Finding Balance in the Everyday

I am the last person who should be blogging about balance.

But God's been teaching me some important lessons these last weeks and I've got to record them...even if it's just for me...but most times...I know others who are a little off balance (LOL) and maybe these God lessons can help you too.

I realized I was off balance years ago. It's when I fell head first in love with crocheting....and I decided in a 48 hour period of time I would crochet 20 cotton dishrags so I could give one to every lady in our tiny church in Beaumont. Which meant I would spent 20 of the next 48 hours crocheting. And in the remainder hours I would tend to my household responsibilities, make the food for the ladies meeting and decorate for the meeting....and maybe...just maybe sleep a few hours. So I crocheted and crocheted and crocheted...until my arms were about to fall off my body. And then I cooked and decorated and hosted the ladies gathering and then I slept(after it was over)...I was a mess by the time the event started....sleep deprived, sore "no please don't hug me" arms, and giddy with exhaustion. Not the good giddy...the kind where everything is funny....hysterically funny....I knew I had bit off more than I could chew.

But yet, I've done it again....countless times actually. But now it's different. There are other people involved.....kids who are watching me juggle, hear me complain when I am tired and most of all are taking in my attitudes towards serving them and others. Now...the stakes are higher. So I've got to get this in check.

God's been teaching me something about this balance. About being called into service of my family first, then any other ministries He sets before me. As a wife, my first duties are to Bruce. And then the kids....yes....then the kids...after Bruce. Not a popular stand at all to take in our kid-first society but I'm gonna tell you something....If he's not first (after God) then you're doing it wrong. Savannah and Tucker see the way we treat each other, how we speak about each other and how we serve each other. Statistics show they will choose spouses largely on what they see from their own parents....Scary, huh? I'm blessed with a husband who treats me like a queen. I'm a very fortunate wife.

The second thing in the balancing of everyday is that my kids don't need everything right now. They might think they do, but if I can teach them that life isn't an emergency and that patience in living and getting and giving is the way to go then I will have added balance to their lives and mine. The urgency they might feel to acquire something can be great insights into what they value and even to some degree what they idolize. There are great spiritual truths to be talked through and taught through if we take the time.

Lastly, I'm finding balance in my service to others. There are many groups of people in the Bible that we are told to serve. The widows, orphans, hungry, outcast, the grieving, the heartbroken.... to name a few. I have no choice but to find something to do to serve these ...I've been commanded to...it's not a choice...In fact....it's a sign that I have in some form true religion....true relationship with the Lord. How I serve them can be done in a variety of ways....but there's one thing for sure....I can't accomplish that if my life is so full of other stuff that I can't do or think or pray or meet with them.

I'm thankful for the lessons God's taught me in the midst of my unbalance....I'm thankful He can see this mixed up heart and know the motives of a woman who takes on too much, juggles more than she should and takes her eyes of the one who walks on water because she sees a cruise ship off in the distance. He rescues me in spite of my spiritual ADDness and give me great hope that He who has begun a good work in me will be faithful to complete it. Thank you Jesus.

What about you....what gets you sidetracked? What leaves you feeling off kilter? How do you stay balanced?

Helping Our Kids Overcome Rejection

I was twelve the first time I remember being rejected or treated unkindly by people I trusted. I had fallen into a group of mean girls without really knowing it. Until I became their prey. I remember how I felt when I finally realized I was the butt of all their jokes. I remember that awful sinking feeling. I remember wondering if everyone else had seen it coming...or better yet, were they all laughing too. It was horrible...and not in the mom can take me to get ice cream and it will be all better then sense. The feelings were long lasting...and eventually influenced the way I made friends in the future.

So here I am 30 ....30 long years later. And I am beginning to face these same issues with my own kids. And it hurts almost as bad worse than it did back in 1984. And it isn't gender specific. In fact Tucker was hurt before Savannah was....which seemed a little weird to me. But it happened.

The thing is, I can't change the fact that the world is full of mean, unkind, careless and thoughtless people who do not filter their words. In fact, sadly, if I am honest, I've even contributed to that audience before. But what I can do is train/discipline my kids to respond correctly and Biblically when treated in a less than desirable way.

Here's a few things I am working on....maybe they will help you with your kids too:

1. Consider immediate forgiveness. If it's something that is trivial could I forgive them quickly and minimize damage to the relationship? Sometimes this can happen if it's a first time offense or if kids were just joking and took it a little too far. Sometimes we don't have to make it a big deal.

2. Consider the source. Is this someone who lacks self-control with their words? Were they showing off, trying to one up someone else? Don't feel like you have to correct a fool. They don't take it well.

3. Is there truth to what's been said? Even if said with hurtful intentions, sometimes we can grow if we can sift the truth from what's been said.

4. Is it habitual? Is the meanness a pattern that is present consistently in the person's life? Is that the type of person you want to be known with?

5. Process the words said to/about you. Is that what God thinks about you? What does His word say about you? His words are the most important the only ones that matter.

6. How can you communicate with the offender that He/She has hurt you? What if they don't care? What if they just continue? Sometimes they might not even know they hurt you. Sometimes they might not have been paying attention.

7. No matter how hurt you are, you can always be kind. Sometimes kindness is quiet and sometimes the kindest thing you can do is confront. But whatever you do, react is such a Christ-like manner that it is obvious you are coming out of great love for them. Sometimes your gentle spirit might be just the thing God uses to soften their hearts.

So many time I hear parents say, "Find new friends", or "We'll show them", or "Sticks and stones...", but the facts are that if we don't teach our kids how to process the world's actions on their lives, we will raise our own generation of "mean" kids....because they do not know who they are in Christ. They will retaliate with the same meanness and hatred and pride that mean kids do today...it will look no different and the cycle will continue.

Let's take the time to invest in our kids the Biblical way God designed for us to handle our differences. His word is full of instruction on that. He has not left us in the dark.

I'd love to hear how you help your kids cope with rejection, mean kids, hurtful words....leave a comment if you've got a tip.

Allergies, Paralysis and Snow

About three weeks ago I came down with a severe case of "allergies".

About 2 weeks ago I became paralyzed by exhaustion from the "allergies" (AKA coughing)

Then it snowed. Like three times in two weeks. In Texas.

So that's where I've been.

But I'm back now.

Because the snow is melting.

And the meds are working.

And I'm gaining energy every day.

I've even considered spring cleaning. Now don't get all excited....I'm not going all Martha Stewart spring cleaning....I'm just talking about maybe taking the cushions off the couch and giving them a good vacuuming or wiping down the walls around the light switches or maybe....maybe cleaning the stove. But don't hold me to any of that because....

What I really want to do is get out and plant some flowers and some veggies in my yard. I'm ready to start getting the pool cleaned up and the concrete bleached and the weeds pulled. It's time....hurry up spring.

I'm motivated at every change of season....and I really love fall and winter...but this year more than others I need to see new life, I need to see God's creation blooming, I need to see how He raises the dead to life and how the wilted and brittle landscaped are revived by His calendar. Sometimes we just need to be reminded that winter doesn't last forever. That new and beautiful life is just around the corner.

So if the winter blues....full of colds and flu and allergies and below freezing temperatures have you down....hold on...remember He makes all things new.....hope is on the way.

What My True Love Looks Like

I hardly ever talk about my marriage relationship. Pretty sure I don't want to gag anyone with my bragging on how great Bruce is....but, whatever, it's Valentines Day and it seems like maybe you could cut me a little slack or take an Imodium if you feel nauseated...so here goes!

True love...

1. True love realizes that I am not perfect and so instead of pointing out and keeping track of my mistakes...he manages to help me laugh at myself and find humor in the everyday.

2. True love realizes that I know nothing about cars and so instead of even asking me to register it, change the oil in it, change the wiper fluid in it, or even clean it out....He takes care of it. About all I do is gas it up....and most of the time I don't do that...he does.

3. True love helps with house work because I help with church work. We both feel equally called to home and church. I LOVE that about Him.

4. True love is invested in our kids. He spends time with them having fun, learning and working. I am not training them alone.

5. True love establishes boundaries. He says "no" when He needs to and "yes" when he can.

6. True love sets a good example. I learn from him daily. He's forgiving and energizing and loving....all things that sometimes don't come easy for an insecure skeptic.

7. True love doesn't always have to be right. Even when He is. He can back off, down or turn around in matters of trivial pursuit.

8. True love irons his own clothes...and everyone else's in the family-- after I match them all up.

9. True love doesn't buy me flowers....because he knows I'd rather have his time....building raised beds outside for fresh flowers and veggies.

10. True love loves God more than me. And I'm good with that...because by loving His father more he can love me more.

Sometimes when we are young we forget to look for all the lovely ways our beloved loves us. For me...I spent many Valentines Days disappointed that I didn't get what someone else got, or I didn't get to go to a fancy smancy restaurant or on a trip. And then I started keeping track of my gratitudes...my gifts and then I realized....Bruce loves me in our own way....Our lives are busy and when he lessens my load....He's taking care of me...When he is training our kids....He's taking care of our earthly investment that God gave us....When He backs off in an argument....He's saying...he loves me enough to humble himself....When He laughs with me....He reminds me that life is about enjoying all these moments...not just the perfect ones.

And since our love is messy....I'm thankful for every imperfect moment that we share.

So today or tomorrow or whenever you celebrate....remember it's about all the moments....not just the ones that happen on February 14.

For us....we are headed to the funeral home....with our kids to say goodbye to a man I've never met...but love because of what his investment with his family has given the world....A man who raised and invested in a son, who raised and invested in his two sons, that are investing their lives in the ministries of our church here and in a third world country. That's some true love worth celebrating!

See...true love never really dies.

Baby Jesus is Still Here

Why is there such an excitement to decorate and get things ready at Christmastime? I find myself looking towards Christmas as soon as all the stores start putting out the merchandise....which of course is earlier and earlier every year. I start looking at recipes, using Pinterest to organize my craft projects and flipping through magazines for the latest fads in achieving the best look for our home. I really love the holidays....until they are over.

Then there's the dreaded untrimming of the tree, the sprigs of evergreen that are forEVER embedded in your carpet. The hauling away of the dead tree or the packing up of the artificial tree. The ornaments....storage. The dust that seems to be covering everything and the lights.....don't even get me started on the lights. And while the end result is that everything is tidied up and back in order....it is A LOT of work. ...maybe that's when they should serve the eggnog.....Ok...only joking!!!!

This year I thought I had just about remembered to get everything back up to the attic and out to storage shed in one day. Bruce had helped and the kids had "participated" in helping. We had it knocked out in a couple of hours. Until later that day I went outside and realized I had forgotten the nativity set off the front porch. No biggie....I just brought them into the foyer and figured we get them upstairs soon.

Until "soon" still hasn't happened. Baby Jesus is still here. In the foyer. By the front door. His little naked body swaddled up greeting everyone as they come and go. My piano students find it comical. I find it ... comical and a little reassuring. Jesus is still here.

Jesus doesn't leave because we wrap and pack Him up. He's with us...in our coming and goings. He's profusely aware of us....and sometimes..just like on the porch at Christmas, I forget He's even here at all. No...He's not in baby form anymore.....but His spirit is in my home..my heart....always. His presence filling each space.

So maybe you've forgotten about Jesus after Christmas...He's packed away safe and secure until next Christmas season. It isn't too late to remember...For our family that means we have a small nativity out all year long in our dining room. Sure...people ask about it but that's even better...we get to share the story. Maybe you can find someway to remind yourself that Jesus is still here....that He is Emmanuel, God with us.

I Am Afraid

I've lived a lot of my life being careful...

careful not to offend...
to be nice...
to act right...
to take the high road...
to keep my nose clean...

But I've done these things mostly because I've been afraid..

Afraid I would offend you
Afraid I wouldn't be accepted
Afraid I would be misunderstood
Afraid I wouldn't be liked
Afraid I would turn you away from Jesus
Afraid I'd get in trouble

But I'm kind of over it.

It has gotten me no where.

And as I've been studying God's word about it...it really isn't biblical.

Kindness is God's way....but so is honesty.
And sometimes kindness isn't niceness.

Truth is God's way....and sometimes that's a hard pill to swallow.
But it doesn't change the fact that lies and half-truths and anti-biblical opinions are poison.

Acceptance with man is a far cry from acceptance with God.
And He accepts me....a freckly faced southern girl that is insecure and unsure.
Who never knows quite the right thing to do, say or wear..  so she plays it safe. Nice.

But lately my fears are changing....

I'm afraid if I don't walk in love and truth and boldness that my daughter might not either.

I'm afraid if I don't learn to speak with that balance of truth and love that HIS voice might not be the one heard after I'm gone.

I'm afraid if church is just someplace I go because as the pastor's wife it's the right thing (yes, even me)...that I will have led a life full of Sunday's and Wednesdays that are nothing but hypocrisy.

I'm afraid if all I contribute to this world is niceness...then my influence will disappear like a vapor....like I NEVER really lived.

I'm afraid if all my son sees is a mother who allows herself to be ruled by her emotions then he will not be equipped when choosing a spouse for himself one day.

I'm afraid that God will find every work I've done on this earth just smoldering pathetic pile of ashes because I was so worried if you would like me or not.

Wow...it's been like a wake-up call. And not a fun one. But these are fears that need to overtake me...not the ones that are full of self absorbed "I's".

So ...it's time ....time to be afraid for the right reasons.

What about you? Do you struggle with people-pleasing? With thinking being nice is always the right way?  Do you allow mistruths to define you because you are too afraid of the cost of confrontation? Do you worry about your kids seeing your insecurities?

Let's make a pact..let's pray for each other...let's seriously consider the damage we are doing in our homes and in our communities.....and let's turn it around. Let's be willing to talk about the tough stuff but instead of worrying about our feelings ....worry about what God says. Let's quit being offended and be Biblical. Let's worry about teaching our kids to weigh it all by the scale of God's Word...not emotions, or political correctness or niceness.

Let's quit being afraid about the wrong things.

I'm in....what about you?

50 Shades of Dishonor

I like what Andy Stanley says, "If you miscalculate in your checkbook ledger, that's a mistake. If you have an affair, that's sin." Sometimes we confuse "mistakes" with "sin"...there's a difference.

I NEVER...or almost never jump on the bandwagon and point out particulars in our culture that I disagree with. Mainly because I am sickened by the pompous "Christian" culture that so many of these issues are laced with. But today, I'm throwing caution to the wind and begging you not to support the 50 Shades...of dishonor movie.

There are many reasons that I won't see it.  There's the sultry commercials that indicate it is full of unmarried sex which Biblical and cultural statistics say is unhealthy for long-lasting marriage. There's the basis of abuse which should make every woman rise up in bold and angry disdain. There's the fact that this man would view intimacy as a game of manipulation. And so many....many many more reasons...

But as a Christian...who does go to the movies...I cannot see this movie because of this....

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. - Philippians 4:8

You see....these images will be ingrained in your mind FOREVER. Much like the scene from a popular horror film (Children of the Corn)  I saw as a child and will never ever be able to forget....the images in 50 Shades...images of sensuality that were originally meant to be a lovely, God-honoring act, will be left as cheap, erotic images in your mind. 

And it won't be a mistake....it will be sin. It's not like our whole nation doesn't know what's coming. We know. Every morning talk show is covering it. The news is antsy with anticipation. Magazines at the checkout are full of backstories and tips on spicing up your marriage. It was on the New York Best Seller list for 20 weeks...And society is sadly...excited. But as a Christian do we care about what God says about these things??....are these things true...according to scripture? are they honorable...according to scripture? are they just...according to scripture? are they pure...according to scripture? are they lovely....according to scripture? are they commendable....according to scripture? are they excellent...according to scripture? are they worthy of our praise...according to scripture?

I hope I'm hearing a resounding NO. Then why would I spend a couple of hours of my time, fully engrossed in capturing images into my mind....when they have no reason to be there. Why glorify sin? Why cheapen my marriage? Why discolor the beauty of sex in marriage by making something less that holy the standard for fulfillment? Why dishonor my husband by thinking of another man in a way that is full of lust and desire? Why allow for feelings of discontent to flood into our marriages? 

Listen....I'm not preaching to the unsaved....I'm talking to those who know better....those who for reasons of entertainment, or girls night out, or ladies night will go see this movie...and the next day or week be sitting in our churches and in our homes wondering why we feel so disconnected to our husbands. Wondering why we feel dirty. Wondering why I feel ashamed. Wondering why my heart and soul found the need to engage willfully in the pleasure of sin for a season. Don't do it. Don't allow ungodliness to be your standard. Don't allow for the devil to pervert God's gift of sex in marriage. Don't allow erotica and dishonor and abuse and impurity to cloud the beauty of what God has given you with your own husband. 

And for single girls....PLEASE....don't lose your purity over this movie...because purity is lost in way more ways than the sexual act. Save yourself...every part of you....your eyes....your ears...your body...for the one God is preparing for you. God has something pure and holy ready for you within His plan. He loves you enough to have established a standard that would both protect you, bring you great joy and satisfied your God given desire to love another person completely. He has someone waiting for you! Don't spoil yourself. Don't bring 50 Shades actors into your future marriage. 

The mind is powerful. Images stay with us forever. God knew that...and that's why He said to be careful of what we spend out time thinking about. It's for our protection and ultimately His glory. Glorify God in your marriage and your mind. Don't go see 50 Shades. Don't cheapen what God created to be beautiful.