Little Known Facts...

Last night at our mom's meeting at church we played a little game....List 3 little known facts about you that you think no one knows...

Here's what I listed:

1. Played high school basketball.
2. I have never worn a baseball cap (you should have heard the gasps!)
3. I broke my arm 2 times playing volleyball

Eventually someone guessed my name and the game went on to the next person. It was a fun "get to know you" game and I actually learned some pretty interesting things about some of the ladies that were in attendance.

I'm thankful God knows about every detail....from my broken bones to my next meal to the things that are too painful to even say out loud. As much as I love blogging and try to be transparent, there are a host of things that never get talked about here. Some things were just meant for my conversations with the Lord. I'm glad he doesn't have to guess which one of His children are bringing their requests to Him. He's completely aware of our needs before we approach Him...and He knows our thoughts without us uttering them.

Is there something too personal to share with a friend, something you think is a little known fact about your life....something your concerned about, ashamed of, maybe you're feeling alone or unloved? Take your burdens to Jesus....He already knows about them anyway...with Him, there are no little known facts.

A head full of random

So if you've managed to survive the randomness that gets posted on this blog over the last few weeks and you're still with me....thank you! I was talking to a young man at church yesterday who said he's been reading my blog (which frankly scares me when men....young or old say that...since I never really gave a lot of thought to that.....I just thought only women would read it...) mainly to keep up with the Peru stuff and I warned him things can get pretty random here....So, Andrew, if you're still reading....this was what I was talking about!

Summer ....feels like it is just starting. Since the first few weeks out of school were pretty crazy getting things finalized for Peru, I don't really feel like we had a good grasp on the heavenly months of June, July and August. But now that we are back from the trip, have had a week to recover and are in the throws of VBS it "feels" more like the summers I know and love. If you know me at all....then you know that summer will bring some sort of decorating or renovating. I haven't quite decided what that will be yet since there's really not anything pressing that needs to be done, so maybe I'll just paint my old kitchen table with a chalkboard top and let the kids spend the summer creating fabulous chalk drawings for me. I'll be sure to talk before and after pictures....and if you've painted with chalkboard paint before and think there is a tip I MUST know....now would be a good time to share that.

What I need to be spending time doing is.....working in my yard. I have a weed problem that I need to get a handle on...but doesn't that just scream BORING. However, I do love, love, love the results of a hard days work in the yard. So, after this week, that will be on my to do list.

What I've been reading....Lori Wick is known for easy writing...which makes for easy reading. I've had a touch of a "bug" since I got back from Peru and have had some down time. I picked up "Cassidy", which is part of the Big Sky Dreams collection, last week and breezed through it in 24 hours. If you're looking for an enjoyable Christian Fiction book I'd recommend it.

What I've been thinking about....are some women's ministry ideas that I'll be talking with Pastor about soon. Excited that God is allowing me to be a part of organizing and leading the special group of women in our church and community. I've also been thinking about what I can do to live out the things God taught me in Peru.

So there you have it...the long and short of what's going on in my head right now. This time will pass all too soon and it will be time to think about colors and shapes and letters and numbers....But, for now, I'm embracing today....and all the things God has for me now!

Getting out of the Way

The last few weeks have been rough. Emotionally I've been heartbroken about a couple of issues, physically I messed up my diet, Spiritually I was needing to hear from the Lord and mentally....well...I'm off most of the time anyway...so what's the difference??? :)

A week ago Bruce took the kids away for several hours so that I could have some time to sit before the Lord. I was trying to prepare for a speaking engagement, a new Sunday School class and just needed some personal quiet time with the Savior. So I sat down, Bible in lap, diet coke on the nearby table, notepad on the arm of the chair and feet propped up. And that's about as far as it went for the first thirty minutes. I sat there...mind racing...trying to get quiet before God. Seriously. It took for.ev.er. But finally...my mind slowed, my heart opened and within just moments God had completely given me exactly what I needed to be able to prepare for the speaking engagement. If was A-MA-ZING!...and all HIM.

So, today was the day I headed over to Gilmer, a little town just an hour away, to share about the goodness of the Lord with their ladies at their Spring Tea. Bruce was out of town so the grandparents came and watched the kids. I was sure to leave in plenty of time to get there, knowing I needed to stop at the gas station (sorry to the guy I flashed as I pumped my gas...darn dress and the wind made for a disastrous display) and Sonic for a diet coke (yes, there is a pattern here). I was pretty pumped...I felt prepared...peaceful...even had a decent hair day (and yes, if you had hair like mine you would count that as a victory). A friend texted and I had told her that if the Lord would just take care of the giant zit that had appeared on the side of my face yesterday (TMI?) then all would be well with the world. It was a good day. However...with each mile that ticked away on the odometer, I felt my nerves creeping up. Darn them!!! I so wanted the day to go well....God had given me something really special to share with these ladies and I didn't want to get in the way of the delivery.

So....in an attempt to get my mind on the Lord, I started searching for a Christian radio station to listen to.   The first attempt was complete failure. I didn't know east Texans had such a love for Hispanic and Rap stations...but if you're in the market for that...there are 8-10 of them between Sulphur Springs and Gilmer. Start packing now. I gave up, turned the radio off and decided to enjoy the ride. It wasn't five minutes later that I passed a house with large 6 ft letters in the yard that spelled out:

IT'S ALL ABOUT JESUS

Hmm....was He trying to tell me something? 

I continued driving and eventually tried the radio again. Scan....scan...scan...nothing ....until....Yes, 89.5...KVNE. Finally something worth listening to! And wouldn't you know the song playing on the radio....Heart of Worship....It's all about you....It's all about you Jesus. 

Be still my soul. For real. Coincidence? I think not. I continued driving but the presence of God in that car was so great as I talk out loud about giving this day over to Him. He was there...taking away my nerves, my insecurities and my desires for the day. Out loud I said "Ok...Lord I get the message....this day is about You!" Wow...that takes the pressure off me! 

And in another post I will tell you all about the wonderful ladies of Grace Baptist in Gilmer, Texas and their wonderful pastor's wife, Marie. But for now....rest in the fact that when we don't know how to juggle the nerves, the responsibility, the commitments ....we don't have to....He can take all of it and create so much more beauty than we ever imagined. It's all about Him anyway....right?

Thankful Thursday

This week I am thankful for:

1. A God who sees everything and knows exactly how it will all work out...and in the midst of that teaches me great and valuable lessons that I need in order to honor Him more.

2. I got to visit with my friend Mel and her girls and see her baby Grayson the other night. What a blessing to see God working things out for their good..slowly but surely. You can read a little of her story here.

3. The opportunity to speak at a women's event in Gilmer, Texas this weekend. Humbled by the opportunity...thankful for the enlarged territory.

4. Friends who talk about what God is doing in their lives. It's motivational, inspiring, exciting and uplifting.

5. Some quiet time alone with the Lord last weekend....you know...that kind you don't get everyday...several uninterrupted hours of communing with Him. I needed it.

So....what are you thankful for this week?

Friendliness Takes You a Long Way

Recently I was speaking with another woman about the perils of being a woman....you know...

1. If passing in a hall and making eye contact with another person and they don't say "hello", smile or at least nod, they might not like me.

2. If they sit with someone else in church or go out to eat with them after services...they may not like me.

3. If they go shopping, out to eat, to get a pedicure or to have their nose hairs trimmed....with someone else, they might not like me.

4. If they spend more time talking on the phone with so and so than with me...they may not like me.

So, what is it we are looking for in friendships and relationships with other women?

Here my short list:

1. Someone who will pray for me....in good times and bad.

2. Someone who will think the best, not the worst of me if they hear something about me.

3. Someone who is friendly.

4. Someone who is able to laugh easily.

5. Someone who won't be too surprised that I mess up....because I've talked enough about how good God's grace is.

I also appreciate a friend who will:

1. Share a good deal with me

2. Will tell me when there is lipstick on my teeth

3. Has similar interests

4. Is more adventurous than me

We women deal with a lot of insecurities. For years I've struggled with feelings of inferiority and second guessing myself. I'm at a place now where I think what has sidetracked me the most in my own life is the  way I have felt others think about me....you know what is funny about that?????? I'm pretty sure people don't have the time to sit around and to think of me all day long.

So I am embracing friendliness. This past year as I have gotten to know so many amazing new women I have been blessed by their friendliness. It's ministered to me. It's made me feel welcomed. It's helped to heal a few wounded places in my heart. It's allowed me to forgive myself for mistakes I've made in the past and it's helped to provide an example of healthy friendships can be like. I've got a few friendships from the past that do this as well and I am thankful for all these life-breathing friends God's blessed me with.

If you're like me....struggle with feeling like you fit. Try friendliness on for size. Give a smile, an unexpected hug, an encouraging word or gift. See where it gets you. I bet it takes you a long way!

Things I am learning at Bible Study

The ladies at church get together once a week to discuss our Esther Bible Study, what God is showing us, and for fellowship. It's one of the highlights of the week.
God is showing me so much in this study. Here's a glimpse of what I am learning this week:

1. "I" am not as important as I sometimes think I am. (Haman)
2. God's timing is perfect (King Xerxes reading the journals just in time to make a way of escape for Mordecai)
3. Prayer and Fasting releases me from doing anything and gives God permission to do everything.
4. God takes care of His people...no matter who or what...He will always take care of Israel.
5. Past experiences of trusting God should help me trust easier, quicker and more fully in the future.
6. Less of me=More of HIM.
7. No recognition, praise, honor, money, thing can compare to the glorious moment when I stand before Christ. My prayer is He will be able to say "well done". Nothing else should matter.
8. Fear of failure is more than likely for me, fear of humiliation...which is pride.
9. My insecurities should be checked at the door as I am reminded who I am in Christ.
10. Dying to myself will be the hardest battle I will ever face.

Rejection

At Bible study last night we were examining the first chapter of Esther. The story goes something like this:

King Xerxes throws this 180 day party with tons of wine to show off his wealth. After this time, he throws another 7 day party for the locals. At the same time his wife is having a party for the women. While Xerxes is intoxicated he asks for his wife, Vashti, to come before all the men. In this day when most women would have felt obligated to say "Yes, dear", she said, "No, thanks". Xerxes got really angry, called a meeting with his "counsel" who were also intoxicated, and decided this wasn't a good example to the women of his kingdom, so he had Vashti dismissed of her queenly position.

Anyway, the question was posed "How do you deal with rejection?" (In reference to how Xerxes handled Vashti's rejection) And for some reason, diarrhea of the mouth hit at that moment and I decided to comment. If you know me, that usually means I find a funny way to express something that really hurts me.

Here's my take on rejection:

I come in contact with someone who rejects me on a regular basis. It's been happening for a while now. Depending on when it happens sometimes I get mad....I mean really mad, sometimes I get defensive, sometimes I cry and sometimes I ignore it. The gamut of emotions is as varied as the 31 flavors at Baskin Robbins. I ask my self all sorts of questions: Why does she hate me? Why does she reject me? What have I done? Why is this so important to me? What can I do differently? But the bottom line is that I haven't done anything to her. She probably doesn't hate me. She might have her own insecurities, and I bet, I've made someone feel this way before too.

I'm not terrible sensitive so it took me a while to realize I was being rejected. Like about 6 months. I've wondered...what if I had a better house? what if I were skinnier? what if I wore better clothes? And then it hit me last night...if I had all these things, and she and I were friends, would this really be what I would want our friendship based on anyway? WOW!

I don't know about you, but either way, rejection isn't pretty. It hurts, it degrades, it embarrasses, it humiliates, it's a poor reflection of who Christ is and what He has done. He was the ultimate ACCEPTOR! I want to walk and share in that acceptance, not wallow around in the rejection I feel here on earth.

Sometimes I think about this situation and I think "how junior high" and it makes me mad! Why can't we grow up. But after last night, I realize that there is a great possibility that although this behavior is extremely childish that others might somehow benefit from hearing that they are not alone. That others feel like they do. Maybe it will make us all a little more sensitive to those around us who need acceptance.