Comparison

"Comparison is the thief of joy".....ain't that the truth.

I don't remember my parents comparing me to anyone...but I remember from an early age being compared to others....because....I was short.

It happened in the first Thanksgiving program I was in at my school in kindergarten. The song....Five Fat Turkeys Are We (Pretty sure they aren't singing that one any more....it's not PC). Line up shortest to tallest...and immediately all the tallest went to the back row and all the shortest stayed in the front row. and then they arranged us again...tallest to tall and short to shortest. And there I was..the shortest of the short.

That situation followed me pretty much my entire elementary school career. And middle school. And college. Comparison robbed my joy more than once...when I wanted to stand by a friend, or have a better view of the audience or wanted to hear the harmonies better in a choir.

As an adult I've managed to do the self comparison thing at Emmy winning levels. In my twenties...comparing what I didn't have to what others had.....babies.

In my thirties comparing my body image, my parenting style, my home and even my walk with the Lord robbed me of the joy of embracing the gifts that God had given me.

My fortieth birthday came and went with a bang....seriously funny stuff happened and something not so funny happened too. Something clicked (it wasn't my hip). I realized I had managed to have friends and loving family who loved me just the way I am....and even more importantly I had a God who didn't compare my walk with Charles or Andy (Stanley) or Beth (Moore) or Ann (Voskamp). He looked at me...and wanted nothing more than for me to live this incredible life designed just for me to honor and glorify Him with. Through my strengths, my weaknesses and my goofiness and my insecurities. He didn't want me to be comparing my height or weight or parenting or talents or anything else.

And what's happened? Well two years later...God's helping me embrace this girl he designed. I'm still prone to wander, but I am learning to love who he made me to be....

A woman after His heart
A wife to an amazing man
A mom to two fantastic kids
A unique pastor's wife
A friend
An antique/junk loving collector
A journaler
A Cheerleader (for my family, friends and church)

And I don't have any other standard except the ones that God outlines for me in HIS Word. And believe me ...that's enough! I've spent too many years wondering if I measured up or if I was doing anything right....Let me tell you...that's exactly where the enemy wants us. And there's no amount of doing things right that will fix that. Only embracing this plan God made and designed for you will really bring you lasting joy and fulfillment. I'm glad for the wake-up call. And for the reminders of what a work He's doing in my life. He is making all things new in me. Something beautiful.

So if you're finding yourself in the season of comparison....lacking the joy God longs for you to have...be encouraged to embrace the person God created you to be ....not for yourself....but because it honors and glorifies our creator.

More at ...https://bible.org/article/who-does-god-say-i-am

Choosing Us

I'm recording this moment in the event that in just a few short years I need a reminder that at some point in their lives....they chose us.

Mondays are fundays around our house. Bruce is off and we typically are recovering from a busy Sunday. Yesterday was no exception and so last night as we were deciding how we would spend Monday, we gave the kids several choices:

1. Go to the movies...get popcorn, drinks...the whole nine yards.

2. Pack up a picnic lunch and go to the local park and play.

3. Enjoy a PJ day with mom and dad, complete with games, netflix, wrestling (Tucker's request) and music.

Ding Ding Ding!!! They chose #3. As much as I would have enjoyed a movie, or even the 90+ degree heat....I was thrilled they chose us. We enjoyed a day of Apples to Apples, Mario Kart, practicing TKD, listening to Toby Mac, watching Saved by the Bell and a yummy dinner of homemade spaghetti and salad. Truly a day we all needed. Oh, and yes, Tucker (7yo) and Bruce (42) had their wrestling match. The loser can hardly walk....I'll let you guess who that is.

So...in the future..when I'm wondering if they ever really enjoyed being at home, with us, I'm coming back here...to remind myself...one Monday...they chose us!

Spring Break 2012

11 days ago the kids and I ventured out on our first ever cross country road trip with out Bruce. He was pretty anxious for us to drive to GA to see my family and after minor car trouble, getting stuck 5 cars behind a car fire in Alabama and horrible traffic, I kind of understand why! But, alas, we made it! Greeting us in GA was the welcoming committee of family...Andy, Amy (siblings), Pop and Jojo (stepdad and mom) and the three dogs...boxer pups Sadie and Clara Bell, and Maggie...the elder boxer.

We ate our fill of Papa Johns pizza and quickly understood there had been a reason my mom had brought all the siblings together...there was family business to take care of. She was ready to distribute the family pictures...our rather...she was ready for us to distribute the family pictures. So we spent the evening hours lovingly laughing as we divided up our childhood and even my parents childhood pictures.

Here's a few...but I assure you there will be more!!!

Here I am as the firstborn and only child...that only lasted 23 months...so I figure this is worth remembering....not to mention my mom's hair is AWESOME! And yes....it's all hers...I asked. 

Here I am again...when it was absolutely acceptable to be chubby.

My favorite elementary school picture....check out the tan and those hair ribbons.

And this picture is just wrong. But it certainly explains where my son gets it from....

Gotta love him!

There's much more news from our Spring Break trip. For now...I think I've left you with more than enough...perhaps even too much. Good to be back home!

Junior High Revisited

I was twelve, in the seventh grade and about as awkward as you can possibly imagine. Here's the picture to prove it:

I was insecure. I had horrible teeth...that were just about ready to get braces. I was nearly blind although I had boycotted my glasses this year. I was an average student. I had a crush on a boy who didn't give me the time of day, and let's not even get started on my hair. I'll just tell you that in the fifth grade my mom should never have agreed to let me get that Dorothy Hamill haircut....because when you let it grow out it looks like this.

The other day I was thinking about how life is so very much like junior high. There will always be some physical trait I don't like about myself, there will always be something that I am not great at doing, there will always be someone who doesn't give me the time of day, there will always be evidence of bad decisions. It's exactly like Junior High...over and over again...

if you let it be. What I didn't tell you are some of the other GOOD things that were going on when I was in the 7th grade. That was the year the music pastor at our church ask me to start playing regularly at all the services. It was also the year that I started playing basketball and hitting a pretty good percentage of my three point shots from the top of the key. It was the year I started working in the bus ministry at our church and the year that I began keeping a journal. That journal also led to my first ever writing competition which resulted in a first place ribbon.

I'm not bragging. I'm just proving a point. Lately I've been having to remind myself that God is always busy working on me. Some of that work is unpleasant. It's refining. It requires seeing things about myself that I don't like. The ugly parts of my heart. But in that same work and that same time He is producing something that is pleasant and good and first place. I may have to work through a bad haircut to see the beauty of a bus ministry but perspective plays a huge part in how we feel about ourselves.

Before you write yourself off, before you throw in the towel because your circumstances or situation is painful or overwhelming or lousy, be sure to list the good that He is working out in your life. That's what I'm preaching to myself these days and reminding myself that I don't want to be in junior high forever.

The Hard Stuff

"Parenting is the hardest job you'll ever love." Somebody smart said that.

Because on this blog you get the good, the bad and the funny, I know you'll understand when I say that sometimes your parents words come back to haunt you....and that's sometimes good, sometimes bad and sometimes it's funny.

Did your folks ever say:

"This is going to hurt me more than it hurts you"? Yeah....that's the one that's haunting me tonight. It's been a rough day....and unfortunately  fortunately I think some lessons have been learned. For me....I totally got that hurting feeling you feel when you know you've disciplined your child, but it's been painful for both of you. Yes, there were tears, hugs, talking, guidance and for us, prayer.

Prayer.

Together and separately. While I was praying for wisdom, peace, guidance and direction, I'm pretty sure my child was probably praying for a pardon. But not this time. Nope. This was the time that we had to deal. And it was hard. And it was unpleasant. And it hurt me as much as it did them. And I don't want to ever have to do it again. But I will. Probably sooner than I want to think about. Because discipline and punishment are part of growing and becoming and learning and maturing and loving.

And I do love my kids.
And my God who told us how to handle this delicate hard stuff.

Thank you Lord.

The Value of Things

I am not attached to too many personal items. I found out when living in hurricane infested southeast Texas that pretty much everything that is of any earthly value can fit into one rubbermaid tub. Because of three hurricane evacuations during a three year period of time, I was able to hone in on my packing and prioritizing skills. Evaluating the value of my earthly goods really did help me realize that these things really are worth so little in the scheme of life.

However, there are some pieces of furniture that have been passed down on both sides of the family that I do enjoy and other knick-knack sort of items that are pleasant to look at. The value isn't necessarily monetary, it's more sentiment and emotional. It probably doesn't surprise anyone that this past week when I went to GA I came back home with one such treasure. This time in the form of a doll....an adoption doll. Ever heard of one? No, I didn't think so.

A little history...in the early eighties the Cabbage Patch Kid Dolls were becoming popular. Being 8 or 9 years old and a girl....life pretty much demanded that you own one of these preciously perfect patch kids.   That coupled with the fact that just a few miles north of Atlanta was the very "hospital" where you could go pick out your very own adoptee. Well, there as also the little fact of $$$$. And....the fact that we didn't have much. So, my mom made me this:

This was my adoption doll....aka Cabbage Patch Kid knock-off. Only thing was....I didn't realize until just recently that the Adoption Doll never made it as big as the Cabbage Patch Kid. I thought everyone knew what am Adoption Doll was.....little did I know.

Yet, silly as it may seem, I have an attachment to my doll. Mainly because my mom made it. In fact she made me two...the other one was a larger version. Nonetheless, I value it because of the time she took to craft it. I value it because she was making something so that I would have something similar to other girls and she didn't want me to feel left out. I value it because of the craftsmanship. I value it because it represents a mother's love through the giving of her time and talents...and isn't that so much about what motherhood is?

I've had some hysterical laughs with a few friends over my naivety over this doll. Here I was thinking she was something special from my childhood when really back then she was more of a substitute for the real thing. But through the years...I think I'm the lucky one...the one with something that represents much more than a doll.

The Real Relationship Expert

Oprah, Dr. Phil, Judge Judy....will the real relationship expert please stand. Yet no one really qualifies to stand. The world is offering us many tempting (and some not so) alternatives to getting the advice, counsel and wisdom we need in the relationships we are involved in. It doesn't matter how much good sense, training, natural smarts or good looks....nothing in the world compares to the relationship advice God provides in His Word. Proverbs in plum full of all the wisdom we could ever even begin practicing....but as daunting as it may be, our job is to dig deep and discover what it says about every area of our lives.

That being said (written) I don't want it to ever seem like I don't think God uses mankind to share wisdom with those of us who need help on a regular basis. I am thankful for the people who have spoken loudly into my life during times of confusion, questioning and searching. I feel very blessed to know many wise women who have taken the time to encourage me over the years. I remember one outstanding Sunday School teacher I had from the 4-6th grade. Her name was Nell Cook. She made an unbelievable imprint on my life. I remember vividly lessons on modesty and discretion. She was (is) a woman who took time to invest in an awkward....(very) young girl and helped to encourage me to walk and talk with God.

We have a responsibility to share what we know about God with others. BUT....our opinion should never speak louder than the guidance provided in God's Holy Word! Take time to identify someone who has spoken life into your life by offering wisdom from God and His Word. Maybe take time to write a note or send an email and let them know how thankful you are for what they have done.