January Recap

We rang in the new year, hands holding hands with our church family. About 60 of us gathered for games and finger foods and prayer on New Years Eve and enjoyed fun and laughter and good fellowship with each other.

January was a cleaning out month...as reported earlier, and I plan to do another good sweep in February too. I also ordered my first big order from Amazon Prime. Toilet paper, soaps, laundry detergent, dish soap, trash bags...and other cleaning products. I did some comparisons and the prices we spot on those at Walmart...and are delivered to my door in 48 hours. Yes, please and thank you. Ladies Bible study started back up. We are studying Charles Stanley's 30 Life Principles and even though I doubted myself on this study I am so thankful that we chose it. Every week someone tells me how much it has ministered to them...truly it's a fantastic study. The kids got back to school...only to be interrupted by a ski trip Savannah took with friends. She had a blast and is counting down the days to go back again.

I'll leave you with a few of her pictures...

When You Feel Inadequate

For months I've felt inadequate...and in some ways even longer than that...maybe my whole life. But more recently as an adult I've felt so ill equipped to handle some of the things that the Lord has allowed to transpire in my life. And maybe in the middle of feeling these feelings I have discovered something that is changing me.

It all came to a head for me over the holidays. Between Thanksgiving and the first of the year, Bruce was involved in helping or conducting 11 funerals. 11. When the deaths started occurring we were able to stand with the families rejoicing that their loved one knew the Lord, that they were out of pain, that they were with the Lord....because after all...that's our hope...He is our hope. But after two weeks of death, and funeral preparations and sorrow and tears and watching our church family and friends mourn loss, I was feeling smaller and smaller and less capable of comforting and helping.

And maybe sometime you've felt that way too. Maybe there's been a time when you were left speechless, with no idea what to say or do or even feel. Maybe another's grief captivated you too. Maybe you felt useless, inadequate or under qualified.

I'm learning this is a good place to be. When I'm faced with these feelings of helplessness I can only do one thing and that is to somehow point people straight to Jesus. When I don't have the right words or know what to do....He does. It's not about what I can do or what I can say to someone that will make a difference, it's about the comfort that can only come from Jesus. It's about leaning into Him for guidance and dependence and recognizing that even if you did have something clever to say or do, His way is better. His spirit prompting you to cook a meal or make a phone call or send a card is so much better than you uttering senseless feel good phrases that mean nothing.

His words are the most comforting. His touch the most healing. And in times of grief, sadness, searching, spiraling, wandering, hoping or celebrating...He has all the answers...all the words that will really make a difference. I'd do good to understand His ways better. To understand that in my inadequacies He finds great joy, because it's there that I can know Him better and make Him know. Less of me. More of Him.

Purging

I've spent the bulk of January cleaning out stuff.....closets, cabinets, dressers, under beds, under couch cushions, hutches and baskets and everywhere else. It's been a complete overhaul. I have done a smaller version of this every January since I've been married but this year it was extreme. And truth is...I still have more left to do, but I don't want to get obsessive about it so I've given myself this week off from the whole mess.

And it is a mess. The sorting, the deciding if I keep or if I discard, the throwing away massive amounts of things, the bagging up the rest, the dirt and dust left behind. It's a gross task that I don't get very excited about doing....Until I start seeing the results.

A clean and organized pantry.
Dust free baseboards
Socks all matched up
The ability to find the remote control

and my list could go on and on.

It's the purging of all the unnecessary that allows us to live more. As we have cleared out old toys and puzzles and games, it's reminded us of the things we do have. It's been in the purging that we have become more grateful, more aware of the material blessings that God has given us. It's been in the purging that we've seen our excess...our greed...our consumption of stuff. And that's a hard pill to swallow. It's this purging that has revealed not just the junk in my house, but the junk in my soul. The excess things, the dirt and the grime that can build up from neglect and hoarding. It's been a spiritual wake up call...that hits the heart and the pocketbook.

Purging is constant. In our home as things come in..things need to go out. Spiritually as I consume God's word, I should find a way to pass that along to someone else who might need it too. It's when our souls become greedy that we begin to hoard the goodness of the Lord....like it might run out. We become selfish and keep our stuff for ourselves..all the while we are actually creating a big mess of clutter and uncleanliness.

My goal is stay on top of the clutter...both physically and spiritually speaking.

On the 2nd Day of New Years….

I've thought a lot about what I need to be resolving to do this year. Seems all over the blogs I read, the Facebook friends I follow, the tweets I read …even instagram is full of inspiring quotes and pledges to do everything from the mundane to the extraordinary. And yet, here I sit, not really sure what to say I'm pledging my motivation to. Maybe because it's when you resolve and you do your part, you expect good results…like dieting = lose weight or keeping organized = saved time or clipping coupons = saving money. But what happens when you do your part…you resolve…and follow through and things don't turn our like you think they should.

See…that's one of the lessons I've been learning the past year. Sometimes, you don't get to have control. Sometimes you can do the right things, you can follow God's plan as good as anyone and still things don't turn out like you think they should. Sometimes your resolve is not enough. Sometimes the chips fall where they may and you're left holding the dip (or whatever…cause I've never really understood that cliche').

By no means am I claiming perfection (just in case you've never seen me really mess up things and think that's what I was saying). But what I am saying is that sometimes as hard as I may try to obey God, follow His word, believe He has a greater plan…sometimes things look worse than when I didn't care.

Just ask Noah…I mean, how do you think he and the Mrs. must have felt as they climbed aboard the ark with their 3 sons and their wives…made one last plea for people to get on board and then heard God shut the door. Surely they knew then they had followed God's plan, but what about their hearts and humanity as they listened as those around them succumbed to the waves and water. Surely there wasn't great rejoicing because they had followed God's plan…surely they wondered if this wasn't a worse plan…a plan that couldn't possibly be right. A plan where people died and met eternity in an unbelieving state of heart.

Think of our own Jesus…a sweet baby…a manger…and yet 33 years later brutally beaten….hanging nearly naked, dead upon a cross…how could this possible be the resolved plan of God..the better way? Certainly the surge of pain through an earthly mother's heart begged to ask God….WHY? HOW COULD THIS BE THE BETTER WAY?

Sometimes the better way is messy. Sometimes our good resolutions don't always end up looking so good. Worth it??…oh yes….Just ask Noah or Jesus...but how it leaves us feeling, how it leaves us looking, how it leaves us wondering….is messy. And instead of feeling like you accomplished something wonderfully beautiful….you're left wishing you didn't have to feel anything at all.

But here's the catcher or the clincher or whatever…I'm not responsible for the end result…..that's up to the Lord. I'm responsible for the obedience to His voice, His word, His call. Sure it may look like a poor reflection of me and people may not understand or care and they may mock as Job's friends asked "Where's your God now?" But it doesn't matter…because He trumps every thing that man thinks. His plans are higher and deeper and wider and steeper. WE CANNOT FATHOM THEM! All we know is that after the trying and refining and purifying He promises we will come out of it as gold. Valuable, treasured, worth more than we could ever imagine, priceless….and truly there is nothing more than I want to resolved to be.

Wrapping Up 2013

In 16 or so hours we will ring in 2014. I am ready. I love a new year, a fresh slate, a empty notebook full of blank pages to write a new story. And if I am honest, 2013 has been a year of growth. God's stretched me in ways that I am pretty sure I will feel for the rest of my life. I don't really feel the need to join a yoga class any time soon!

So as 2013 comes to a close, I want to give thanks for the things God allowed me to experience….

January- soul-friends Jason and Jaime Brewer and their sweet kids left us to live in PNG as aviation missionaries with JAARS/Wycliff. The first few months they were gone was brutal as we had little to no communication. Now, we communicate daily thanks to email and other modern technology. So thankful to have this connection. 

February- I tendered my resignation for the 2013-2014 school year. I loved teaching at KIDS Central but I am thrilled that God has allowed me this opportunity to stay at home! I am enjoying being more involved at church and ministry as time allows. I finished out the year strong with my first grade class and look forward to going back to teaching whenever God says it's time!

March- Our church hosted our annual Mission's conference. I am always moved and motivated during this time. This year's guest were so special and there were bonds made that will be eternal. Enjoyed a visit to GA to attend my sister's bridal shower. 

April- I had the opportunity to attend the Gideon's Pastor Appreciation Banquet with Bruce. What an awesome ministry and what a great work they are doing distributing God's Word around the world. It was impressive and also convicting to hear how many have received a copy of God's Word in their own language and to hear how great the need is still to reach the Bibleless nations. My sister got married so we made a quick trip to GA to celebrate with them.

May- We bought a new (used) car. We survived and finished school! The kids also tested for their BLUE belt in TKD.

June- We bought 2 acres of land…and this is like a dream come true. God has truly given me the desire of my heart. We're in the process of paying it off and hopefully 2014 we will break ground on our new home. We also hosted our annual VBS at church. Loved the outreach events and getting to see a long time friend, Joe Schmidt. 

July- Our family was on the road constantly in July….first camp for Savannah and Georgia for me. Crazy busy but good. My step dad had hip surgery so a friend and I went to help for a week. Fun…but exhausting!

August- We packed up again to head to Wyoming for a church missions trip. Great time of growth and outreach for our friends who pastor there. Fun time with our church family. Savannah turned 11 years old.

September- School started back! I started homeschooling both kids from home…first time ever! I've home schooled Savannah since kindergarten but it's been a very unconventional style. I'm liking this more traditional style. Enjoyed a quick visit with my sister. 

October- I survived blogging about all the beautiful things in my life. This was life changing as I have learned from my own life that some beautiful things come disguised and ugly, old and worn out! We hosted our annual fall festival at church and it was a huge success! God blessed as we ministered in our community.

November- Spent the month praising God for his goodness. Enjoyed a beautiful visit with my mom and step dad. A full house of church friends and family for Thanksgiving lunch. Loved it!

December- Filled to the brim with Christmas programs and events. All which I love. Many unfortunate deaths in our church family during this month, which certainly put the glorious HOPE that we have in Christ into perspective. 

What a year! Thanks God for all these gifts…and so many more!

Update on Christmas '13 Bucket List

I rarely reach my goals…either I aim too high, succumb to laziness, lose motivation or change my mind. But this Christmas was different. Bucket list kicked to the curb! I managed to achieve all the goals I had set! YAY!!!

Here's how:


1. Plan and prepare a no-stress Christmas meal.  I enlisted the help of Bruce to bake the ham and make Paula Deen's famous Lady Mac and Cheese. Debbie (SIL) and Jo (MIL) helped by bringing pink salad and broccoli and rice casserole. I made green bean roll ups, cornbread casserole and chocolate delight. Thanks to friends we also had enough candy and other holiday goodies to open our own candy store and thanks to Sister Schubert…we had yummy rolls. If you haven't met Sister Schubert….you are missing out. She lives at Walmart in the frozen food aisle. Go now and meet her.

2. Go Christmas Caroling This was something that I really really wanted to do. I've tried the last two years and because of illness it never came to pass. So…I called a couple of friends and made a list of a few people who I thought could use some holiday cheer and weren't too particular on pitch or musical accuracy. We loaded up our daughters and the seven of us went caroling. Next time I'll invite everyone…visit more people and make a big night of it. It was so much fun. 

3. Watch lots of Christmas movies with the family Thank you Hallmark Channel, Family Channel, Lifetime, ION, Up and various other networks who helped me achieve my goal. My DVR won't be clear of Christmas movies until July 4th.

4. Bake for the church staff I love these people. They are hard workers who deserve more than my baked goods. Lucky for me they are easy to please. Snickerdoodles, Ultimate cookie bars, pumpkin and heath candy bar muffins and raspberry bars….delivered just in time for Christmas. 

5. Make a few handmade gifts  For Christmas I made homemade napkins, a really pretty gift book for my mom, helped the kids make nativity blocks and a pillowcase. Nothing too exciting but I really enjoyed making them!

6. Buy less I bought less…and honestly I didn't like it. I love spoiling loved ones and friends at the holidays. But focusing more on the season allowed me to reach these goals and that was part of the success. So….I will buy less again next year if it means I have time, effort and energy to do the more important things.

7. Take a decent family Christmas photo  Thanks to my friend Felicia and the awesome Christmas program background scene at church, my family got a fantastic Christmas photo….it was like a Christmas miracle.

8. Read and meditate on a portion of the nativity story each day of December  one more day…but I have to say this was very instrumental in helping me get through the holiday season with the right frame of mind. We had 7 funerals within 2 weeks that Bruce and I had a part in. Most were people in our church. Broke my heart to see so much grief and sadness, but every single one of these families had the HOPE that is so clearly represented in the nativity story. What a gift at Christmas. 

9. Take my time in Walmart…ignore the long lines and just breathe  I did this….it was hard…but I just decided that at 10pm, when the crowd was smaller, I could be nice and happy and choose to not complain. And I actually enjoyed shopping!

I hope you accomplished all your holiday dreams and are ready to tackle the new year with your own Bucket List for 2014!

Merry Christmas!

 From our family to yours…

Merry Christmas!