I need it.
Like mercy every morning and daily bread, I need grace. I need it from the Lord and I need it from you. I'm telling it like it is. I can't make it without it. I am terribly fallible and extremely prone to disappointing God and man and without a lot of grace I will become the recipient of your judgement, your disappointment, your frustration, your anger and your scorn. I am the chiefest of sinners, said Paul....and I echo his confession.
It probably doesn't help that God has placed me in ministry....there's a whole 'nother group of people that I can manage to disappoint or possible turn away from being closely knit together with a group of believers. It's like God was playing a giant joke on humanity when He called me. Seriously Lord?
But He did and for years I tried to live this perfect little pastor's wife life, until I realized, I don't really do perfect very well. And so began the quest for something that was more real than perfect. And I found grace again. Someone in real clothes and shoes gave me a giant helping of grace one time and I will never forget what grace looks like this side of heaven. Relief. Freedom. Peace.
Grace is not my cop out...it's my complete confession that I can't make you happy all the time....I can't even make myself happy all the time! I can't always be there for you. I don't have all the answers. I will fail you. I will disappoint you. I can't do much of anything perfect. It's my humble pie paired with a strong cup of "I'm sorry" when I fail you and it's the beautiful embrace of grace that comforts my heart when I mess up.
Thankfully God just heaps it on. Day after wonderful day. As a Christian, I am learning daily what it means to walk in that grace...to receive it, to give it, to share it, to talk about it, to embrace it. Receiving it reminds me how much I need to give it. When I'm frustrated with someone...give them grace. When I grow impatient of the same old, same old....give them grace. When I'm tired physically and the demands keep coming...give grace. It's the remedy for the hardened soul to be soften and it's the only things that can bind two hearts as one. Grace. Room to make a mistake and still be loved. Grace. Forgiveness without a guilt trip. Grace. Forgetting what is behind and forging ahead to a glorious future.
Grace. I need it. Do you?