baseboards and making welcome back packets for all the students for when they will return in September. We are excited about ministering to this community of Christian young adults preparing for the ministry and to their staff who lead and teach them.

We will have the opportunity to take in some of the sights of Boston and the New England area. I'm sure we will be taking lots of pictures and I'll post some when we return.

Why Boston? Well, funny you should ask. Over a year ago Bruce had the opportunity to visit the campus, speak in chapel and get acquainted with the campus and professors better. He came back to Texas extremely excited to see this Biblical institution training up young men and women in an area of the country where our Biblical worldview is challenged on a daily basis. In the midst of his excitement he also became burdened for the lack of Christianity in this city that seems so foundational in our Christian heritage in America. Humanism, cultural influences and our straying from Godly principles in government has influenced the Boston culture greatly. After visiting with the president of the college six months ago, Bruce felt very compelled for us to help this institution as they raise up a generation of pastors, teachers, preachers, worship leaders who are preparing to take the gospel to our own country and abroad.

Boston ranks 91 of 96 in the least Bible minded cities in America. By helping Boston Baptist College we are hoping to help with their efforts of spreading the Bible's message, Christ's message to their city as their students work, minister and reach out to their city for four years or more while they make Boston their home.

What can you do? Pray...for safety and for seeds to be planted and for God to bless our efforts. We want to be an encouragement to the people we minister with and also to have opportunities to share the gospel as the Lord opens the doors.

When I Don't Want to Do Right

There is going to be some truth here on the blog today...so hang on.

There is sometimes a struggle within me between the correct way to behave, react, be.....and the way God wants me to behave, react, be. Sometimes might be understanding it....it goes on. A LOT. And I feel a little like Paul from the Bible who says,

"I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do." Romans 7:15.

Ever feel that way?

I've been a Christian for 36 years. I know what the Bible says about the way I should live. I even know the general rules of society that are just good manners. But sometimes I lose sight of those reminders, manners, principles...even commands...like Tucker loses sight of his morning chores.

Sheesh. Walking the Christian walk is hard stuff. It's a challenge daily to lay aside the things that I think need to be said and done and replace them with God's plan of humility and grace. I'm no expert but I am learning that His way is always best. Always. It might be hard to set aside what my flesh so naturally wants to be doing but it only takes one misspoken word or action to remind me that His way helps me avoid foot in mouth disease!

Of course, I'm thankful for God's grace that covers my share of multitudes of sin BUT....I don't want to embrace a false liberty that allows me to live like a heathen while claiming..."God will forgive me." I want to be victorious in this walk with the Lord. I want to claim His word as my sword and shield as I fight my own flesh, let alone the things the enemy throws my way. The battle is hard...duh...it wouldn't be called a battle if it wasn't. It's harder without protection and armor, actually impossible to have any real victory. So I am challenged to pick up the armor daily and put it on. It doesn't do any good just knowing about it. I've got to use it. His armor is the only protection against the enemy.

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Ephesians 6:13

So if you're like me...struggling to be who you are and who God created you to be...struggling with doing what's right verses just knowing what is right....Take heart. Yes, there's forgiveness but there's also a defense against yourself...God's armor...Pick it up, dust it off, put it on.

Dreams Really Do Come True

I've always dreamed of having a grand piano. Not because I'm a snobby, have to have the best of everything kind of gal....because if you know me you know that I'm more a trash to treasure country girl. But there is just something about that beautiful deep sound of a grand piano that fills a room and echoes through the hall that I have always always loved.

But they cost a lot of money....

Like 10,000 to the moon.

And last time I checked we didn't have that kind of funds....for anything....let alone a splurging purchase like a grand piano. And come to think of it...even if we did I'm pretty sure that's not how we'd be spending it at this stage in our lives....

Until Bruce heard about a steal of a deal that a church was selling their 6 year old Wurlitzer baby grand piano....for an unbelievably small amount of cash. And so Bruce inquired without my knowledge and the next thing I know he's grinning ear to ear telling me he bought me a little something. Be still my heart!

It took about 10 days for delivery ....but I sit here a very happy little lady....

And there's been some of this going on too....which I LOVE.....

I'm so excited to see how God uses this instrument to bless others. I envision nights of singalongs, holiday caroling, jam sessions with Tucker on the drums and duets with Savannah. Thanks to Bruce for thinking of all the music and fun this would bring into our lives. 

Teacher Pay Teacher Store- Love N Learn

A few years ago I found a great resource to use as a teacher. The Teacher Pay Teacher Site has thousands of teaching resources for every imaginable subject, created by teachers for teachers to use in their classrooms. I fell in love with all the well designed unit studies and used many of them in my classroom.

Since then I've piddled with uploading my own teacher created documents, offering many of them for free, as is the way of teacher pay teacher. As I've made things for my own kids I've uploaded them and have been pleasantly surprised that others have found them useful in any way. So,  if you're looking for a way to keep your preschool and elementary students from the summer slump of 2014, you might take a peak over there at my little store that is just beginning. Many items are free, with nothing in my store is priced over $2.00. I'm still learning all the ins and outs of the marketing side of all this...and honestly it feels a little weird to even be telling anyone about it. But I know teacher pay teacher is a great resource for teachers everywhere so I didn't want to keep it a secret...plus it earns this stay at home mom a little mad money.

So, take a peak, when you have time...and browse the site. It's a pretty neat little community.

Love N Learn is my store name...CLICK HERE to take a peak!

Or go directly to a few favorite pages:

Over the Rainbow Math Games

Popsicle Activities

Spring Math Combo

Or go to a few of my free downloads:

This one's been downloaded 1,654 times: Sequencing

This one's been downloaded 1,607 times: Greater than Less than Cards

This ones been downloaded 1,396 times: 1-50 number sequencing

Have fun browsing!

Saying Goodbye Is Never An Easy Thing....

So....today we loaded up the first real purchase of any great value that Bruce and I made as a married couple. A piano. A Mark Model Electric Kurzweil Piano cased in cherry wood. We paid $6000 and we thought we were in the big time.

I began teaching piano lessons almost immediately. We were living in College Station and Bruce was the youth pastor and we were both subbing in the public school system full-time. It was a crazy busy time in our lives, filled with ups and downs of young married life and trying to start a family and that piano helped to soothe some of our first sorrows as a married couple. Music will do that.

When we left College Station, Bruce became pastor of a small church in the town of Fannett, Texas. They had an old upright that I played on for a few years but when we built our new church building my piano was used as the main instrument...and for about 6 years it was parked on stage at the church. I taught another slew of kids and teenagers and even a few adults while we lived there. We had recitals and sing-a-longs and it's there that I learned to play off a chord sheet....at the ripe old age of 30.

After nearly 10 years in Fannett, we moved to Gunter, Texas. Bruce began pastoring a small group of people there and within a few months, the piano made it's way into the church building. Up until that time it had been all guitar and soundtracks. I began teaching another group of students...more recitals and worship.

When we moved to Sulphur Springs, I was able to keep my piano at home with me. It's been a real blessing to our family over the last five years. Savannah has taken lessons for 4 years and has been tickling those ivories on a regular basis ever since her first lesson. Good memories of singing with her  and having Tucker on the drums beside us with stay with me forever.

That piano served me well...and it's going to a sweet family that will love it as much as we did. It's paid for itself over and over ...not only financially but also through the fun we've had as a family with the music that has flowed freely around us these last 20 years.

Today as Bruce and a friend carried the piano out and loaded it up, I shed a few tears...sentimental of course...The journey of those keys has special memories wrapped with special people and places that are dear to my heart. I am so thankful for the ministry that it represented and the lives that have been brought to worship as a result.

$6000 well spent by two crazy newlyweds. 88 keys tickled by 100+ students and many many hours of practicing....weddings and funerals and church services and much much more! Special and sweet memories.

Stay tuned to see its replacement....